Life Is What You Make It
by Brookebynature
Summary: You live your life as best you can, but sometimes you need something better. Brooke needs Lucas, but will he be there for her to have? Sometimes, the only person that can save you is yourself. COMPLETE
1. If only you could see me now

Life Is What You Make It

Brooke Davis sighed inwardly as she entered yet another classy hotel room. Normally, people walking into these sorts of room would have been happy, or at least, they wouldn't feel cheap. But Brooke did.

It was the whole set up. The hotel room, her outfit, the guy sat on the bed waiting. She knew it would be sex, and then she would be leaving to go back to her small apartment. It wasn't the life she'd imagined having, but it was probably what a lot of people expected from her.

She hated all of the different terms: prostitute, girl of the night, hooker. But the worst one was slut, because she knew that's what she was.

Her eyes fixed on the man sitting on the bed in an expensive-looking suit. He wasn't bad-looking, just a little rough round the edges, but he was sneering at her. Brooke forced a smile, not the one that would show her dimples, that was her real smile. This one was fake and forced, but she had perfected it in front of the small mirror on her bathroom wall, and now it seemed to be a permanent fixture on her face.

The room looked cold, and the air conditioning that was lightly blowing, wasn't helping either. Brooke knew she would have goose bumps on her legs, the ones that were thin and spindly, and covered in bruises. The leather skirt she had on barely covered her ass, but it was what clients expected. She wasn't one to disappoint.

"So I guess you had a long day at work" Brooke whisper-talked, making her way over to the bed, straddling the man while loosening his tie with one of her hands.

"And you need to do something to de-stress" Brooke continued, releasing the tie from under the man's shirt, and started to unbutton his collar.

"what do you have in mind?" the man asked, playing along with Brooke's act.

"well" she started, unbuttoning his shirt further until all of the buttons were undone. "How about you do me?"

"I'll settle for that" the man said, kissing Brooke roughly as she pushed him down so that he was laying on the bed with her still straddling him.

And that was it.

They had sex. Meaningless sex that did nothing for either of them, but being close to someone at least made Brooke feel better for a while. Not a long while, but those few seconds of intense pleasure masked the pain behind the fake smile.

She left with cash in hand, the fake smile plastered across her face after she had whispered something dirty to the man which made him smile. Now came the bit she hated the most. The walk home.

She hated passing anybody because she felt so dirty and cheap. She hadn't kept contact with any of her old friends, especially not Lucas, for fear of how she lived her life would get out and become gossip around Tree Hill.

As far as she knew, they all still lived there, all the old gang. They had all started off at NCU, majoring in all different subjects, but at least they would all still spend time together at lunch and during study breaks.

The difference between them and her, was that they all stayed there.

Brooke knew that college wasn't for her, but she had stuck it out as long as she could, once again living a fake existence of pretence. But it got to a point where she just wasn't focused enough and she started to fall behind. The partying had started to take its toll on Brooke and she couldn't pull the all-nighters so that she could hand her work in on time.

It wasn't like high school where you would just get a detention and that would be it. You had to do the work on your own at college, nobody was there to help you.

Lucas and Haley had tried to help her as best they could, but knowing nothing about the subject of fashion, they didn't do much good. Besides, they had their own studies to do, and Brooke didn't want to drag them down to her level. So she left.

That's how she ended up in New York. Brooke being Brooke, thought she would land a job at Barney's or another store like that. She thought that she would have enough money from her parents to get herself a nice apartment near 5th Avenue, but with her dad's company going bust, he couldn't support her. So she went about it on her own, knowing nothing about the city, nothing about where she would be living, but she thought she would give it a try, and if she didn't like it, she could always move back to Tree Hill.

Only it hadn't worked out quite like that. She didn't like it, in fact, she pretty much hated it, but she didn't want to admit defeat.  
So now, 5 years later with Brooke at the grand age of 23, she was still living in New York, in possibly one of the worst apartments ever to be built, with a job as a hooker.

Brooke entered her small apartment and was greeted with the smell of alcohol, which was one of the only things that got her through the day. That, and the picture she had of her and Lucas back when they were dating. It was stupid to be still hung up on her high school boyfriend. Okay, so they'd slept together a few times during college, mainly when they had been at some rager Brooke had persuaded them to go to, but it wasn't like it meant anything to him, but to her, it meant the world.

Most things in her life revolved around Lucas. She always wondered what he was doing, or what he was thinking. She knew it was stupid, because no doubt Lucas had moved on. He would probably have a girlfriend or even a fiancé by now.

Brooke placed her keys down on the table beside the door and pressed the answer phone button so that she could hear the half dozen messages that would have been left by clients.

She sighed out loud this time, and started to undress, folding her clothes neatly in a pile on the end of the couch. She walked to the small closet at the end of her bedroom, and pulled out a pair of sweat pants and a baggy grey hoody-one that she had bought because it reminded her so much of the grey hoody of Lucas's that she used to love wearing so much. The thing was, this one just wasn't as good, because it didn't have Lucas's scent on it. Maybe, Brooke thought, the smell of him on the soft material was the reason why she loved wearing his top.

Nevertheless, she pulled the top over her head and twisted her hair around her fingers on the top of her head, securing it in a bun with a small band. She looked in the mirror and smirked at herself. This was the life that she was leading now. A life where she was disgusted with herself for what she was doing. Brooke took a make-up removal wipe from the packet on the table by her mirror, and slowly wiped the harsh make-up off her face.

The make-up was like a security mask-one that she could hide behind when she was meeting with clients, or even passing people in the street. It had gotten to a point where she wouldn't leave her apartment without wearing make-up, because it made her feel safer.

This was a routine she has become accustomed to over the last few years. She knew that taking her 'work clothes' off and then putting her home clothes on, only to get in the shower a few minutes later was stupid, but she felt some comfort in having these little routines, because she knew it was something in her life that she had control over.

Brooke walked a few paces to the bathroom and set the temperature on the shower, leaving it to warm up for a few minutes while she took off her clothes and looked at herself in the mirror. Almost 5 years of doing the same thing, and she still couldn't bring herself to look herself in the eye. And Brooke knew exactly why. It was because she was ashamed, and she had every right to be.

Just before stepping into the shower, Brooke flicked on the small waterproof radio that she had for these specific times, just to block out what she had just done. It was her escape.

She climbed into the shower and shut the door, letting the warm water wash over her skin. Skin which was once tanned and healthy-looking was now pale and bruised, barely covering her bones.

Brooke had always known she was pretty. It wasn't like she was big-headed about it, but she knew there was something about her that guys found attractive, that Lucas found attractive. She wondered if he would feel the same way now if he saw her. She used to love it when he called her 'pretty girl' That's what made her feel special. That fact that she was loved by someone.

They had managed to get past the whole 'Peyton' thing, and they had enjoyed senior year as a couple.

Brooke leaned against the wall of the shower as the D.J's talked about the unusually cold weather they were having for Springtime.

"Tell me about it" Brooke muttered, as she stood under the shower head, not wanting to move from the comforting position that she was in. The room was silent for a few seconds and then music started to play over the radio. Slow music with an instrumental beginning. Brooke had started to actually listen tot the lyrics of songs and take them in, rather than just letting them wash over her, because usually, they had some meaning.

If you could hear me now That one who said that she'd rather

'Hear it was again' Brooke thought, Yet another song to remind her of Lucas, to make her wish that he was there with her, and that she wasn't living the life that she was.

The one who said that she'd rather be alone If you could only hear me now.

That's what she'd told him. That she'd rather be alone. Of course she was lying, but she knew that he would destroy his future if it meant that he could support Brooke. She couldn't do that to him. He had a dream, and he'd worked so hard all of that time that she couldn't wreck it all. But now, in a way, she wished that he could hear her thoughts, and see how she was living, because she knew that he'd rescue her.

But that was selfish.

She had to rescue herself.

If I could hold you now Just for a moment, I could really make you mine

That was all she wanted. Just to feel him next to her again, to breathe in his scent, because it comforted her so much.

Just for a while, turn back the hands of time If I could only hold you now.

She knew she should have stuck it out at college. It would have been tough, and she would have hated almost every moment of it, but surely it would have been better than how she was living now. At last she would have had someone close to her. Not like now. Now she had no one.

Cos I've been too long in the wind And too long in the rain

Maybe she had left it too long. Perhaps if she had kept in touch by phone or email, or even visited every now and again, but it was too late.

Taking any comfort that I can

That's what she was doing. Trying to take any comfort that she could. Sleeping with guys gave her that for a while, but after she left, then she was even more lonely than before.

Looking back, and hoping for the freedom of my chains And lying in your loving arms again.

Brooke loved being in his arms. When he held her, she felt safe, loved, protected. She would have given anything to be back in his arms, the heat between their bodies keeping her warm.

If you could see me now See me somewhere through the lonely night

Brooke wondered what he would be doing at this time. Peering through the steamed-up glass, she could make out that the time on the clock was 02:34. So right now, he was probably snuggled up in bed with someone, or he was maybe out with the guys having a good time. She knew he loved going out with the basketball team. Even though he wouldn't admit that he had a good time, Brooke could always tell by the smile on his face that he had.

And dreaming of the love that held me tight If you could only see me now

Maybe if he could see what her life was like, then he would come and help her, but that wasn't going to happen. Why? Because she wouldn't let him see what her life was like. She didn't want his pity. At least, that's what she tried to tell herself.

Cos I've been too long in the wind And too long in the rain

Brooke stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around her thin body. She shut the shower off, and wrapped another towel around her hair which was still held in place by the bun she had secured a few minutes earlier.

Taking any comfort that I can

Brooke pulled the towel tighter around her, burying her face in the soft material. This was where she got her comfort from now. Not from any guy, but from freshly washed laundry. It was sad, but true.

Looking back, and hoping for the freedom of my chains And lying in your loving arms again.

She put on her sweats and the hoody, and squeezed the hair that was dripping water all over that bathroom from out of her face.

I can almost feel your loving arms again.

Brooke turned off the radio and hung up the towels on the rail to dry. Walking into the small living room, she looked around and wiped the tears from her face. If she thought about it, she really could feel the weight of Lucas's arms around her, and the more she thought about it, the harder it was for her to breathe.

Walking to the fridge, she took out the half empty vodka bottle that she had bought a few days ago. Nobody should drink that amount of alcohol, but Brooke didn't care. Her life was screwed up as it was, a drink wasn't going to make it any worse.

She sunk down onto the couch, bringing her feet up underneath her frail body. Brooke let the burning liquid wash down her throat, and she shut here eyes tightly to stop any more tears from flowing.

I can almost feel your loving arms again.

Brooke pulled the quilt from the side of the couch so that it covered her body. It was almost like having Lucas there with her. At least, if she imagined that he was lying next to her, then she wouldn't feel so lonely.

And that was yet another night that Brooke dozed into an alcohol-induced sleep, wishing that she didn't have this life.

But she did, and if she had learned anything over the past few years, it was that life is what you make it.


	2. You step a little closer each day

**Life Is What You Make It**

**Author-**Emily-Grace Mendes (Brookbynature)

**Disclamier-** I don't own the song or the characters, but I do own the plot

Lucas put his head into his hands and sighed. Here he was, another 12 hour day where he had downed at least seven cups of black coffee with sugar. He didn't know why writing had become so hard for him lately.

Lucas had graduated from UNC majoring in Literature, although instead of doing something like lecturing which he had intended, he had become an author after writing a best-selling book. And now here he was, trying to write another, but failing miserably.

He had no idea what it was that allowed him to write his first book so freely without many problems, but this second attempt sure as hell wasn't following suit. He didn't even know what he wanted to write, so he was pretty much screwed until he found a subject. It wasn't like there weren't enough interesting things to base a book on. His life would have been a good start, but he really didn't want to go down that route.

Lucas gazed out of the window at the almost desolate beach straight in front of him. The waves were crashing against the shore in perfect sync every time, and Lucas knew how beautiful he should find the view that he woke up to every day, but somehow, it felt like something was missing.

He shut his laptop and leant back in his seat, closing his eyes and resting his hands on the back of his head. He really needed to find a focus and soon, because he knew that the deal with the publisher wouldn't stay there for very long if he couldn't write new material. The only thing Lucas could come up with that would give him some ideas for a new book, was a change of scenery. Maybe he needed to witness something new, something that he'd never done before.

Once again, Lucas opened up his laptop and typed in google. That seemed to be all he was doing lately. He knew his life wasn't exciting, and when he thought back, the only time it had been, was when he was with Brooke. When she had left college, he had stopped enjoying being there. It was just something about her presence that livened everything up and made everything seem fun. He thought of how pathetic he had become. Sure he had had girlfriends since college, but he seemed to be measuring them against Brooke every time, and of course, they were never as good.

Brooke probably had a husband by now, someone that was rich and could give her the life she always wanted. She'd be living in a big house with a red font door, maybe even with children that would be the spitting image of her.

He's always imagined that if he had children with Brooke, they'd all look like her. He knew he wanted to be the father of her children, and he'd always wanted to have little girls with her. Maybe one boy that he could teach basketball to, but he knew how good a mother Brooke would be, especially if she had a daughter. Lucas smiled just thinking about it. He had envisaged living in a big house with a red door of course, which had a big garden where his children could play. Maybe they'd have a dog, although he knew that if Brooke had any say in this, it would be a small yappy thing with a bow in its hair, with a name like Sassy or something else ridiculous.

Here he was again. Going down another 'Brooke trail' as he called it. Once he started thinking about Brooke, he could hardly stop. Anytime her name was mentioned, he pictured her sweet face with all its radiance, her eyes sparkling like they always did whenever she got excited about something.

Lucas knew he had to stop thinking about her, because nobody else he knew was hung up on their high school girlfriend. Except Nathan, that was, but he and Haley remarried, and they now had a son together, so their lives had turned out great. Not that they didn't deserve it, because they had had their fair share of complications. But Lucas wished it was him and Brooke that were married with a child.

He got up from his seat and turned on the radio, just as a new song started to play. Lately, all the songs he heard seemed to remind him of Brooke. Lucas contemplated turning it off, but the truth was, he wanted to think about Brooke, because if he couldn't be with her, at least he was close to her in his thoughts.

_**Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth - Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt**_

Yep, yet another song to remind him of Brooke, and everything they had together. If he thought about it, he really could remember the taste of her. He remembered the taste of her lips when they were covered with that strawberry-flavoured lip gloss he loved so much. He remembered the taste of her skin when he kissed it, her neck tasted differently from her stomach, and then there were other parts that tasted differently still. But he loved the taste of every inch of her.

_**Still a little hard to say what's going on**_

What was he doing really? He had no idea. But something in his mind was telling him that New York would be a good place to go to find a focus, so he typed it into the search engine.

_**Still a little bit of your ghost your witness - Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed**_

That wasn't right, Lucas thought. He was pretty sure that there couldn't be any part of Brooke that he hadn't kissed, because one night back in senior year, when he had stayed over at her house to 'protect' her, he had told himself that he wouldn't leave any part of her untouched, not when they were making love for what may have been the last time.

_**You step a little closer each day - Still I can't say what's going on**_

Was she any closer though? Lucas couldn't see how she could be, but then he remembered that it was just a song, and that it wasn't about him. He looked at his computer screen and scrolled down, looking for places of interest. New York seemed to have it all, so he looked at prices for a one-way ticket there.

**_Stones taught me to fly - Love taught me to lie_**

Now that was definitely wrong for him. If love had taught him anything, it was that you should never lie, especially to the one person that means more to you than anyone else in the world, even more than your own family.

**_Life taught me to die - So it's not hard to fall - When you float like a cannonball_**

But Lucas that's when Lucas understood. He wasn't floating at all. He was sinking because he didn't have what he wanted, and he maybe never would. Maybe he just had to accept that, get on with his life.

_**Still a little bit of your song in my ear - Still a little bit of your words I long to hear**_

All he wanted to was to see Brooke again. Five years without any communication and he had no idea what she was doing, or where she was living. He wasn't even sure if he would recognise her again.

**_You step a little closer to me_**

Lucas hit the 'buy ticket' button and the confirmation of his flight appeared on screen.

Flight number: 109374 Name: Mr Lucas Scott Date of flight: 29/02/06 Time of flight: 0900 hours

Well he knew he should get some sleep, because his flight was tomorrow and he would have to be at the airport at least two hours before the flight left. He sighed with the sudden realisation that he would have to put all of the things he needed into suitcases. He had no idea how long he'd be staying in New York, or even if that's where he would stay. What was to stop him travelling across the country? He had the money and the need to do something like that.

**_So close that I can't see what's going on_**

He turned the computer off and made his way up the stairs of the beach-front house in Tree Hill that he called his home.

_**Stones taught me to fly**_

He stopped walking and just listened to the rest of the song playing downstairs. He had started to listen to his music turned up really loud, something Brooke always used to do. He could never understand why she liked her music so loud, or even why she liked the type of music that she did, but he loved it when she sung; her sweet raspy voice in perfect time to the music never ceased to amaze him. But maybe that was just because he was so in love with her. Is so in love with her.

_**Love taught me to lie - **__**Life taught me to die - **__**So it's not hard to fall When you float like a cannon ball**_

'Almost over' thought Lucas. He couldn't stand to hear the song, making him think so deeply about Brooke, but then he couldn't bring himself to turn it off either, because it was like turning off the memories. That's not what he wanted to do.

_**Stones taught me to fly - **__**Love taught me to cry**_

That's all he wanted to do now. Cry. But he wouldn't. Crying was weak and he couldn't show everyone how pathetic he had become, just because he missed his high school girlfriend.

**_So come on courage!  
Teach me to be shy_**

Why couldn't he find it in himself to track her down? If he wanted her that badly, surely he would be able to do something about it. There were plenty of internet searches that should be bale to help him.

**_'Cause it's not hard to fall_**

It really was though. It was hard to open himself up. After being so reserved for all of this time, he didn't want to let anyone in to what he was feeling. Like Brooke always said, once you let people in, that's when you get hurt. He knew she was right. She almost always was.

**_And I don't wanna scare her_**

What would she say if she saw him now? After all of these years. Would she even be happy to see him? Or would she be pissed that he hadn't left her alone like she had told him to?

**_It's not hard to fall And I don't wanna lose her_**

"You won't loose me Lucas"  
"Brooke"  
"Yes" she said softly, smiling her dimpled smile "You never lost me"  
"Really"  
"Really" She leant in to kiss him, the heat from their bodies radiating between them. Her lips landed on his, soft and sweet and still tasting of that strawberry lip gloss. He broke away, looking straight into her eyes.  
"How did you get here? How did you find me"  
"I just did" she replied simply, pressing her lips up against his once again. They both smiled through the kiss and let passion take over………….

The door slammed and Lucas's day dream was broken, much to his dismay. He was sure he could hear her, feel her, taste her. But he looked and realised it was just the bedroom door that had blown shut in the breeze from the open window.

New York tomorrow, and he just had no idea.

_**It's not hard to grow When you know that you just don't know**_

****

**A/N- **The more reviews I get, the faster the chapter will be up because I'll know if people like it and want me to continue or not. Give me your ideas people! lol

Hope you enjoyed that :)


	3. Are you still the same?

**Life Is What You Make It**

**Author- **Emily-Grace Mendes

**Disclaimer- **I don't own the song, or the characters, so please don't sue me.

* * *

Are You Still The Same?

Brooke awoke with a stiff neck, and an empty vodka bottle by the sofa.

"Morning Brooke" she said to herself sadly. Well it wasn't like anyone else was going to say that to her. She looked around and grimaced at the sight before her. People were supposed to be proud of where they lived, yet she felt like her apartment was an embarrassment. It wasn't like anyone saw it though.

She had to do something today, something to cheer herself up, make her feel alive. But she didn't have any money. It wasn't like she made much from selling her body to guys who liked to use it as a playground. Most of the money that she had spare went on alcohol, or paying guys to leave her alone. It was the worst when she first moved in. She was pretty and radiant, but hurting from leaving Lucas. Guys knew she was vulnerable and they took full advantage.

Brooke looked over at the chest of drawers, and then at the photo that stood on top of them. Lucas. Her and Lucas together at the senior spring fling dance. It was one of her favourite photos of them together, because they weren't looking at the camera, they weren't even aware that it was being taken. Lucas had his arms around Brooke and they were on the dance floor, her head resting against his neck and smiles on both of their faces.

She remembered the way he held her all night when they laid in bed, just talking about stuff. How she felt at that moment was what she now based sleeping with guys on. If she didn't feel as good as she did at that moment she was with Lucas, they guy wasn't right for her. Brooke knew what she was doing. She knew in the back of her mind that no guy would ever hold her like he did, make her feel as safe as he did, love her like he did. It was an excuse to just not date them. She wanted somebody, she really did, but Brooke knew the only person she really and truly wanted, was Lucas.

Brooke got up off the couch, still feeling a little out of it from the alcohol that she drunk last night. Making her way over to the chest of drawers, she twisted her hair around at the top of her head and stuck the pin in it that was laying by the photograph. She was going to organise her apartment, starting with the drawers.

But as soon as Brooke opened the top drawer, she regretted it immediately, but couldn't shut it up. There laid all of the photographs that she had of the gang back in Tree Hill. An album sat beside the various packets of photos, still in its packaging, practically begging Brooke to open it.

Her hand wavered over the book, but eventually she took it from its place and pulled off the cellophane, stroking the soft material cover. She had no idea why it was so hard to open an empty photo album, but it was. But if she was going to sort out that apartment properly, it meant the drawers too, so she had to put the photos away.

After gathering up all of the various packets, Brooke dumped them on the couch, barely leaving enough room for herself to sit down. She thought that maybe some music would help her. Flicking the radio on, she stood and listened for a few seconds to the song that was playing. 'My humps' by the Black Eyed Peas. Normally, a song like this wouldn't have made her think about Lucas, but even this one had a connection to him. It was when they had gone to a club with Nathan, Haley and Peyton during Brooke's short time at college. Brooke and Lucas had spent the night grinding their bodies against each other, the sparks between them flying, even though they weren't dating. That was one of the nights they had hooked up behind the backs of the other three, both of them enjoying the added thrill that the others might find out. They never did. Or so Brooke and Lucas thought.

But then the song on the radio ended, and Brooke sat down on the couch, just as another song started to play.

**_Who are you now? - Are you still the same_**

Surprise surprise, yet another song to remind her of him. Brooke knew she should just stop listening to the radio altogether, but at least it was something to drown out the sound of the guy next door who was always yelling, or the screaming baby that resided in the above apartment.

**_Or did you change somehow?_**

She was sure that Lucas would have changed. He wouldn't want her to burden him with all her problems, or even herself. He would have a better life now, or so she thought.

**_What do you do - At this very moment when I think of you?_**

She wondered what he was doing almost all of the time. She wondered whether he was happy, or what he was doing, but most of all, she wondered if he still wanted her. She picked up the first photograph from the packet, and stared at it. Them. Together. His arm wrapped around her as they sat on the bench at the river court. Brooke couldn't remember who had taken the photo, but she could recall that whole day's events down to what outfit Lucas was wearing. Loose jeans and a light blue t-shirt that brought out the boldness of his eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes that she loved s much and could get lost in, no matter how hard she tried to focus on something else.

**_And when I'm looking back - How we were young and stupid_**

They had been stupid and naïve in freshman year. But they had grown so much as people during the next year-both of them learning what they wanted from life, and their answers matched. They just wanted each other.

**_Do you remember that? - Baby_**

Surely he wouldn't have forgotten everything they had. Or would he?

Brooke placed the photograph in the album and smoothed it over with her hand, stopping at Lucas's face, a small smile appearing on her otherwise sad face. It was still a sad smile though. One of self-pity and hurt, but mainly, a smile of regret.

_**No matter how I fight it - Can't deny it Just can't let you go**_

Why was it that he had this hold over her? No matter how hard she tried, there was always something to remind Brooke of Lucas, or of the times they shared together. The time when she was happy. When they were both happy.

**_I still need you - I still care about you_**

But did he know that? Probably not because she hadn't told him. Not for five long years, living a lie.

_**Though everything's been said and done - I still feel you**_

She felt him because she wanted to. She had to feel him because other than the photos and the memories, it was all she had left, and other than shower time, where she could wrap herself in that soft towel, it was the only comfort Brooke had.

_**Like I'm right beside you - But still no word from you**_

"Maybe there would have been if you talked to him Brooke" she said to herself sarcastically, yet meaning every word. Why the hell didn't she keep contact with him? Bu then she remembered. It was too hard to see him, and not allow herself to feel for him what she did. But it was pointless wasn't it? Because she felt it anyway.

**_Now look at me - Instead of moving on, I refuse to see -_****_That I keep coming back_**

Yet another photo of them back in high school somehow made its way into Brooke's hands. Brooke decided that maybe this photo album thing was too hard for the moment, she should do something else.

_**And I'm stuck in a moment -That wasn't meant to last -Though everything's been said and done I still feel you - Like I'm right beside you - But still no word from you**_

She packed the stuff away and placed the album carefully back in the top drawer. She smiled sadly once again at the picture on top of the chest of drawers, before making her way to the fridge in the kitchen. Opening it, she cursed when she found that there was only one bottle of beer left. She slammed the door shut, knowing that she'd need the drink for after she'd been to 'work.

* * *

Morning turned into afternoon, which soon turned into evening, and Brooke had accomplished nothing but filing away two photographs. She had no idea what had happened to her self-motivation and spark, but it had definitely gone. Brooke looked at the clock on the wall and exhaled deeply. It was beginning to take her longer and longer to get ready, partly because she hated it so much, but partly because there were more and more bruises that she had to spend time covering up. Even the slightest knock against some furniture would form a big purple bruise on her thin, pale skin, so the physical abuse that she got from some clients would leave deep, scaring marks that couldn't be covered up by make-up, like the other bruises could. It was just something she's accepted that she had to do. 

It had taken her almost two hours to get ready, which, other than her first night on the job, was the longest it had ever taken her. Brooke sighed and threw her handbag over her shoulder. It never really contained any money, but she found some kind of security in it as she was walking home. Besides, when tonight's client paid her, she'd need something to put her money in so that she could hit the liquor store to stock up on vodka. She'd never really been a big fan, but after taking four shots in row, it had started to grow on Brooke. At first, she used to drink it with cranberry juice, or occasionally, diet coke. But now, she liked cold, crisp, straight vodka.

She walked the short walk to the hotel a few blocks away where she had been 'booked' for an hour or so. It wasn't like the previous night's hotel-no where near as classy, but she still had a job to do. Brooke took a deep breath before entering the revolving door, and made her way up the room.

"Where are you now Lucas?" She whispered.

* * *

_Hey everyone, thanks so much for the reviews, they're much appreciated. In case you're wondering why I put songs in like, everyone of my fics, it's because I feel that music is such a major part of good t.v shows, and I like to try and encorpourate that into my stories. Thanks for reading, please review xxx_


	4. New York, New York

**Life Is What You Make It**

**Author- **Emily-Grace Mendes

**Disclaimer- **I don't own any of the characters other than Tammie, although I wish so bad that I owned Lucas lol

**A/N- **_Seeing as I aren't American, or have never been there, I don't know much about the country, so I apologise if there are things that may be wrong, I've tried to research as best I could. Please read and reply._

* * *

New York, New York

The airplane touched down on the cold, hard New York concrete, the doors opening to let in a rush of cool Spring air as Lucas forced himself up from his seat. He felt heavy and tired, and in need of a shower, but he was happy just to get to New York-he knew there was something about it that was special, different even.

"Have a nice stay Sir" the stewardess said to him as he vacated the plane, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand- the other holding onto his bag.  
"Thank you"

After the nightmare of baggage reclaim, Lucas managed to navigate his way to a phone box in the hope of finding some hotel addresses as he hadn't booked in advance. Finding a small card with a picture of a decent-enough looking hotel on it, Lucas dialled the number, praying that there would be a room available.

"You may check in to your room after 11am" the receptionist told him before he thanked her and put the phone down, dropping his bag as he did so.  
"Shit" he cursed as he bent down to pick it up.  
"Wow you're forward. Looking up a woman's skirt the first time you meet is certainly not shy"  
"Um….I'm sorry. I wasn't looking up your skirt I was just picking up my bag" Lucas said as he came face to face with a pair of long, tanned legs which were balanced elegantly in a pair of black sling-backs.  
"That's what they all say" the woman laughed as Lucas's bright red face met hers. "I'm Tammie by the way"  
"Lucas" he replied, holding out his hand to shake hers, but instantly pulled it back as Tammie kissed him on the cheek.

"So where you headed?" she asked, flicking her soft blonde hair behind her shoulders, watching Lucas nervously gulp.  
"Hotel Pennsylvania" Lucas told her, not daring to bring his eyes up to meet hers, so he kept them firmly fixed on her feet.  
"You like my shoes?" Tammie laughed "You've been staring at them for the past few minutes"  
No I……I don't not like them…..I"  
"It's o.k. I was joking" she laughed again, intrigued by Lucas's mysteriousness. "Hotel Pennsylvania? Not the best in town"  
"Well it's the best I can do on my budget" Lucas replied smiling. Here he was, half an hour into his stay in New York, and he had already met a gorgeous woman who seemed to like him too.  
"So you're not rich then? Damn, I thought I was onto a good thing there. See ya" and with that she walked away as Lucas stared with his mouth open in amazement. Tammie turned back around and upon seeing Lucas's expression, burst out laughing.  
"What did you think I was serious?" she walked back towards him and placed a hand on his chest. "I don't walk away from the cute ones. Even if they don't have much money" she whispered into his ear.

Lucas smiled, but pulled back slightly.  
"I'd better get going" he said "It was nice meeting you"  
"Hey" Tammie said, holding onto his shirt "Maybe we could meet up some place tonight. I could show you around a little bit"  
"Sounds good" Lucas said, flipping open his phone to type in Tammie's number. She leaned in again so that her lips were almost touching his ear.  
"And I won't be in these boring work clothes. You can count on that"

Lucas grinned and brought his gaze up to meet Tammie's.  
"So that's what those eyes look like up close" she said "I guess I'll see more of them later."

She walked away, not looking back but knowing that Lucas was watching her. He squinted until he could no longer see her figure in the huge crowd, and then turned himself, walking towards what he presumed to be the exit seeing as that's where most people were heading. He'd been in large crowds of people before, but nothing could have prepared Lucas for the sea of people outside of the airport, taxis brightening up an otherwise drab setting. Everything that he could see seemed grey. The buildings, the sky, even the people. It all blended in apart from the stark contrasting yellow of the cabs passing by the airport at an alarmingly fast rate.

Lucas tried but failed miserably to hail a cab-his Tree Hill upbringing not really helping him much to be forceful. After almost quarter of an hour, a cab finally stopped, and Lucas the his bags in the trunk, only just shutting the door behind him as the driver set off, following the hundreds of other cars onto the highway.


	5. Learning something new

**Life Is What You Make It**

**Author-** Emily-Grace Mendes

**Discalimer-**I don't own the characters or the places featured in this chapter. I do however own Tammie. Eww.

**A/N-** Thankyou to everyone who has been reviewing, and also to Melissa who is giving me some pointers (hopefully it's working) Keep it up guys! Also, I',m having trouble finding a story I was reading (and stupidly I didn't put iy in favourites) so I was wondering if you gus could help me. I have no idea what it's called, or who the author is, but it's where the oth gang goes skiing to a lodge somewhere on a school trip. Brooke is with Felix but while she's there, her and Lucas get together. Oh...at the beginning (or near the beginning) everyone switches lodges so that leaves Brooke and Luca stuck together. that's about all I can remember lol. Oh...they play dares in a hot tub and Brooke gets dared to kiss Lucas or vice versa.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. I'll let you read this now lol. Read and reply... thank you :)

* * *

Learning something new

Brooke slipped her cold feet into a pair of black stilettos, which would have normally looked classy on someone else, or even her for that matter, but teamed with a jeans mini skirt and black halter neck, it was hardly the picture of elegance. Still, Brooke had been paid a little extra for her 'services' so she had decided to go out and try and have a little fun. Whether it would cheer her up or not was another matter, but it beat being alone in that crappy apartment she had. She shut the door behind her after grabbing her purse from the chest of drawers, sitting by the picture of her and Lucas together

Tonight was slightly warmer than it had been for a while-the sky was cloudy, but it didn't seem like it would rain. Brooke wrinkled her nose up towards the sky, sniffing deeply. She had always been proud that she could smell when it was going to rain-something Lucas always found amusing. But he wasn't here to laugh at her and then kiss her, so she laughed at herself, the small noise making her feel slightly safer.

That's another thing she hadn't expected about New York. She hardly ever felt safe-there were always people walking so close to her, seeming to stare at her as she walked down the streets. For the first time in her life, a big city had made her feel afraid-and the kind of adrenaline rush-afraid, she was really afraid.

"Club Casablanca" the cab driver told her, peering round to see Brooke trying to uncross her legs with dignity as she reached for her money.  
"So are you going to give me your number then?" he asked as Brooke narrowed her eyes, opening to door as her heart started to beat faster.  
"Sorry, I don't think so" she said, shutting the door and handing the driver some money.  
"Well that's too bad pretty girl" he said, grabbing for her wrist and pulling her back. Brooke tried to pull away but his grip was too strong and it was leaving a red mark on her skin.  
"Look" she said sternly, coming up to the window of the cab "You're not going to get my number, and you sure as hell aren't going to rape me. Now if you don't let go of me, I'll scream so loud that everyone is gonna come running out of this club and see you. Got that?"

The driver just stared at Brooke and let her wrist fall from his grip, exposing the deep red mark that spanned the width of her wrist.  
"Good, now don't you dare do that again." She spat as she walked off, lowering her skirt with one hand, and holding tightly to her purse with the other.  
"And don't you dare call me pretty girl" she whispered, the tears threatening to fall from her hazel eyes.

She'd been here before a few times with a girl she hung out with now and again-the only person she really knew In New York. Brooke stepped into the club which was bustling with all sorts of people-some dancing on the floor, some on tables, people crowding at the bar and generally having a good time. Brooke smiled, She liked these kind of places: ones which were warm and happy. Somewhere were she could forget about what she did during the week and just have fun.  
'And cute bartenders' she thought to herself, spotting a guy behind the bar who looked like he had just come back from a modelling set in Mexico or somewhere.

"Vodka and Cranberry please" she told him as she leant over the bar, her feet leaving the floor a little, her top lifting up slightly at the back so that her skin was exposed. "That's a little boring for someone like you" the bartender said as he mixed the drink, putting it down in front of Brooke.  
"Yeah, well I like to start off slow" she said sexily, taking a sip of the drink slowly, and then downing the rest right in front of the guy.  
"Don't think I've ever seen a girl drink alcohol that fast before"  
"I have many talents" Brooke replied as she handed him back the glass and walked away, heading in the direction of the bathroom.

Maybe she was going to have some fun after all.

* * *

"Hmm, not the nicest room I've seen, but seeing you in it makes it a whole lot more appealing" Tammie told Lucas as she sat down on the bed watching him put his jacket over his body. "Oh you won't be needing that" "Why, where are we going?" he asked "Just for a few drinks and then maybe we'll hit a few clubs on the way home"  
"A few?" Lucas asked sceptically.  
"O.k, I love clubbing, and there's this great salsa club in Queens that I've been to a couple times, and"  
"O.k I get it" Lucas laughed "You totally remind me of……" and then he stopped himself. Brooke. He hadn't thought of her all day, and that scared him. Maybe he was finally over her.  
"I remind you of who?" Tammie asked, moving closer to Lucas, taking his coat off.  
"Just this girl back in Tree Hill"  
"Home town"  
"How'd you know?" Lucas asked.  
"You got that look on your face"  
"What kind of a look"  
"The one people get when they're missing home, or someone back at home"  
"Yeah, well she left a long time ago. Never heard from her since"  
"Uh, uh. This girl doesn't by any chance happen to be someone you dated for a while in high school, and lived with during sophomore year, does she"  
"Are you psychic or something?" Lucas asked in amazement.  
"I think I know her. Brooke Davis"  
"How'd you….I mean….." Lucas stuttered. This couldn't be happening. One minute he was questioning himself being over her, and now here was this beautiful girl telling him that she knew someone who was even more beautiful, if that was possible, than her. There was no way he was over Brooke Davis. Not now.  
"Earth to Lucas?" Tammie laughed, waving her hands in front of his face.  
"Sorry"  
"I met her when she first moved here about five years ago. We go out together sometimes when she's not working. Don't think she has that many friends here"  
"She work a lot?" Lucas asked, desperately wanting to know more about Brooke. Something didn't sound right. She'd always had loads of friends back in Tree Hill, why should things be any different in New York?  
"She seems to." Tammie replied, getting annoyed by the fact that she was supposed to be on a date with Lucas and all he was interested in was finding out about Brooke. Lucas sensed her annoyance and tugged on her hand, helping her up from the bed.

Tammie took Lucas to a local sports bar, hoping that it would score her some points so that they could hit the salsa club later on. Besides, if he was drunk, surely he wouldn't care anyway.  
"So this is where you hang out a lot?" Lucas hazarded a guess, glancing around the bar which was quite full of people-mainly guys watching some sports channel on a plasma screen by the pool table.  
"I've been here a couple times" Tammie replied, gulping her drink down and flashing Lucas a smile.  
"You drunk that fast" Lucas said, sliding closer to her on the seat.  
"I can drink it faster" she whispered sexily. "Faster than you"  
"You wanna bet?" Lucas asked "Trust me, you don't wanna turn this into a competition"  
"Why? Cos you're afraid you'll lose?" Lucas flirted.  
"No" Tammie said, downing the last of her drink to Lucas's amazement. "You will"

* * *

The next update won't be for a few days because it's my birthday tomorrow so there's a few days of celebrations that me and all my friends will be able to drive lol. Plus partying-yay! Sorry for the randomness today. Might go write another one shot song fic now...hmm...

Emily-Grace xxx


	6. When Fists Go Awry

**Life Is What You Make It**

**Author- **Emily-Grace (Brookebynature)

**Disclaimer-**I don't own any of the characters other than Tammie and Amy.

**A/N- **Sorry it's taken me so long to update guys, but thanks for all of the reviews. They mean a lot to me. Hope you enjoy this, please read and review

* * *

Chapter 6- When Fists Go Awry

"I really gotta stop loosing to girls in drinking competitions" Lucas slurred as he and Tammie left the Sports bar and headed down the street, him leaning into her to try and support himself. He wasn't used to consuming large amounts of alcohol in such a short space of time any more. There had been a time when he would have been able to handle this amount no problem, but he hadn't seen the point of getting wasted on his own back in Tree Hill. It was always better when you were with someone.

* * *

"_Does that make you happy?" he asked as Brooke walked seductively around the pool table._

"_A little"_

"_Well as long as you don't feel cheap. You read a book, I drink a beer. We're even"_

_Brooke smiled, displaying her dimples as she reached Lucas._

"_You think this the thing you have to do with me?"_

"_Well, yeah…."_

_Brooke shook her head, her smile growing even wider._

"_This isn't the thing. This is just…… drinks before the thing" she said as she cocked an eyebrow, turning her head so that she looked him in the eye. Boy, he had no idea._

* * *

"Yeah, cos you're gonna keep zoning out on me like that" Tammie replied laughing as she waved her hands in front of his face. 

"Sorry" Lucas laughed back. "So where to now?"

"Club Casablanca!" Tammie shouted as she punched the air. Lucas doubled over with laughter and Tammie smacked him in the chest with her hand as she brought it down, causing him to stay doubled over, but this time, with pain.

"Oh God Lucas, are you o.k?" she asked, sobering up almost instantly as she watched Lucas clutch his chest, struggling for breath. "No of course you're not….otherwise you wouldn't be like that….oh god…. I'm so sorry"

"Just…….call……911" Lucas gasped, leaning against the wall with his back to the door of the club.

* * *

It had been two hours since Brooke had arrived at Club Casablanca and it certainly hadn't taken her long to grab the attention of guys. After numerous shots, she had gotten talking to a girl around the same age as her who was also on a rare 'night for fun' trip to the club. 

"We need to danceeeeeee" Brooke slurred as she grabbed the girl's hand, leading her to the middle of the dance floor.

"What's your name anyway?"

"Amyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy" she replied, slurring almost as badly as Brooke.

"You could totally be my new beshhhhhhhhhhht friend ya know" Brooke giggled, eyeing up a guy who was over at the bar.

"Total hottie" Amy said, as she looked over in the same direction as Brooke.

"Yeah, but I aren't in the mood for hooking up right now"

"Me neither, but a spot of sexy dancing can't hurt right?" Amy laughed. Grinding her body against the back of Brooke, who was also moving rhythmically to the music.

"I lovvvvvvvvvvvvvve this song!" Brooke shouted, punching the air.

"Me tooooooooooooo" Amy replied, copying Brooke's movements, but her expression soon turned from happy to pain as her fist collided with Brooke's.

"Owww" They both screamed in unison, before they started laughing. People were starting to stare at them, some clearly unimpressed with their behaviour, but most guys were checking them out, wondering what their chances of scoring with them were.

* * *

"Okay, well we'll have to keep you in the hospital for a few nights, just for observation" the doctor told Lucas. "But the medication seems to be keeping you stable" 

"Thank you" Lucas said as the doctor walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

"So tonight totally didn't go to plan" Tammie said, smiling at Lucas.

"Tell me about it."

"Okay, well we _were _having a good time, until I punched your scrawny chest, causing……well……this" Tammie laughed, indicating Lucas propped up in bed by numerous starchy white pillows.

"I didn't exactly mean tell me about it" Lucas laughed "It was just a figure of speech"

"I know" Tammie smiled "But this place is so gloomy, I figured I would make you laugh."

"Well you did" he replied, his eyes locking with hers.

_

* * *

Lucas opened his eyes and scanned the room. Brooke. Pictures of her were on the walls, ones of her cheerleading, ones of her with him, all centred around a simple, yet so special message. 'Get Well Soon Lucas' _

_She'd been so happy to see him awake, tears formed right away in her eyes. He'd not even been able to stop them by kissing her, but that kiss that she gave him was filled with so much love, it hurt. _

* * *

It hurt then and it hurt now. Then, because he knew that his heart wasn't in it, and that the person he really wanted to be kissing was Peyton. It hurt now, because all he wanted to do was see her again, kiss her, go back to how they were. Some people would have thought he was crazy if they knew how he wouldn't reverse what he did with Peyton. Why? 

Because it showed him how much Brooke meant to him, and how much more he appreciated things the second time round. He took in every detail of her the first night they were alone again. The way she smelt, looked, felt under his touch. The way her smile always reached her eyes when she saw him.

"Earth to Lucas once again!" Tammie said.

"Sorry, I know I keep doing that" he replied. He really needed to get over Brooke. Not forget about her, but get passed the hole relationship that they had, and start living his life again. After all, that's what he had come to New York for, and if Brooke wasn't going to live in the past, neither was he.

"I'll let it go this last time" Tammie smiled, "because of the medication"

Lucas nodded and laughed, enjoying the way Tammie made him feel. He wasn't uncomfortable around her, and she certainly wasn't boring to be with.

"But no more" she laughed, waving a finger at him. "Do I want to know what's going on in that pretty little head of yours?"

"No, it's all in the past" Lucas smiled, looking at Tammie's eyes. The blueness of them matched his own, as did her sandy blonde hair.

* * *

"Amyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy my hand hurts again" Brooke whined, rubbing her skin softly. 

"You just need more shots" Amy replied, handing Brooke a small glass containing some kind of greeny-coloured substance. Brooke downed it, shaking her body as she slammed the glass on the table.

"Power to the people!"

"What?" Amy laughed. Brooke just shrugged, and then a few seconds later, started hysterically laughing.

"P to the second power P" Brooke stopped herself laughing just long enough to say, as Amy looked at her, the confused expression turning into laughter once again.

"Oh my God" she screamed "Like the movie!"

"Yeah, where that hoe slut Priscilla is all like 'Jake, I need some"

"T to the fourth power Y!" Amy interrupted, sending herself and Brooke into a whole new round of hysteria.

* * *

"Tonight's been totally fun" Brooke said as she and Amy staggered out of the club, their high heels clacking on the pavement as they leant against each other, trying as best they could to walk in a straight line. 

"I know. We should do this next week"

"Give me your number, and then I cannnnnnnnnnnnn call you" Brooke slurred. Amy started to recite the number, but was then stopped half way through.

"I won't be able to remember this. I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed a pennnnnnnnnnn" Brooke told her. Amy fumbled around in her purse.

"Gotcha!" She scribbled the number down, her hands shaking.

"See ya next week" Brooke shouted over her shoulder as she made her way down the street in the opposite direction from Amy.

* * *

"You should get going" Lucas told Tammie. 

"I'm not leaving you. I caused all this"

"No, you need to go home. I'm fine, and I'll call you when I get out of here."

"I'll make you a deal." Tammie said "I'll go home now, but I'm coming back to visit tomorrow"

"Deal" Lucas said, laughing as they shook hands.

"K, well I'll see you tomorrow" Tammie said, kissing Lucas softly on the cheek.

"Bye" he whispered as she walked out of the door. He closed his eyes, resting his head back on the pillow as he thought about all that had happened that night. Who would have thought New York could be so interesting? Most people actually, he thought, smiling to himself. This trip actually was going to be interesting.

* * *

So I was thinking about skipping ahead a few weeks/ a month what do you think? Get Brooke and Lucas to meet up sooner? 

Well I should get back to writing a post for my new fic (What is a birhday anyway?) Gosh this writing thing takes up a lot of my time lol.

Emily-Grace xxx


	7. Two Worlds Collide

**Life Is What You Make It**

**Author-** Emily-Grace Mendes (Brookebynature)

**Discalimer-** I don't own any of the characters other than Tammie. God I don't like her.

**A/N-** Gosh I'm so sorry for the horrfic lack of updates for this story, but I've had a lot of work to do, and I've sorta been lacking focus. But never fear, i have brand new ideas, and I'm on Easter Break now :) More time to write. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy this chapter, it's shorter than my others, but I felt like it had the right ending, so i dodn't want to spoil it.

Please REVIEW!

* * *

Chapter 7- Two Worlds Collide

It had been a month since Lucas had arrived in New York. He and Tammie were dating, and Lucas had decided to buy an apartment in New York. Nothing too big or flashy, but just big enough so that he didn't have to feel cramped and rack up a huge bill like he had done in the hotel.

Today was moving in day, and the few things Lucas actually had with him, were being guarded on the street by Tammie, who found it hilarious to see Lucas struggle up the steps of the building with a cardboard box in his arms.

"You're a lightweight ya know" she laughed as he started on the third box, labelled 'Other Stuff'

"You try lifting these!" he replied, handing Tammie a box.

"No problem"

He watched as she effortlessly carried the box up the stairs, flashing him a smile and giving him a small before she disappeared inside the building.

"Light box" he muttered to himself, rubbing his shoulder that he had injured back in high school. Lucas turned his back to the building and walked forward to pick up another box, leaving only two more on the sidewalk. He turned around and felt the box smack against someone.

"Oh my God, I'm so sor….." Lucas looked over the top of the box and saw her face. The face that he had missed so much over the years, the face that made him smile anytime he saw it.

"Brooke" he whispered, feeling the world around him go quiet.

"Lucas?" she said, almost as a question. "What. What are you…."

"I'm moving in here" he said, indicating the building behind him. Brooke stared at him not knowing what to say, but then looked down at her outfit, suddenly becoming very self-conscious of what she was wearing. Lucas noticed her looking down, and followed her gaze with his, taking in her appearance.

"You look good" he said. It wasn't a complete lie. She still looked good, pretty. But there was something about her that was missing. She was a lot thinner than she used to be, and her hair was flat and lacking it's usual shine that Lucas remembered. Her clothes were short and she was showing a lot of pale, thin skin.

"C'mon Luke" she forced a smile "You don't have to lie"

"I'm not lying" he replied, wondering why it was that the usual 'Brooke Davis' sparkle was missing.

"But you look really good" she said, taking the focus away from herself.

"Thanks" he replied, knowing his stay in New York was doing him the world of good. Or at least he thought it was until now.

"You could have at least called a few times Brooke" he said softly, not wanting to upset her, but at the same time, wanting to convey to her that she still meant so much to him. She looked down once again at the floor, shifting her feet slightly.

"I know"

She didn't want to tell him the real reason she hadn't called. She didn't want his pity, his judgement. This was her life she had chosen for herself, and it wasn't up to him to rescue her any more.

"So you're moving in, I guess you're staying a while?" Brooke hazarded a guess, trying to find out what he was doing in New York.

"I came for a new focus" he replied. When he saw the confused look on Brooke's face, he elaborated. "I write, and I was sort of lacking ideas. So I came here for a change of scenery, a new inspiration"

'I just found it' he thought to himself as he saw a sparkle in Brooke's eyes as she took in what he just said.

"That's really great Luke" she told him. "I'm glad you're doing well"

They looked at each other in silence for a few seconds before Lucas spoke up.

"So what do you do now?"

Brooke opened her mouth but she didn't want to tell him.

"Lucas, where the hell did you get that vase from?" Tammie laughed as she came down the stairs. Brooke and Lucas both looked up to see her standing there, the smile slowly fading from her face.

"Tammie"

* * *

_You like? ..._


	8. Awkward Meetings

**Author- **Emily-Grace Mendes (Brookebynature)

**Disclaimer- **I don't own any of the characters except Tammie. Arghhhh I hate her so much!

**A/N- **I'm so sorry for the horrifically poor lack of updates, but here is one for you now. i have so many ides for this story, and I'm so excited, butin this chapter I just needed to establish a few things before I can get to the good bits. I hope you're all still reading :S

So here you go guys, please please please read and review xxx

**

* * *

**

**Life Is What You Make It**

Chapter 8-Awkward Meetings

"So that's my number" Brooke handed Lucas the small piece of paper, and with it, gave a smile, unsure smile. "Call me whenever" she shrugged, trying to make it sound as casual as possible. He looked at her through narrowed eyes. So they hadn't seen each other for five years, but he thought they'd have a little more to….well…..say to each other.

Finding Brooke Davis again was all he'd hoped for for so long, but he'd imagined it so differently in his head. She'd have had a huge smile on her face, displaying those dimples he knew and loved. She'd envelope him in a hug, and he could just hold her, relishing in the moment.

But none of that had happened.

Their meeting had been cold and awkward, and he didn't know why. Brooke frowned at Lucas, staring so intently at her. She could see the confusion in his eyes. What was she _doing? _She'd wanted to see him for so long, and now here he was, standing in front of her, and she'd just acted like she couldn't care less.

She softened her expression and hugged him gently. "I'm sorry if I seem a little off" she started, as he wrapped his arms around her, now smiling. "I'm just really tired."

It wasn't a complete lie. She _was _tired, she just wasn't going to tell him why.

"I'm just glad you're okay" he said softly, his breath hitting her neck as he spoke. And there they were. The familiar shivers she hadn't felt in so long. She closed her eyes and just felt. His sandy blonde hair was lightly brushing her face, and his hands were resting on the small of her back. It wasn't your average hug, this meant something. They both knew it, and neither said anything.

"So I'm just going to put the rest of these boxes in the apartment" Tammie interrupted them, somewhat coldly.

"Oh my God, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stop you from moving in together" Brooke pulled away from Lucas, her heart lurching. So here he was, in New York City, after five years of missing him, and he had as girlfriend, fiance perhaps, and they were moving in together.

"Oh no….We're not….I mean…we're not moving in together" Lucas stammered, looking at the expression on Brooke's face.

"Oh" she replied nodding, as if taking in the whole set-up. Really, she was contemplating snatching the piece of paper containing her number, out of his hand, and running as fast as she could down the street. But she didn't. Instead, Brooke focused on Lucas's jacket, wishing that her legs would just stop god-damn shaking.

"Well, I should head home, but it'd be nice to meet up sometime." her voice trembled.

"Yeah" Tammie answered, picking a small cardboard box up off the floor and hoisting it to rest on her hip.

"You don't have to call…." Brooke said, wishing that Tammie would stop staring at her. "Just if you want to"

"Hey" Lucas moved closer to her again and took her hand, flinching when he saw her eyes look away from him. He knew she felt those shivers. He did too, but this sure as hell wasn't going to work out for the two of them right now. He had a girlfriend that he…well….liked a lot. They hadn't said the 'l-word' to each other yet, mainly because Lucas was positively sure that he didn't love Tammie. It was a loneliness thing, plus they'd had fun together. He wasn't really sure what stage of relationship they were at now, but he honestly did like her.

"I will call you" he stated, trying to smile at her, but she just looked away. Brooke released her hand from Lucas' grasp and faked a smile. She didn't dare look either of them in the eye, but settled instead at the gap between the two, silently telling herself that this was the safest place to look.

"Well I guess I'll see you sometime then" she said softly, turning away from Lucas and Tammie as she made her way down the street. Lucas just watched her walk away, not knowing if that was going to be the last time he saw her for another five years. He wasn't even sure if she'd given him the right number, but he prayed that she had.

Brooke could feel Lucas' eyes following her down the street, but as much as she wanted to turn back and just run to him, fall into his arms and feel safe again, she didn't. She just kept walking, faster and faster, almost breaking into a run, because she knew that if she saw him again right now, she'd just break down and tell him everything.

But she didn't want him to know about her life, definitely not now. She didn't want him to know that she lived in a tiny apartment in a crappy neighbourhood. She didn't want him to know that she worked as a prostitute so that she could afford the bottles of vodka she needed to get through each week. And she sure as hell didn't want him to know that she still loved him, and that she needed him.

* * *

Hope that wasn't too bad for you guys, next chapter:

- Someone's feeling like a thrid wheel

- Lucas comes close to finding out about Brooke's life


	9. A Third Wheel

**Author-**Emily-Grace Mendes (Brookebynature)

**Disclaimer- **I don't own any of the characters...blah...blah...except that ho Tammie who I created. Stupid me.

**A/N- **Thanks so much for the reviews guys, and I'm so glad you're still following this story. Enjoy this chapter xxx

* * *

**Life Is What You Make It**

Chapter 9-A Third Wheel

"_Hey. You've reached Brooke Davis. Please leave your name and number and I'll get back to you."_

Lucas paused slightly after hearing the beep of the answer phone.

"Hey Brooke, it's um, Lucas." he said nervously into the receiver. "I was just wondering if you want to meet up tonight, maybe at a club or something?"

God what was he _doing_? That had to be the most unnatural-sounding question he'd ever asked anyone, especially Brooke. Shutting his eyes, he contemplated what to say next. He cleared his voice as his hands shook.

"So just call me back and let me know. K. Bye"

Brooke swigged the last of the contents of the newly-bought bottle of vodka as she shut her eyes tightly. Thank God she hadn't answered the phone. She just didn't expect him to call so _soon._ Still, she was glad he had, because she wasn't sure whether she could handle seeing him like that, and then not seeing him again, knowing that he was right under her nose.

She brought her thin wrist to her head, hoping that it would stop pounding if she just applied some pressure. No luck.

* * *

"Hey babe" Lucas wrapped his arms around Tammie as she flicked the switch of the kettle. Instead of relaxing into his arms like she usually would, Tammie stood stiffly, not turning to face him.

"What's up?"

"I can't believe you even have to ask me that Luke."

"Did I do something?"

Tammie released herself from his arms, which had now dropped loosely around her waist, and made her way to the front door.

"Is this about Brooke?" he asked, knowing fine well that it was.

"Could you have been any more touchy-feely?"

"Touchy-feely? Tammie we hardly said two words to each other."

"I saw it Lucas"

"Saw what?"

"The look in her eyes when you hugged her. The look in your eyes when she smiled at you."

"I was just pleased to see her. I haven't seen her for five years since first semester at College. I loved her and she just left"

"Yeah, and by the sounds of things, you're still in love with her." Tammie shouted, straightening her shirt as she grabbed her purse from the coat stand.

"I told you about Brooke when we first met. You said you understood."

"For God's sake Lucas it's been five years! Get over it."

Lucas shook his head and turned away. "Shut the door on your way out."

"So that's the thanks I get for helping you move in?"

"I can't do this right now Lucas"

"I wasn't asking you to do anything." his voice softened a little as he turned back to face Tammie.

"well I can't stand here and watch while you two flirt your way through an entire evening at God-knows what club she'll take you too."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean."

"Wise up to her act Lucas. You must know what she's like, you spent enough time with her in high school and college to know what she's like."

"And what is she like?" Lucas demanded, the anger building up again in his voice.

"She's a slut Lucas. I know that, you know that. Hell, even she knows that."

"Get out" Lucas said through gritted teeth. It was all he could do not to throw something at the wall. It hurt Brooke enough in high school to know that people thought of her that way, and now they were 23. They were adults and they had grown out of those stereotypical roles years ago.

Lucas watched the door slam in front of his face, but he simply turned round and screamed.

He hadn't known that he had it in him to be that loud, or to go from being so calm, to angry, and back to calm again before the anger finally spilled over.

* * *

Brooke pulled herself up off the couch, throwing the blanket to one side as she knocked over the empty bottle. She glanced at it for a few seconds, but ignored it, and made her way to the answer phone.

Her finger lingered over the delete button, and she held it poised, ready to erase the message, and Lucas from her life. But she didn't.

The tears pricked in her eyes and she let them fall, knowing that he would be so disappointed in her if he knew how she was living. Anger she could handle, being upset she could handle, but not disappointment.

'God Brooke what are you doing?' she thought to herself. Why the hell was she even contemplating deleting Lucas' message? She wanted to see him again more than anything. She wanted to run into his arms, for him to hold her and kiss her and tell her that she was safe.

But he had someone else to do that to now. He had Tammie and Tammie had Lucas, and who did she have? Nobody. But it was her own fault. She always wondered what kind of life she would have had if she'd stayed at College. No doubt she'd still be in touch with everyone that she loved back in Tree Hill. She'd have had enough money to make it through the week without resorting to prostitution so that she could feed and clothe herself.

But Lucas was here now, and that made things seem a little brighter. She wasn't going to ask him for money, and she wasn't going to tell him about her life, but he would still _be there_ if she needed him. Brooke was almost sure of that.

* * *

"hello?"

"Lucas it's Brooke"

He swallowed nervously. He'd waited and waited for this call, and three days later, she'd finally given in and dialled the number that she had desperately wanted to ring since he had left that message on her answer phone.

"You there Lucas?"

"Um…yeah sorry"

"So I was just calling to tell you I'm free tonight if you want to do something."

"Definitely" he replied, perhaps a little too fast. But Brooke smiled a real smile down the phone, as if he could see her.

"So what time and where?"

"Um…. I'm not really sure where. You'd think that after a month here I would know where things are by now, but still clueless" his laugh was met by a small giggle from Brooke, which instantly made Lucas feel more confident.

"Well it is a big place I guess" she smirked.

"You always were good at adjusting to new places. I guess I don't really take to change that well."

His heart lurched when he was met by a sad-sounding "not that good nowadays" from Brooke, buts she instantly tried to cover it up with a more cheery-sounding "So we haven't decided when and where yet"

"You okay Brooke?" And there it was. The question she'd dreaded him asking her, because she had to lie. She hated lies, especially when t came to her and Lucas, but right now it seemed like the only option.

"I'm fine. Just a little tired like a told you the other day."

Brooke let out a little breath when Lucas seemed to buy her answer, and decided on 8 o'clock as the time for her to meet him outside his apartment building.

"I know a few clubs around here" she said into the phone.

"But is there somewhere we can talk?" Lucas asked quickly "so we can catch up on each other's lives."

"Sure. We'll go to 'The Loft' it's got a good dance floor there too."

"Well that'll be good for then, cos you know I don't dance."

"You will" she smirked into the phone. Lucas smiled at the other end, knowing that he would end up doing whatever she wanted. He could imagine her dimples on display at the other end of the line as she planned whatever craziness they were going to get up to tonight.

"And bring Tammie too" Brooke said as brightly as she could. Truth be told, she didn't want her there. She wanted to know everything about Lucas' life now, and she wanted to be able to talk to him without having to think about what Tammie would think of her.

"Sure" he said uneasily "I'll ask her" Well he wasn't going to tell Brooke about their argument the other day, but he told himself that he should phone Tammie, especially since he hadn't returned any of the apology calls that she'd left him over the past few days.

"Coolio" Brooke answered, clapping her hands and almost dropping the phone. Lucas laughed and she chuckled too. It was the most she'd smiled in years.

"Well I'll see you tonight then." Lucas told her

"You will" she assured him. Brooke didn't want him to doubt that she was going to come, because she definitely was. Or at least, she planned to.

* * *

Please REVIEW guys, it'll only take a minute :) 


	10. Cali Rose And A Club

**Author- **Emily-Grace Mendes (Brookebynature)

**Disclaimer- **I don't own any of the characters excpet tammie. Why the hell did I even create her? Oh well...

**A/N- **Thank you guys for the amazing reviews you have left me. I'm so in love with this story now, so i hope you are enjoying it as much as I like writing it. This is a long chapter, mainly because it was hard to split up, but also becuase I'm in the middle of A level exams at the moment, so I am actually trying to do well. HOWEVER: I'll start writing the next chapter tonight, and it should be up by the weekend.

Please read and review. xxx

* * *

**Life Is What You Make It**

Chapter 10- Cali Rose AndA Club

'It'll be quick' Brooke thought to herself as she made her way along the dark street. At least it had started to warm up a bit. For the past few weeks, it had been unusually chilly for the Spring, but now as the nights were getting lighter, the weather had started to improve. Still, no matter what time of day, or what kind of weather it was, Brooke hated walking down this street.

She had been all ready to go out, and had even managed to cover up most of the bruises with concealer, when she'd gotten a call from one of her regulars. Knowing that he would pay her a decent amount of money, Brooke accepted his call, telling herself that she would be able to make it back to her apartment again to have a quick shower.

Justin, his name was, had become one of her 'favourite' clients, if you could call it that. He was a truck driver, originally from New Jersey, he'd told her, and was now living in New York after separating from his wife. She'd kept their two kids, and he wasn't even allowed to see them on weekends.

Justin treated her better than any of her other clients, and after he had started to tell her about his life, she warmed to him a bit more. She used to think that men who used girls like her were only wanting rough sex, not feeling anything, not caring about their feelings. But Justin was lonely. Brooke knew that, and she didn't blame him. After all, she was doing the same thing.

* * *

Lucas stepped out of his shower, cursing when he saw that he hadn't unpacked the new towels he had bought. He made his way from the bathroom to the main living room, crouching down as he moved past the window so that nobody could see his naked form. He knew Brooke would laugh if she could see what he was doing, and thinking about her made him smile too. He wondered whether she was getting ready right now. Mind you, this was Brooke, so she'd probably be leaving it until that last minute, making her late as usual. Not that he minded. Just spending time with her was enough.

* * *

Hey Justin" Broke entered the room, swaying her hips as she moved past the large man standing in the doorway. She made her way to the bed, wishing that she could just get it over and done with so that she could shower, and then catch up with Lucas.

She hitched the barely-there skirt higher on her waist so that she was showing even more of her legs as she perched on the end of the bed, undoing the buttons of her corset-style shirt as she looked Justin in the eye. He made his way over to her, licking his lips as he neared Brooke, who had uncrossed her legs so that he could see right up her skirt.

She hated feeling this dirty, this cheap, but New York wasn't an easy place to get a job, let alone one that paid well and she enjoyed. Still, she'd talked herself into prostitution, telling herself that it was better than living on the streets. Sometimes though, she wasn't so sure.

"What's the matter?" Justin asked gruffly as he pushed her down onto the bed, taking the buttons in his hands, and undoing them quickly. Broke shook her head, a little afraid.

"Nothing" she mumbled, trying to distract him by working on the zipper of his jeans.

"Lighten up then. World's not ending" he gripped Brooke's shoulder hard as he freed himself of his dirty jeans, surveying her nearly topless body below him. She winced in pain. Her skin was beginning to get very thin from the constant bruises and lack of proper nourishment.

It wasn't over and done with quickly like she'd hoped. This time, he wanted something extra, he wanted her to do more. Brooke looked at the clock on the beige wall. She was definitely going to be late.

"Turn around" he said harshly as he practically forced Brooke's body so that she was bent over the bed, her dignity completely taken away. He pushed himself deeply into her, causing a small cry to escape her pale lips. It was all she could do not to cry and scream. He moved in and out of her, his rough hands groping her breasts as he grunted with each thrust.

Brooke could feel the bruise on her shoulder start to form, and she knew that by the next morning, there would be marks on her breasts too. She just wished that the bra she was wearing covered more of her skin. Her breasts were the only part of her that she wouldn't let clients see. The pain he was causing inside of her was starting to get worse as her muscles tensed up even more.

"You're tight tonight" Justin said breathlessly in between grunts. A tear escaped down Brooke's cheek as she knew he was near his release.

She hadn't exceeded the expectations that everyone had had for her back in high school like she had wanted to so badly. She was being used in the same way that she always had been, only this time, she was getting paid for it. Classy.

* * *

Lucas finished drying himself off in his bedroom, his naked body safely hidden behind the closed blind. He deliberated over which shirt to wear, as he had no idea what kind of a club they were going to. Brooke had said it had a dance floor, and somewhere to talk, so he guessed smart-casual.

The room was practically empty apart from the double bed and various cardboard boxes on the cream carpet. He'd never seen an apartment look more bland than this one did. Still, he'd only moved in a few days ago, and he planned on staying in New York for a while, since he had found Brooke…..or she had found him, whichever way you wanted to look at it.

* * *

Brooke's shaky hand placed the key in front of the lock, but she could barely see through her tears. The one client she hadn't felt threatened by, had now take away every last inch of dignity and self-confidence she had. She shut the door behind her and practically ran to the shower, flicking on the radio to drown out her own sobs.

She managed a smile to herself when she heard the upbeat rhythm of 'you got the music in you' Wincing as she let the warm water wash over the newly-formed bruise on her shoulder, Brooke closed her eyes, trying to take her mind off what she'd just done, and focus instead on her and Lucas.

"_Broody, I've just heard about the awesomeist party ever! It's gonna totally kick ass" Lucas caught her hands as she clapped them excitedly._

"_Brooke" he said slowly, smiling at her perfect features._

"_Yes?"_

"_We have our term papers due in tomorrow."_

"_So?"_

"_So I don't think a party is the best idea. Even if it is the awesomist one ever." Lucas frowned at the use of his terminology. "Awesomeist by the way, isn't a word. It's the most awesome."_

"_Whatever Wordsworth, the party will kick ass, and I'm going, and you know you want to go too."_

"_Do you even know who Wordsworth is Brooke?" Lucas chuckled, letting go of her delicate hands and placing them by her side._

"_Someone I made up"_

"_Oh God" he laughed. He knew fine well he'd be going to this party. Brooke always got what she wanted, and if this party was gonna 'kick ass' as she put it, there'd be no way in hell that she would let them miss it._

"_So you're coming right?"_

"_I guess I don't have a choice anyway."_

"_Good Broody" she smiled, kissing him softly on the cheek. "Now I gotta go round up some more of the troops. See ya later."_

Yep. Thinking about Lucas always made her smile.

* * *

Lucas paced the front of his apartment building, checking his watch every few seconds, a worried expression on his face. She'd said she would be there, so he really had no reason to doubt her. But this was Brooke, and Brooke was unpredictable to say the least. He'd tried telling himself that she was just taking a long time to get ready, which was always the case back in high school and college.

* * *

Brooke pulled the black sweater over her head, smoothing it down over her sore breasts. Checking her reflection in the mirror, she gave herself a satisfied nod, silently reminding herself that she would have to buy some more concealer soon. The bruises were hardly visible now, and the one on her shoulder was covered nicely with the sweater.

Even if she did get hot, the club would be dark and crowded so Lucas wouldn't be able to notice the dark swelling. Her purse was set on the chest of drawers which housed her favourite photograph of herself and Lucas back in high school. Smiling at the memory, and the thought of tonight, she grabbed the silver coloured purse and headed out of the door, clacking down the stairs in a pair of black strappy stilettos. She hadn't forgotten what had just happened back at Justin's, but she could push it to the back of her mind, at least for tonight while she was out with Lucas.

She shivered as she made her way along the dimly lit street, cringed when she turned the corner and saw a past client, and hurried as she felt his eyes on her. Looking back, she let out a relieved sigh when she found he hadn't followed her.

Lucas continued to pace the small stretch of sidewalk outside of the building, pausing occasionally to rub the back of his neck nervously. Surely she was done running? Surely she'd come. Wouldn't she? After all, she'd told him she would, and he really didn't want their first conversation for five years to be full of lies.

She saw him standing there, checking his watch. After being this late she wasn't sure whether he would have waited for her, but he had, and so far, Tammie wasn't in sight. It wasn't like Broke hated her, because she didn't. Tammie had probably been the first person she had really talked to since moving to New York, and it had been somewhat fun to party with her after feeling as lonely as she had been.

"Betcha thought I'd stood you up" Brooke giggled behind him. Lucas turned around and smiled when he saw her standing there, hair freshly washed and blow-dried, clothes neat and a new-looking handbag.

"Nah" he replied nervously "Just thought you'd be leaving it until the last minute to get ready. You always did."

Brooke forced a smile, and nodded. "You got it."

"So where are we going then?" Lucas asked as they made their way up the street, his arm resting by his side, wanting desperately to touch Brooke's.

"I told you over the phone" she replied shaking her head. "The Loft"

"Sounds….erm…lofty"

Brooke smacked his arm playfully "Lofty? What the hell is that?"

"Well I have no idea what kind of place it is, so I went with the first adjective that came into my head."

"Is lofty even a word?"

"Probably not, but whatever." Lucas laughed. Brooke felt his arm graze against her side as they walked, and she willed him to wrap it around her, but he didn't. He kept it almost ridgedly by his side for the rest of the walk, only moving it to point to various buildings that he liked.

"So what do you do now?" Lucas asked curiously. Brooke felt her face flush, and she looked down, saying the first thing that came to her head.

"Erm…I'm a waitress"

Lucas nodded, frowning a little as to why she seemed almost hesitant with her answer. Still he let it go, and smiled at her.

"What about you?"

"I write."

"I always could see you as an author Luke. That's great"

"Not the basketball star everyone thought I would be huh?" he laughed a little as they walked across the street, nearing a few clubs.

"What happened?"

"During College, after you left actually" he started, but noticed instead of tuning out, like most people did when they asked for the reason he didn't play anymore, not really wanting to hear it, Brooke listened intently, watching his face as he talked.

"the HCM got quite a lot worse. I could only last about fifteen minutes at full pace. Coach started to bring be on only at the end of the games, then I was dropped to the bench, then the reserves, until I hardly played at all."

"I'm sorry Luke."

"It's fine. Besides, I probably wouldn't have followed the same path if I had stuck with basketball. I really enjoy writing."

"Still I bet you miss it?"

"Yeah sometimes. I play now and again, still shoot some hoops with Fergie and Skillz and the guys when I'm at the Rivercourt.

"In here" Brooke touched Lucas' arm as they reached the outside door of a very full-looking club. There they were again. The shivers. Lucas looked at her, but noticed that she turned away, pointing to a table as they walked up some metal stairs.

* * *

"Cool place" Lucas said, taking their minds away from what they both had just felt. "You come here often?"

"Really original line Lucas" Brooke teased, making her way to a table which seemed to be a way away from the speakers, deciding that if they were going to catch up on each other's lives, they should at least be able to hear the other speak.

"So how come you moved to New York?" Brooke asked as she sipped on the vodka and coke Lucas had just bought her.

Figuring that maybe it wasn't the best time to tell the whole truth, Lucas replied "I wanted a new focus, for my latest book. I was kinda lacking inspiration ya know?"

Brooke nodded, and took another sip.

"So what about you? How come you chose New York?"

"Simple" she shrugged. "I was young, naïve. I thought I'd be able to get a job in Barneys or Bloomingdales, ya know, doing something that I loved."

"Didn't work out like that huh?"

"Not exactly" Brooke told him truthfully.

"But you like your job right?"

"Right" she lied again. "Look I'm just going to use the bathroom k?"

Lucas nodded and watched her walk away, looking at the contents of her glass. Brooke had always been able to drink a large amount of alcohol, but this was exceptionally fast, even for her. He'd only bought the drinks a few minutes ago, and now there was only a drop left in her glass. He shrugged to himself, knowing that after five years of being out of her life, he couldn't just come back into it and tell her what to drink. So he made his way to the bar, pushing past a crowd of men who were talking about a certain 'Cali Rose' as being a good fuck, and ordered another drink for Brooke.

* * *

'pull yourself together Brooke' she thought as she sat down on the toilet seat, her heels making a loud clacking sound on the tiled floor as she stretched them out in front of her. She was starting to get really hot, wondering how much longer she could last with the sweater on.

'maybe if we go dance' she thought 'then he won't notice'

Unlocking the door, she ran her fingers through her hair a few times in front of the mirror before exiting the bathroom.

* * *

"Hey, you wanna take a break from talking and go dance for a bit?" Brooke asked. Lucas shook his head and laughed. You know I don't dance, and I told you that on the phone.

"So? That's not going to stop me getting you to dance. Besides, we haven't danced together in five years. I have some new moves" she smirked. That was enough to get Lucas off his seat in a few seconds. Brooke smiled to herself and gulped down the new drink, leaving only a drop in the bottom. Lucas looked at her with a worried expression, but Brooke waved it away.

"You don't want those idiots date raping me now do you?"

Lucas simply followed her to the middle of the dance floor where the crowd was packed very tightly together.

"Middle of the floor is always the best" she shouted above the music.

Brooke managed to loosen Lucas up by draping an arm casually around his waist as she moved around him, not noticing the expression on his face. If she had, she would have seen the excitement, pleasure and nervousness all at the same time.

* * *

"I think I'm gonna sit this one out" Lucas told Brooke after noticing that they were beginning to dance even closer together than they had been. He didn't want to freak her out, and he surely would if he stayed there a moment longer with her lean body grazing against him and her smudged eyeliner making her eyes look even more enticing and sexy than usual.

"I'll come" she followed him back to their table, ignoring the whistles and cheers coming from a group of guys stood near the bar, as did Lucas, who could feel himself getting angry again. They should have been past the high school stage in…well….high school.

"So where's Tammie?" Brooke asked as they sat down, moving her chair closer to Lucas' so that she could hear him more clearly.

"She couldn't make it. Something to do with her family"

"Everything okay with you too?"

"Sure" Lucas replied with a lack of enthusiasm "Why do you ask?"

Brooke, somewhat disappointed answered him "Just curious." She didn't even know why she was getting her hopes up about a future for her and Lucas together. She'd left him five years ago, at the point where their relationship was the most stable it had been since they'd first met, so it was highly unlikely that he would drop Tammie and date her, no matter how much she wanted or needed him.

"You look like you're thinking" he said after a few minutes of being quiet.

"I was"

"About?"

"About how things use to be" she told him "How's Haley? And Nathan? And everybody back in Tree Hill. Are they all even in Tree Hill?"

Lucas smiled, glad that she hadn't forgotten about their old life, even if she was no longer part of it. "Nate and Haley got remarried and had a son not long after. He's like eight months old now I think."

"What's his name?" Brooke asked, almost in a whisper.

"Daniel"

"What? As in like after _Dan?_"

Lucas nodded. "hard to believe after everything that happened, Nathan's so close to Dan now. And Haley too."

"Wow. I guessed I missed a lot huh?"

Lucas nodded sadly. "But at least you're getting to hear about it now right?"

"Right." she replied sadly "And what about Jake and Peyton? Tell me they finally sorted everything out."

"Not so much" Lucas laughed a little "But they're happy. Both of them are dating, but they're still such good friends."

"No chance of them getting married and having any little Jeyton babies then?"

Lucas laughed at both her optimism and excitement. And her choice of words. "Jeyton?"

"You know! Like the beginning of Jake and the end of Peyton. Put them together you get Jeyton." Brooke told him, as if it was the most simple thing in the world.

"You're something else you know that?" he said softly, watching her face as the dimples emerged, making his own smile light up too. They sat there, just looking at each other for a while until Lucas' cell phone vibrating in his pocket broke their moment.

"Sorry, I just gotta…" he pointed to his phone and then the door. Brooke nodded, trying to hide her disappointment.

* * *

"hey what's up?" Lucas tried to sound as happy as possible, but couldn't be more annoyed that Tammie had interrupted them, just as they were beginning to fall back into a comfortable friendship.

"I'm out with Brooke. I asked you if you wanted to come" he said into the phone, his tone getting a little more annoyed.

Brooke contemplated going to the bar for a refill, but decided against it, telling herself that she didn't need the alcohol. Maybe things would be different now. Instead, she grabbed Lucas' jacket off the chair, placing it on top of her own sweater that she was carrying and made her way in the same direction Lucas had. Outside.

"Tammie she's an old friend. There's nothing going on, I told you before."

Brooke reached the door and saw Lucas having what seemed to be an argument down the phone.

"I came to New York to find Brooke!"

That was as much as she could handle, Brooke fought her way inside, pushing past a group of guys, one of which had slid his hands up the inside of her short skirt.

"Get the hell away from me" Brooke shouted, twisting so that she could remove the guy's hand. Having to carry two jackets wasn't helping her situation.

"How'd you like to come home with me Cali Rose" he leered at her, licking his lips.

Brooke shut her eyes. This is what she'd always been, almost all the way through high school, and now she was back doing the same things, and getting into the same situations.

"Just get off me" It came out more like a plea, and the guys just laughed.

"Not the dominating slut now are you?" he asked, keeping his hand pressed firmly against her inner thigh.

"She said get off her!" Lucas' strong voice echoing in Brooke's ear was a relief to say the least. He took the jackets out of her hands, placed her own around her shoulders, and then took hold of her hand, leading her down the stairs and out of the club.

* * *

"Thank you" she whispered, the tears threatening to fall down her face. Lucas just nodded and pulled her too him, smoothing her silky brown hair.

"C'mon" he said, releasing her from his warm arms "I'll walk you home"

"No" Brooke replied quickly "I mean, it's fine, I can walk myself"

"Like Hell you can" Lucas told her " I want to know you're safe"

That was it. Right there and then her heart melted and she fell all over again for the boy she'd never stopped loving.

"okay, well um…my apartment's just two blocks away" she lied. There was no way in hell he was seeing where she lived. He'd probably make her stay with him, and as much as she wanted to, after five years of no contact and the feelings that she still harboured for him, Brooke knew she couldn't stay under the same roof as Lucas. Not even for a night.

They continued to walk slowly, Lucas' eyes constantly flicking to Brooke's bruised shoulder. She caught him, and followed his gaze. Mentally kicking herself for not putting her sweater on.

"I fell in the shower" she told him, trying to add a realistic-sounding giggle onto the end. He narrowed his eyes, still looking at the bruise as Brooke tensed up even more. But he nodded and moved his eyes away from her shoulder, looking instead at the buildings along the street.

"I really like this place" he told her.

"me too. The buildings are so ornate and pretty."

"Pretty" he laughed, looking at her face. She swallowed uneasily, using all of her will power not attack him right there and then with her lips.

"So this is my building" she said as they stopped outside a large tower, housing modest-looking apartments. "It's not much but it's better than nothing right?" she said, averting her eyes to the stone wall. He just smiled at her and watched as she walked up the steps.

"Thanks for tonight Luke. I really had fun."

Lucas decided not to bring up what had just happened. "me too. We should do it again soon." he added quickly.

"Sure. Well you have my number and I have yours." Brooke replied.

"How about tomorrow? You're not working are you?" He needed to see her again, and soon. He sensed that there was something she wasn't telling him, and even if she was, he wanted to know more about her.

Brooke shook her head. "I'm not working"

"Great. I'll call you tomorrow." he promised, watching her as she turned to face the building.

"night Luke" She disappeared inside the building, incredibly glad that she had managed to open the door without any trouble. Now all she had to do was wait a few minutes until he was out of side so that she could get back to her own apartment.

"night Brooke"

* * *

You know what to do. Hit that little review button please. Thanks guys xxx 


	11. Coffee And A Revelation

**Author- **Emily-Grace Mendes (Brookebynature)

**Disclaimer- **Oooh, none of the people that I own appear in this chapter. Coolio!

**A/N- **Firstly, I want to say an immense thank you to you lovely reviewers. **brucasforever****photobooth romance****CJ1114****ksmurfer****Laura369****BrucasFan4Ever****B. Davis****brucas224****Elliemo****S0phiaVal3ntine**I love reading your reviews, and to anyone else that has commented, thank you too!

Well, I have just read this, and realised that not too much happens, but sometimes you just need to build up the charaters. Hmm...well, I'm supposed to be revising right now, but instead, I am giving you guys this as a treat, and mainly because I won't be arond here this weekend. God I love bank holidasy partying :)

Good news: it's half term break next week, so I SHOULD have more time to write (although, I can't help it if I wake up in a serious shopping mood.) Forgive me.

* * *

**Life Is What You Make It**

Chapter 11- Coffee And A Revelation

"So I was thinking maybe we could go for a coffee or something" Lucas told Brooke over the phone. "Catch up a bit more."

"By coffee you mean hot chocolate right?" Brooke questioned, tilting the photo on top of the chest of drawers so that it faced the couch.

"if that's what you want" Lucas laughed.

"You got it. Meet you by your apartment around 2ish this afternoon?"

"I could come walk with you." Lucas offered

"No" Brooke interjected quickly. "Sorry, I mean it's o.k, I've walked myself for five years, another time's not gonna hurt" she tried to laugh at the end, making it sound natural rather than force. It worked.

"Okay then, that's what I get for offering to walk a lady" he chuckled. These phone conversations with Brooke were the highlight of his day, other than seeing her of course. But just hearing her voice was enough to suppress his constant desire to be with her, at least for a few hours.

* * *

"So where's this place that you work at?" Lucas asked as he sat down beside Brooke on a large comfy brown couch.

"Not too far away" Brooke told him vaguely, shifting her body so that she fit into the corner of the couch.

"I can just imagine it perfectly" Lucas laughed. "You've really painted a picture for me there."

"Hey!" she hit him lightly on the arm, smiling at him and moving a little closer. "Never mind about me, I want to know about everyone back home."

"So you still regard Tree Hill as home then?" Lucas asked her. Brooke looked down, unsure of what to say. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be bitter, it's just that I haven't seen you in five years Brooke. Five whole years and you've hardly told you anything about your life."

"There's not much to tell" she replied simply "I left my life in Tree Hill long ago Luke. I don't live that way now."

"What do you mean by that?" He moved closer, curious to know what it was that she meant. She sounded unhappy instead of her usual cheery self.

"I just mean that people change, their lives change Luke. You can't stay in the Tree Hill bubble forever."

"It's hardly a bubble Brooke. Look at all the crap that we went through during high school."

"exactly" she replied "So why would I want to go through all that again?"

"It's like you said." Lucas got up off the couch "People change."

* * *

Brooke watched him order a coffee and a hot chocolate at the counter. She was really going to have to stop letting him buy her drinks.

"I asked for no cream and minimal foam" Lucas told her as he sat back down, closer to her this time, almost close enough so that they were touching. _Almost. _

Brooke laughed a little and gave him an appreciative smile. "Why would you want to ruin a perfectly good drink by putting whip cream and foam on the top?"

"I seem to remember that you're a fan of whip cream." Lucas mused "Or am I mistaken?"

"I'm a fan of whip cream in certain situations" she flirted back "But not on my hot chocolate."

"I see your point" he laughed, thanking the woman who had just brought over their drinks. Brooke took a small sip, but instantly recoiled, setting her mug down on the table.

"Hot" she screeched, much to Lucas' humour.

"Well that's what you get if you can't wait five minutes for it to cool down."

"You're going to have to stop making fun of me" she told him. "otherwise I might not talk to you again."

Just the thought of it made Brooke and Lucas uneasy. Neither of them could imagine not spending time with the other, especially now that they had _almost _everything they wanted for five years.

"Well in that case, I promise to stop making fun of you" Lucas said, resting his hand on her leg for a few seconds. He noticed she smiled wider when he did this, taking it as an indication that she must still feel something for him. After all they'd been through together, being apart only made them love each other more.

* * *

"So Karen's Café" Brooke started, turning her whole body so that she could face Lucas properly, instead of getting just a side view of his face.

"My Mom's Café" he repeated, waiting for her to continue.

"Is it still as comforting as it always was?" Brooke asked, remembering all the times the two of them had enjoyed there.

"_Brooke put down the whip cream."_

"_uh uh" she shook her head, waving the can around in her hand._

"_Don't make me resort to unfair tactics."_

"_You can resort to whatever tactics you want Broody" she told him "But I'm not putting this cream down."_

"_Even if I do this?" he asked, pinning her hands above her head as he pressed her back against the wall, his lips finding hers with incredible speed._

"_Unfair" Brooke mumbled into the kiss, her knees growing weaker as he continued to kiss her lips, his hot breath mingling with hers._

"_You guys!" Haley shrieked, returning from the store cupboard. "We have customers Brooke!"_

_Lucas detached his lips form Brooke's, making sure his body was still pressed closely to hers. "Lucas just came to bring me some lunch"_

"_Not buying it." Haley scolded, but she was still smiling. "But if he's here, he might as well help wash up."_

"_Sorry babe" he kissed Brooke one last time before straightening her apron for her. "I gotta go meet the guys at the River Court."_

_Brooke pouted, but whispered in his ear. "meet me back here after Haley's gone home. We can finish what we started."_

Lucas looked at Brooke's smiling face, wondering whether she was thinking about all of the times that the two of them had spent there, much to the annoyance of Karen who had often come in on a morning to find them asleep on one of the couches, or rainbow sprinkles covering the floor.

"Actually, it's not" he told her sadly, wondering why it was that the café had lost some of its charm.

"What happened?" Brooke asked. That place had always been somewhere she'd felt at home, somewhere she could relax and feel comfortable and not have to worry about a hostile atmosphere.

"I don't know really. It's like my mom stopped caring about the café. She spent less and less time there, and now she hardly goes at all. Deb practically runs the place."

Brooke frowned. Karen had always loved that café. Other than Lucas, it was the one that she loved.

"Weird" Brooke shrugged, testing her hot chocolate with her little finger before deciding that it was now cool enough to drink. Lucas watched her, wondering whether she would shriek again, but instead, she swallowed the liquid and smiled, taking another larger sip.

"Is it good?" he asked, receiving a nod in response.

"good" he replied, taking a sip of his own latte, looking out of the corner of his eye when he noticed Brooke peering over the top of her mug at him. He set his own mug down on the table and looked at her properly.

"Can I have just a teeny sip of your drink?" she asked, cocking her left eyebrow in the way that she always did when she was trying to appear cute, accompanying this with a hand gesture, holding her finger and thumb a centimetre apart.

"Sure" he laughed, and handed her the mug, watching intently as she took a small sip, followed by a bigger one, which was further followed by a gulp.

"Woah!" he took hold of her own mug, tasting the chocolaty liquid which smelt so good.

"Hey not fair!" she whined, handing him back the coffee and trying to snatch her mug from his hands.

"How is it not fair?" he chuckled, looking to see just how much of his latte was left.

"I asked you if I could have some, you just stole mine"

"You asked me if you could have a sip, Brooke, you drunk half the mug! And technically" he told her, moving closer so that he could have whispered to her "I paid for it, so it's mine anyway."

Brooke rolled her eyes, as if admitting defeat and held our her hands for her own mug.

"Luke! You drank loads!" she exclaimed, narrowing his eyes at his smiling face.

"payback"

"Whatever" she mumbled. "I'm going to get us more drinks."

"Actually" he started "I should be heading back soon, I promised Tammie that I'd take her out to the movies tonight. She wanted to see that new Lindsay Lohan film. Why women love romantic comedies is a mystery" Lucas chuckled, swallowing the last of his latte. "they suck."

"C'mon" Brooke said slowly "they're not that bad, besides, you never complained that much when we went to see them."

"Well those ones didn't have Lindsay Lohan in them."

"I'll have you know, Lindsay Lohan is a very good actress, although, she's looking a little thin lately."

Lucas' smile faded slightly when he looked at Brooke. _She _was looking a little thin, too thin. Her bones were clearly visible through her skin, he'd noticed it the other night, and you could see it in her face too. She'd never been fat, far from it, but she always used to have this curviness about her that made her super sexy. Now, her razor sharp cheekbones made her look gaunt and frail. But maybe it was just down to working long hours and not getting much sleep.

Lucas didn't want to start giving her advice or telling her his opinion. He wasn't going to do anything to ruin their newly-fledging relationship, because he couldn't stand to loose her again.

* * *

"At least let me walk you back to your apartment" Lucas told Brooke as they left the coffee house. She nodded guiltily, knowing that they were going to have to trail a few blocks in the opposite direction, but Lucas was none the wiser, so what did keeping him in the dark a little longer matter?

"How did you and Tammie meet anyways?" Brooke asked curiously, absent-mindedly running a finger through her shiny hair.

"At the airport, when I'd just landed cos I was coming to find….." he trailed off, stopping himself before he revealed the real reason he came to New York. He wasn't ready for the full truth yet.

"inspiration" Brooke nodded, and seemed to buy the idea, much to Lucas' relief. "You know, for my writing."

"And did you?"

"Not so much. But I really like it here, there's just something about this city that feels homely. And I know that's stupid, because it's huge, so much bigger than Tree Hill. But it's different, comforting you know?"

Brooke nodded. She didn't know at all. How the hell could this city be comforting? But then, Lucas didn't life the life she did. He had someone to feel comfort with. And it wasn't her.

"when you sit there at night and just look at the view with a cup of coffee, it's perfect"

"god you sound like one of those cheesy spokesmen for New York" Brooke laughed. "But seriously, your apartment sounds great. I should come over and have a nosy one day."

"you could tomorrow" Lucas said, perhaps a little too quickly.

"Um….sure. Maybe tomorrow night though, I've just got some stuff I need to do."

"Okay cool."

"What about Tammie?" Brooke asked

"What about her?"

"Will she mind? I mean, I've kind of kept you to myself these past few days. I just think she might want her boyfriend back."

Lucas closed his eyes. He didn't want to think of Tammie as his girlfriend, especially now that Brooke was back in his life, and he loved her as much, maybe even more than he ever had. But that's what she was. _His girlfriend. _Maybe if he hadn't found Brooke, then he would have been able to commit to Tammie more. They might have progressed in their relationship, maybe even saying the 'l-word' to each other.

But Brooke was here, and there was no denying that. But Lucas was glad that he'd realised his relationship with Tammie wasn't what he wanted. He was doing the same thing he always had: trying to replace Brooke. And he couldn't.

"She won't mind" Lucas told Brooke, brushing her hand with his as they turned the corner.

"Well if you're sure."

Lucas nodded. He wasn't sure at all, in fact, he and Tammie would probably have another fight. But as much as he wanted to, he couldn't end things just yet. He might freak Brooke out if he broke up with Tammie, because then there would be nothing holding him back from kissing her. And after hanging out twice, that was most definitely going too fast. Besides, given their history, kissing was likely to lead to…. other stuff.

* * *

"Well I'll see you tomorrow then" Brooke said, skipping up the steps of the apartment building Lucas thought was her home. He couldn't resist. He just had to touch her again.

Walking up the stairs behind Brooke, he hugged her, bringing her as close to him as he could. He had to stop himself from kissing her hair, as he knew that would lead to him kissing her lips, and then God knows what else.

"What was that for?" she asked when he had released her from his arms. He didn't know. What _was _that for ?

"I missed you" he told her sincerely, his heart beating ridiculously fast. He expected her to walk away, maybe make some witty, sarcastic comment. But she didn't. She moved back into his embrace and leant her head on his chest.

"I missed you too Luke" Her voice almost cracked, but somehow she managed to hold it together, at least until he had said bye and she had disappeared inside the building. The door shut, and she watched him walk back down the block, his hands deep in his pockets, indicating that he was thinking about something, most probably, the moment they'd just shared.

And that's when she lost it. The tears pricking in her eyes were just fuelling her need to be with him again. It was as if her limbs weren't attached to her head, because surely if they were, she would have been able to stop herself from bolting out of the door and down the street.

"Lucas! Lucas Scott I think I love you!"

Glancing around the sidewalk, she couldn't see him. Nobody could disappear that fast, not even Lucas. She craned her neck, standing on her tip toes to get a better view of the crowd over the road. But she couldn't see him. And he couldn't hear her.

* * *

Don't hate me too much guys, I just wantd one of 'those moments' . Please review, even if you're hating me for that. xxx 


	12. A Birthday, A Card, A Lot Of Regret

**Author- **Emily-Grace Mendes (Brookebynature)

**Disclaimer- **I only own Tammie from this chapter, and the storyline I guess...unless it came to me in a dream and was stolen from a movie or something. God I hope not though...

**A/N- **Well guys, firstly, thank you very very much to all of you lovely reviewers-you do an amazing job of keeping me inspired and willing to write more. Secondly, sorry for the dely with this post. Who'd have thought that durning this break I would have had less time to write then when I'm normally at school? Weird...

Anyways, it's a good job that I had written most of thischapter the other day, otherwise my mood might have caused things to turn out differently. God damn parentals really get on my nerves.They only seem to take interest in something when I don't want them to. Oh well...on with the chapter. Enjoy :)

* * *

**Life Is What You Make It**

Chapter 12- A Birthday, A Card, A Lot Of Regret

Brooke stared at the envelope in her hands. It was white, just like all the others were. It was the same shape, same weight, had the same neatly-written name on it. Lucas.

She put it behind the other four which were housed safely in a drawer, next to the four gifts that had stayed inside there for years. It wasn't her fear that had stopped her from sending the cards. At least, that's what she told herself.

Technically, she had an excuse. Brooke hadn't known whether Lucas still lived in Tree Hill. She thought he did, after all, he had always loved that place, but still, she wasn't one hundred percent sure.

But now she had no excuse not to give him the cards. It was his birthday in a few days, and she'd spend the last of her money on his present. It wasn't much, none of the gifts she had bought him were. She hadn't had the money to buy him something spectacular, and she wished to God that she had, because he deserved it so much. He deserved to have a good life, someone that loved him for him, someone that could give him what he wanted without causing him pain. That wasn't her. Still, Brooke was happy with the gifts she had gotten him, and in the back of her mind, she knew that if Lucas had ever received them, he'd be happy too.

She'd avoided phoning him after what had happened after they'd been for coffee. It was true: she'd gotten caught up in the moment, and she hadn't thought about what she was doing. He had a girlfriend. Someone he probably loved, and she was about to destroy it all. That wasn't her style. Lucas had cheated on her with Peyton, and it had hurt more than anything. It only confirmed her suspicions that she wasn't good enough for him, and she was never ever going to put someone else through that. No matter how much she wanted the guy.

* * *

Lucas sunk down into the sofa, staring at the blank wall in front of him. 'God this place was depressing' he thought. Everything was beige. The carpets, the walls, most of the furniture. When sis he get so _boring?_

The last few days, his thoughts had been occupied by Brooke almost constantly. She hadn't rung him, even though they'd agreed that she'd arrange a time when they could next hang out. Lucas wondered whether it was the hug that had caused this distance between them. If only he could have contained himself. But he hadn't been able to, and who could blame him?

His relationship with Tammie was back on track, although Lucas didn't even know why he'd bothered patching things up. He didn't really want to be dating her, it had just been a comforting friendship thing when he first got here. He didn't need that now, he had Brooke. Or at least, he did have.

It was his birthday in three days, and his mom had rung the previous night to make sure that he would be back in Tree Hill. He'd promised that he would, not telling Karen anything about Brooke or Tammie. But he'd thought it over in bed, and decided that he would tell Brooke about his return to Tree Hill, and perhaps, if he could find the courage, ask her to go with him.

It was for Brooke's benefit as much as his. Se hadn't seen Haley or Nathan in five years, and she'd never met baby Daniel. Plus. Peyton lived nearby, and Jake, and Lucas hoped that they would all be able to just hang out, like they used to before she left.

But time wasn't going any slower, and the minutes going by without Lucas talking to her were minutes that he'd never get back.

* * *

Lucas picked up the phone and dialled Brooke's number before he had chance to talk himself out of it.

"hello?"

"Hey Brooke" his voice was starting to sound nervous and worried and excited all at once, just by hearing her voice. "It's Lucas"

"Hey." her heart was starting beat faster and she contemplated slamming the phone down and taking it off the hook, that way, she wouldn't have to deal with her feelings. But she didn't. Her shaking hand held the phone to her ear, her other hand stroking the name on the envelope.

"I was just checking things were okay between us. I mean, I Haven't heard from you for a few days and I just started…."

"Lucas" Brooke cut it, giggling a little "You're rambling"

"Sorry" he chuckled down the line, glad that things weren't _too _awkward between them.

"I'm sorry I haven't rung. I've kinda been busy with work." _lie. _"But I've been meaning to call." _another lie. _"How are things with you and Tammie? I hope you had a good time the other night." _lying again._

"Brooke, I was calling to ask you something."

"okay" she said slowly, wondering why he had just ignored almost everything she said. Maybe he knew she was lying.

"Could we meet up? You could come to my apartment."

Brooke nodded her head, half agreeing to the question, half in confusion. But then she realised he couldn't see her, and giggled softly again.

"What are you laughing at?" Lucas asked, a smile on his own face from hearing her sweet laugh.

"I was just nodding but then I realised you couldn't see me. I'll come over."

"I could come meet you."

"No it's fine." she couldn't take her chances and risk him finding out that she'd lied to him about her life. "I'll just walk to your building. Is Tammie there?"

"No she's gone shopping" Lucas told her. Brooke found herself smiling, knowing that she couldn't kid herself any longer about not having feelings for Lucas. She wondered just how long she could kid him too.

"well what time to you want me there?"

"Is now good for you?"

"Um…okay" Now she was really interested in what he wanted to ask her. 'It'd better not be which way to propose to Tammie.' she thought. 'Oh God, what if it was? Would she tell him? Would she just confess her feelings there and then? Tell him everything?'

"Brooke? You there?"

"Sorry. Kinda zoned out there."

"okay, well, you're coming now right?"

"Right" she told him.

"Okay well I'll see you in a bit then."

"Bye Luke"

She put the phone down and she the drawer, hiding the cards and gifts from her view. It was no good. She still knew they were there, and it was if they were screaming her name. But they weren't going to win.

* * *

"I thought I'd meet you out here." Lucas told Brooke as she stopped outside of his apartment building, staring up at the tall structure. "Since you didn't know which apartment I live in."

"Good idea" Brooke nodded, smiling. "I never thought of that."

"Well hadn't until a few minutes ago."

"tsk tsk Broody" Brooke smiled, tapping him on the chest "and you're supposed to be the smart one."

Lucas just watched her smiling face as she shielded her eyes from the sun so that she could get a better look at the building.

"wow. I guess that book you wrote made you a decent amount of money."

Lucas laughed. Brooke was never one to say anything other that exactly what she thought. Unless it was about her feelings.

"well you wanna go inside then?" he asked.

"well I didn't come here just to look at the outside Luke. I want a good nosy at the interior too."

* * *

"I'm afraid it's not very exciting" Lucas told her as the lift stopped at the tenth floor. "I still need to do something with it."

He opened the door and let Brooke walk in first, smiling as he saw her mouth practically fall to the floor.

"Not very exciting? This is the nicest apartment I've been in. Ever" she told him as she made her way to the bay window in the living area.

"No wonder you like New York with those views" she laughed, turning around to gaze at the high ceilings.

"But it's all _beige" _Lucas said, his voice almost coming out whinny.

"So it's a blank canvas. That's the best kind." Brooke told him as she walked into the kitchen area, opening cupboards as she went, much to Lucas' amusement.

"Don't be afraid to go through all my stuff" Lucas laughed and leaned against the doorway as Brooke's expression got more and more excited.

"I'm done looking in here" Brooke announced after a few minutes. "What's the next room?"

"bedroom to the left, bathroom to the right" he told her. Brooke simply nodded and walked off, scrunching her toes up at the soft carpet.

* * *

"Lucas it's amazing. Sure it needs a bit of colour, curtains, some accessories here and there. But it's fabulous" she squealed, bending down the stroke the carpet with her fingers.

"What are you doing?" he laughed.

"the carpets are so soft Luke."

"you're crazy."

"maybe, but feel the carpet first before you tell me that again."

Lucas bent down and ran his fingers across the carpet as Brooke studied his face. "see. I told you it was soft."

"it really is" he chuckled, standing up again.

* * *

"So what did you want to ask me?" Brooke said as they sat down on the couch. Lucas fiddled with the hem of his shirt, wondering just how to ask her.

"So um…its my birthday in a few days." Brooke instantly felt guilty. Maybe she should have mentioned it. Maybe she should have brought the cards and gifts.

"I know" she said.

"You know?"

"C'mon Luke. I wouldn't forget your birthday. Just like I haven't forgotten Peyton's, or Haley's, or Nathan's or even your Mom's for that matter."

He found some comfort in that fact that every year, Brooke had thought of them all, even if they hadn't received a card. At least he knew she still cared.

"And my Mom asked me to go back to Tree Hill to spend it with her."

Brooke nodded, feeling somewhat upset. She wanted to spend his birthday with him, but then, she had no right to request something like that. Not so much as a card or phone call had been sent from her, so wanting to spend an entire day with Lucas on his birthday was a little selfish to say the least.

"I was wondering" Lucas continued, his shaky hands still playing with his shirt hem. "If you would come with me."

Brooke's face lit up and she jumped into Lucas' arms. "I'd love to come with you"

At this, Lucas' concerned expression turned into one of happiness and excitement. He rubbed his hands up and down Brooke's back slowly as she turned her head into his neck. Shutting his eyes, Lucas just felt. He felt the lightness of her wispy hair on his cheek, he felt her arms wrapping around him, but most of all, he felt her lips on his neck. Her soft, glossy perfect lips were actually touching his skin, making it feel as if it would burn underneath them.

"I didn't know if you would say yes." He admitted truthfully, breaking away from their warm embrace.

"If you'd have asked me a few days ago, I don't think I would have said yes." Brooke replied, equally as honest.

"But you're not going to chance your mind?"

Brooke shook her head, smiling. "I've wanted to go back to Tree Hill for five years."

"So why didn't you?" Lucas asked

Brooke shrugged. "I guess I was scared of what people would think about my leaving college. Just lived up to their expectations I suppose."

"Brooke"

"You know it's true Lucas. It's amazing I even made it through high school, let alone to college."

"You know I always believed you could do it."

Brooke nodded. "And that was the worst thing. You believed in me and I let you down."

"let me down?" Lucas questioned "How?"

"You put so much time and effort into helping me that first semester, and for what? For me to leave after a few months."

Lucas could find no words to respond to Brooke's comment, so settled for pulling her to him and kissing her head lightly, savouring the small of the cherry-scented shampoo.

* * *

"Lucas I'm……oh" Tammie walked into the living room to find Brooke and Lucas snuggled cosily into the couch.

"hey Tammie" Brooke tried to be friendly as she pulled out of Lucas' embrace, staring at the floor for a few seconds. "well I should go, give you two some……" Brooke thought hard for a word to describe what she knew Tammie and Lucas would be doing "couple time"

Lucas gave her a confused nod, which was reciprocated with a dimpled smile.

"I'll call you" she told him as she made her way to the apartment door, meanwhile, an angry Tammie stood before Lucas.

"Bye Brooke" he replied before the door was shut, and it was just him and Tammie.

* * *

Please review guys, just tell me what you think xxx


	13. Shopping And Preparations

**Author- **Emily-Grace Mendes (Brookebynature)

**Disclaimer- **I only own Tammie. Damn it. All those good characters I could have created and I've made this loser. My creative writing skills suck.

**A/N- **Quite a quick chapter update from me I think...perhaps this deserves extra reviews? Thanks for all of those reviews you left me last chapter,I love them all, and they're getting longer too! (cough **Chebelle** cough) Hmm, so when I was writing ths chapter, I had no idea of what was going to happen, which should hopefully provide an excuse for the randomness. Enjoy xxx

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* * *

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**Life Is What You Make It**

Chapter 13- Shopping And Preparations

Brooke quickly got up off the bed and pulled her sweater over the top of her bra, grabbing her black panties off the floor as her latest client laid on the bed running a rough hand through his hair.

Okay, so she'd told herself that she wasn't going to do that again, that she wasn't going to sell herself, her body, her dignity. But she had, and it hurt. But it was for a reason. She needed the money, as in, _really _needed the money. First off, there was the flight to Tree Hill. She'd need money to stay there, after all, she couldn't rely on staying at anyone's house, not after a five year absence. Then there were the gifts she needed to buy for everyone. A new baby card for Nathan and Haley, a bouquet of flowers, something for the baby. Not to mention money for anything else that she might need.

"Leaving so soon?" The guys asked her, wiping a few beads of sweat from his forehead. Brooke silently nodded, taking the wad of cash from the bedside table at the same time as slipping her shoes on.

There were no more words spoken, only an inaudible mutter as Brooke shut the door, and that was it. 'the last time' Brooke told herself.

* * *

"Lucas I need to shop" Brooke chirped into the phone, only to be met by an 'it's Tammie' at the other end of the line.

"Oh. Is Lucas there?" she asked, yet again adjusting the photo on the chest of drawers. It had become a recent habit, whenever she could, Brooke would touch the photo, tilting it until she was sure that it was lined up perfectly.

"He's in the shower." Tammie told Brooke. She felt a small smile playing across her lips at the thought of the broody blonde naked.

"could you ask him to ring me back?"

"sure" Tammie muttered, non too enthusiastically. 'why wouldn't Lucas just break up with her?' Brooke thought 'he must really be able to overlook the whole annoying thing.'

"okay bye" Brooke replied bluntly. Well if Tammie wasn't going to make any effort, then neither was Brooke. After all, she hadn't done anything wrong.

* * *

A few hours had passed and Lucas still hadn't rung. An increasingly annoyed Brooke finally gave up on waiting, and instead grabbed her purse and left the apartment, deciding to head to the coffee shop where her and Lucas had gone the other day. Ever since that meeting, Brooke had had an insatiable caving for lattes, and the packet ones she had bought from the grocery store just weren't cutting it.

It amused her, how looking at the architecture of the buildings she passed almost daily allowed her to forget the things that were on her mind. She would get lost in the beauty of the stonework, amazed at how someone could have had so much patience to complete such magnificent designs. It was because of Lucas that she had noticed this. Most things led back to him. Like these lattes she was craving. Like the coffee house she was heading towards, and like the life she wanted for herself.

Entering the coffee house, Brooke failed no notice the blonde blue-eyed boy that occupied the seat she had the other day. She also failed to notice wet floor sign in front of her, causing Brooke to slip and fall, very ungracefully.

'crap' she muttered to herself as she stood up, smoothing down the slightly baggy pair of jeans that she loved to wear for comfort. Upon hearing quiet laughing, Brooke turned around, ready to make some sarcastic comment to the loser, but stopped abruptly when she saw Lucas placing his mug down on the table in front of him. He got up and made his way to the coffee counter, not saying a word to Brooke, but ordered a caramel mocha and paid the waitress, giving her a small smile.

"Thanks for laughing" Brooke muttered as he turned to face her.

"Thanks for giving me something to laugh at."

Brooke made her way over to the couch, figuring that she might as well stay and grill Lucas as to why he hadn't rung her while sipping that latte she meant to buy. Lucas followed her, still not saying anything, but watching her every move.

"So is there a reason why you haven't called me back, or was coffee more important?" Brooke asked fairly coldly, but quickly added "And I like your jacket"

Lucas looked at Brooke and laughed. "What do you mean called you back?" he asked "and thanks by the way."

"Well I called you earlier and Tammie said you were in the shower and would call back."

"What?" Lucas asked I confusion. "I never got that message."

"Well that's too bad because if you had, you would have known that I needed to shop. And you would have had a chance to make up an excuse. But now that you're here in person I can correctly assume that you have nothing to do, so you can accompany me on a mission."

"And this is a shopping mission am I right in saying?" Lucas smiled. He really didn't mind going shopping with Brooke, at least it involved spending time with her.

Brooke nodded with a dimpled smile. "But before we do so, I feel the need for a latte."

"Too bad" Lucas told her "I ordered you a caramel mocha"

"Why?"

"Because that's what I'm drinking"

Right on cue, the waitress brought over Brooke's drink and flashed a smile in Lucas' direction.

"She has the hotts for you" Brooke giggled as she stared at her drink in confusion.

"The hotts? It sounds like we're back in junior high."

Brooke waved it away with a 'whatever' before concentrating back on her drink. "So why would you order me a caramel mocha just because you're having one? I wanted a latte."

"You wanted a hot chocolate the other day and you ended up drinking most of my latte." Lucas replied "So I figured the same would only happen again."

Brooke thought for a second, but couldn't muster a witty remark, and instead settled closer into the couch, making sure that she could feel Lucas next to her. His arm touching hers lightly was enough to send those shivers down her spine again. Lucas smiled as he felt her shift her body slightly closer as she sipped on the hot drink.

"It's good" she told him with a smile and a nod.

"I know"

* * *

"So where are we heading?" Lucas asked as Brooke pulled her jacket tighter across her frail chest.

"I don't really know" she admitted with a small laugh, "but somewhere where they sell super cute baby clothes and toys, then somewhere where I can get cards, and then we need to go to a florist. Oh, and I suppose somewhere with a computer so I can book my flight"

Lucas stared blankly at Brooke for a few seconds before chuckling lightly. "okay, well it looks like this is going to be a long mission, but I have the last part covered."

"No Lucas" Brooke shook her head.

"What?"

"you can't pay for my flight, you've paid for enough of my drinks already."

"Don't be silly" he replied as he pointed towards the end of the block "besides it's like you said, that book I wrote made me a decent amount of money."

Brooke hit him lightly as he pulled her to him, wrapping an arm loosely around her shoulders. Brooke winced as his hand touched the bruise on her shoulder, which didn't seem to be healing as fast as the others had.

Lucas peeled back her jacket despite Brooke's protests, and squinted when he saw the large purple and green mark staring back at him.

"You should go to the doctors. Get that checked out" he told her.

"I only hit it against the corner of the wardrobe" Brooke lied.

"I thought you said you fell in the shower."

Brooke's heart started to beat faster as she thought of yet another lie to cover with. "yeah, well I hit it again against the wardrobe."

Lucas nodded, not believing Brooke for a second, but he didn't want to probe. Whatever had happened, she obviously didn't want to tell him about it, so he wasn't going to force her. Instead, he placed his arm back around her, extra lightly this time, as he brushed his thumb over the top of her jacket.

Brooke felt the tears prick in her eyes as Lucas caressed the bruise softly, making her feel even more guilty for lying. She knew he didn't believe her, but she silently thanked him for not pressing her for an explanation. The last thing she wanted was for things to be awkward between them, especially now that they were going to Tree Hill together in two days.

* * *

"What about this?" Lucas asked, holding up a blue jumpsuit. Brooke shook her head.

"It's not cute enough"

"How about I just sit over there and let you decide then?" Lucas chuckled as he watched Brooke screw her nose up at certain items.

"I think we need to go to a different store." Brooke told him.

"Why? Baby clothes are all the same. Just pick something."

"Lucas Eugene Scott!" Brooke shrieked. "I have to get a super cute present, and not only that, do you want your nephew to be wearing crappy tracksuits that we all know Nathan would pick out?"

Lucas shook his head, still laughing "I'm sure Haley can pick Daniel what you term 'cute outfits.'"

"No offence to Haley, but the girl is obsessed by weird hats. I dread to think what the poor little guy is wearing right now."

Lucas looked at Brooke standing there with various different outfits in her hands with a hint of jealousy. _He _wanted to be the one to be buying these clothes, _with _Brooke. He wanted to be the father of _her _children, and he'd known that since senior year in high school. What the hell was he doing still dragging this thing out with Tammie. It was obvious he didn't love her, and now with the arrival of Brooke, things were even more clear. He wanted Brooke and only Brooke.

"Maybe I could just get him some porn or something." Brooke's suggestion was met by stares from other shoppers and one from Lucas.

"Porn?"

"Yeah well, when he's older it will be beneficial. It could teach him a lot about life you know, education and all that crap."

"Brooke he's a baby! Besides, I don't think Haley would love the idea of her little boy watching porn."

Brooke shrugged "But he would see me as the fun aunt who he could go to about this kind of stuff. I can't imagine Haley giving him 'the talk'"

Lucas laughed and pointed to a blue tank top and jeans set. "What about that? That kind of incorporates Nathan and Haley's style."

"It's perfect!" Brooke squealed, grabbing the outfit from the rail.

"So you can get that over porn?"

"I suppose, but his thirteenth birthday might be a different story."

Lucas watched as Brooke handed the clothes to the sales assistant and pulled out a big wad of notes. Frowning, he wondered where the money had come from. After all, Brooke was always saying she had no money. He waved it away as payday from the restaurant, not wanting to be nosy and ask anything more about it.

* * *

"So now we need flowers, and cards." Brooke announced as her and Lucas walked along the street.

"You sure you don't want anything to eat?" Lucas asked, surveying Brooke's skinny form. She shook her head.

"I'm good thanks, unless you want something?"

Lucas contemplated saying no, he really wasn't hungry, but he couldn't help but feel that Brooke had an issue with food. He saw her drink, both alcoholic and non alcoholic, but he'd never seen her eat.

"Actually I'm kinda hungry" he told her, spying some kind of restaurant further down the street.

Brooke nodded and continued to walk beside Lucas, their hands brushing from time to time.

"I'll just have a latte" Brooke told Lucas as she put down the menu. "I'm really not hungry."

"C'mon Brooke you've got to eat."

"I've already eaten" she lied "Just before I went to the coffee house." She wasn't sure why it was that food never appealed to her any more, but she had chosen not to acknowledge it as a problem, and focused on other things instead.

"What are you having?" Brooke changed the subject quickly. But Lucas had no idea of what he was having. He hadn't come in here for himself and he certainly could eat what seemed to be coming from the kitchen. The portions were huge, and as much as Lucas enjoyed food, somehow a mountain of onion rings on a steak sandwich weren't that appealing.

"I think I'll jut have some fries." he said, hoping that Brooke would take a few from the bowl.

* * *

Feeling a sense of defeat as he left the restaurant, Lucas turned to Brooke. "So which card shop were you thinking? There's one on the next block."

Brooke nodded "That'll be fine."

He frowned at her appearance, wondering how long she hadn't been eating for. Brooke hadn't so much as taken a bite of a fry from Lucas' bowl, and now his concern was growing. Still, he said nothing as they continued to walk along the street, her pointing out 'pretty' buildings much to Lucas' amusement.

"So is Tammie coming with us to?" Brooke asked as they walked back to Lucas' apartment building. He shook his head.

"She's working."

"Lucas….." Brooke trailed off, not knowing whether she should continue, but when he looked at her with those crystal blue eyes, she couldn't help but ask. "why are you still with Tammie?"

"What do you mean?"

"it's obvious you're having problems, it's obvious that you don't love her."

Lucas stopped walking. Was this his cue to tell Brooke how much he loved her and wanted to be with her? Probably. Was he going to do anything about it? Probably not.

"I just……" he didn't really know what to say. She was right, he didn't love her, but he was a coward. He knew Tammie really liked him, and as much as he still loved Brooke, hurting Tammie was definitely not on his agenda.

Brooke took this as a difficult area, and decided not to press the issue further. "Oh my God!" she shrieked "Cotton candy!"

Lucas chuckled as she almost ran across the road, pulling him with her. "I haven't had this since I was a kid" Lucas told her.

"me either. We've gotta have some."

Lucas didn't want to argue. As much as the smell now made him feel sick, he was happy that Brooke wanted to eat something, and so bought them two sticks covered in the sugary pink fluff, taking great delight in watching Brooke lick it off from around her lips as the wind blew it onto her face.

Watching her smile and laugh, Lucas was now even more sure that he loved Brooke and not Tammie. He needed help with this one.

* * *

Up next: Tree Hill sees two visitors. yay!

Please review guys xxx


	14. Returning Home

**Author- **Emily-Grace Mendes (Brookebynature)

**Disclaimer- **I own none of the characters featured in this chapter. i guess you could say I own the cab driver, but he doesn't have a name anyway...Oh! And I definately don't own Britney Spears. So don't sue me.

**A/N- **Well, a very very big thank you for the sweet reviews you guys have left me, I really do love reading them. This chapter is quite short, because if I had kept going,I don't even know where it would have ended. probabaly 10 pages later, so I'll give you this to read, and then the good bit starts. yay!

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Life Is What You Make It

Chapter 14- Returning Home

"You've definitely got your passport right?"

"Jeez Luke I just showed you it like ten seconds ago!" Brooke replied, waving the small booklet in front of his face.

"Very funny" he laughed nervously "now put it back in your bag and make sure it's zipped up."

"Have you always been this paranoid when it comes to flying?" Brooke giggled, finding Lucas' current state amusing.

"I hate it." Lucas placed his hand on her leg, not allowing himself to get absorbed in his feelings for her. But when she put her hand delicately on top of his, he couldn't help but turn to face her, enjoying the smile that was playing along her lips.

"Well we could do something to take your mind off it." she suggested, wondering whether kissing him might just work. 'of course it would' she thought, but going to Tree Hill as a sort-of couple wouldn't help matters. In fact, it would confuse things that much more. So after deciding against the kissing thing, Brooke's next silent suggestion was the store.

"We could go stock up on magazines and candy" Brooke told him, pointing to the brightly lit store. Lucas nodded, a nervous expression still on his face.

"C'mon lighten up" she joked, poking him with her index finger and smiling. He couldn't help but smile when he saw those dimples emerge.

"magazines it is"

* * *

"Oh my God, Britney Spears is pregnant again!" Lucas exclaimed, lifting his head from out of the magazine just long enough to see Brooke with a stack of her own in one hand, two bottles of diet coke in the other. 

"Well done genius" she giggled "the rest of America has known that for weeks."

"well nobody told me" Lucas muttered, going back to reading the article. Brooke smiled, at least it had taken his mind off of the imminent flight.

* * *

"last call for flight 47 to Tree Hill" the voice boomed over the speakers, causing a very jittery Lucas to practically pull Brooke off her seat. 

"we're not going to miss the flight" she laughed, placing her bag over her unbruised shoulder.

"it just said last call" Lucas hissed, handing the ticket inspector his ticket.

"That's just to panic people like you" Brooke giggled, snatching her ticket from Lucas' hand after he had refused to let her look after it herself for fear that she might misplace or loose it.

"I'm not panicking" Lucas replied indignantly, feeling for the ticket stubs that he had just put in his pocket.

"Whatever you say"

* * *

"I hate that God damn turbulence" Lucas muttered, his shaky hand pushing the trolley to the cab rank. 

"that was an eventful flight" Brooke added, thinking back to how Lucas had been practically hugging her the entire way. Not that she minded.

"Karen's Café, Tree Hill please" Lucas told the cab driver, opening the door to let Brooke get in first.

"Why thank you kind sir" she giggled and sat in, smoothing her hand along the tight leather seats.

"So I figured we'd go see my Mom first" Lucas told Brooke "then Nate and Haley."

"So I've got to keep carrying these flowers?" Brooke whined, waving the brightly coloured bunch of freesias in Lucas' face.

"I knew it was a bad idea to get them back in New York" he said. "But you wouldn't listen."

"yeah well these are really pretty."

"Doesn't Tree Hill have pretty flowers or something?"

"sarcasm's not helping right now Lucas."

"You nervous?" he asked, watching her face.

Brooke nodded. "I'm scared they'll hate me for leaving all those years ago."

Lucas reached out and placed his hand on top of hers, giving it a small squeeze. Brooke turned to face him and smiled.

"Besides" he started "you've brought enough gifts so they'll have to at least talk to you for a bit"

She smacked him lightly on his chest, but moved a bit closer, savouring the scent of his cologne as she rested her head on his shoulder. Lucas smiled and moved his arm around her so that she was more comfortable, stroking her hair as she shut her eyes.

"I wish it could just stay like this" she said softly, not realising Lucas had heard her.

"me too" he whispered into her hair as he kissed the top of her forehead. He'd managed to control himself now, allowing his lips to linger only a few seconds on her head before he withdrew them, making sure not to cause any uneasiness between them.

* * *

"Karen's café, Tree Hill" the cab driver announced as he pulled up alongside the familiar building. 

"well pretty girl" Lucas started, noticing the wide dimpled smile appear on Brooke's face. He'd waited five years to call her that again, and it hadn't lost any of it's appeal. Brooke nodded, glancing up at the building she'd felt so at home in so many times before. "Here goes."

* * *

Please review.I guess shortchapters equal short reviews. (prove me wrong...haha) xxx 


	15. Well That's Different

**Author- **Emily-Grace Mendes (Brookebynature)

**Disclaimer- **I own none of the characters featured in this post blah blah... although I guess I own Daniel.

**A/N- **So, sorry that last chapter was pretty short, but hopefully this will make up for it. I really enjoyed writing this one, but the next one probably won't be up for a while since I have exams that i really should start revising for.

On the plus side, i was sat day dreaming today, and an excelente idea for a new fic just appeared in my head 9whoch doesn't happen very often I can assure you.) So when I'm done with this one, (which won't be for a while yet, don't worry) I should have something else for you loverly reviewers to review. HINT HINT lol.

Hope you enjoy this, sorry for the constant rambling.

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**Life Is What You Make It**

Chapter 15- Well That's Different

The door of the café opened slowly, the bell ringing as it was wide enough for someone to fit through. A tired-looking Karen lifted her head from the recipe book it had been previously buried in, to see the son she'd missed for five years. He hadn't had that kind of smile across his face since before Brooke had left.

"Lucas!" she ran over to him, pulling him into a hug before he had chance to resist.

"Mom" Lucas pulled back, and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I brought someone to see you"

Pulling his hand from behind his back, Karen noticed that it was attached to another, more delicate feminine hand, a hand that she recognised. As Brooke stepped out from behind Lucas, Karen's smile grew even wider.

"Brooke!" She laughed as Karen almost knocked her over with the force of her hug, kissing her on the cheek as she looked between Lucas and Brooke.

"You never told me she was coming. You never told me that you found her." Karen said, hugging her son for another time. Brooke frowned. What did Karen mean by 'you never told me that you found her?'

"It was kind of a last minute thing." Lucas said as he smiled at Brooke, releasing her hand from his grip.

"let me get you two something to eat and drink. Brooke sweetie, what do you want?"

Brooke looked at Karen with a smile. It never ceased to amaze her how much she loved the woman as if she were her own mom.

"I'll just have a latte please" Brooke replied, making her way over to the counter to help Karen.

"Don't be silly sweetie. I'll do it, besides, you must be really tired."

Brooke shook her head. "I'm fine really. And I like to help."

* * *

Lucas watched as the two women he loved more than anything made drinks for themselves, and for him, smiling when he saw Karen put two scoops of chocolate ice cream with strawberry sauce in a dish, accompanied by rainbow sprinkles and two spoons. It had always been Brooke's favourite desert, and he liked nothing more than to share it with her, letting her have most of the sauce. 

As the last two customers left the café, Karen made her way to the door, changing the sign from 'open' to 'closed'

"So you were hiding out in New York?" Karen asked Brooke, a hint of sadness in her voice. It had broken her heart to see her son miss the only girl he had ever loved, without receiving so much as a phone call or letter.

"She wasn't hiding Mom" Lucas interjected quickly, shooting Karen a glare while Brooke wasn't looking.

"No she's right" Brooke told him. "I was hiding I suppose."

"but she's here now." Lucas said. Brooke was apprehensive enough about returning to Tree Hill without Karen making things even worse.

"Right." Karen agreed "And that's all that matters. I'm so glad you're back Brooke."

She hugged the brunette another time, making both Brooke and Lucas laugh.

* * *

"I love the fact that this place hasn't changed." Brooke said, digging her spoon into the ice cream which was covered in sauce and sprinkles. "It's still comfy and homely." 

"Well it lost some of it's homeliness when you guys all went off to college." Karen told them. "So I started to spend less time here and now I only work the odd day a week."

"I'm just going to use the bathroom." Lucas announced. Brooke watched him walk away, smiling to herself, glad that she'd agreed to come with him.

"So you and Lucas. Together" Karen said, smiling.

"Oh no, it's not like that" Brooke replied quickly. "Were not together, he has a girlfriend."

"oh" was Karen's confused reply. If Lucas had a girlfriend, why would he bring Brooke instead of her? Not that Karen minded. She'd always loved Brooke, knowing that she was the only one who could make her son truly happy.

"So what about you?" Karen asked "is there anyone special in your life?"

"No, not really." Brooke replied. _Lie. Lucas was special, and he was in her life. Just not the way she wanted. _

"I'm sure you'll find someone" Karen said. There was obviously still something between Lucas and Brooke, everyone could see that. The way they looked at each other, the fact that he'd brought her home instead of his girlfriend, whoever she was. Brooke nodded somewhat sadly, but cheered up when she saw Lucas emerge from the bathroom.

* * *

"Hope you guys didn't talk about me too much when I was gone" he laughed, placing a hand on Brooke's knee, which certainly didn't go unnoticed by Karen. But she decided against asking him about his girlfriend in front of Brooke, knowing that there would be some time later on when they could catch up. 

"Only a little" Brooke smiled, sipping on her drink.

"So are you going to see little Daniel?" Karen asked as Brooke put down her spoon after licking the last of the sauce from it.

"Yeah after we're done here." Lucas told her. "That's what the flowers are for."

"I was wondering" Karen laughed at the bunch of flowers Brooke had set on the counter which now looked a little worse for wear.

"Brooke wouldn't listen, and insisted we had to get them in New York" Lucas told her.

"Hey! Those freesias are really pretty."

"I agree with Brooke" Karen said "I've not seen those type of flowers that nice around here."

"See?" Brooke said, turning to face Lucas "Told you"

Karen watched as her son stole glances at the girl she was positive he loved, smiling when Brooke did the same. Those two never got their act together quickly enough. Occasionally, Karen would see Lucas putting his hand on Brooke's leg as he talked to her, or vice versa. Whatever their relationship status was, Karen was positive it was a tricky subject, and left all talk of it out of their conversation.

* * *

"Maybe we should head over to Nate and Haley's" Lucas suggested after an hour or so at the café. It wasn't that he didn't want to spend time with his mom, but he was sure that it wouldn't take her long to ask probing and personal questions, so it was best to get out of there before she started. 

"We'll come back here tomorrow though right?" Brooke asked. She wanted to spend some more time with Karen, maybe she could shed some light on why the café didn't seem to mean as much to her any more. Besides, the woman meant more to her than her own mom, and she at least owed an explanation as to where she had been for the last five years. It might be a lie, but at least she would be giving a reason for her absence.

"Sure we will." Lucas replied with a smile.

"Birthday dinner at my house." Karen announced. "I'll cook."

"Great. Thanks Mom"

Lucas reached over to hug Karen one last time before they left the café, leaving her to think of questions to ask him about this girlfriend of his.

* * *

"I'll warn you now" Lucas said as he and Brooke walked a few blocks to Nathan and Haley's house. "Dan will probably be there, and he's nice." 

Brooke frowned "Dan Scott, nice?"

"I know, it's weird, but he's really changed."

"God." Brooke muttered as Lucas pointed towards the house. "They upgraded."

Lucas laughed at the girl standing beside him who was staring in awe at the beautiful house in front of them. It wasn't huge, but it certainly was a nice house to say the least. With it being warmer weather, the flowers had started to bloom, and the picket fence made it look like a scene from a movie.

"I'd have expected nothing less from Tutor girl. Wife. Mommy I guess now huh?" she chuckled lightly, making her way behind Lucas up the driveway.

As they had done in Karen's café, Brooke stood behind Lucas, her holding onto his hand for dear life, him rubbing it with his thumb. Lucas stood back slightly as he rung the doorbell, praying that Haley and Nathan would be happy to see Brooke.

"Hey Luke!" Haley handed the baby in her arms to Nathan, who had followed her to the door. Reaching out to hug him, Lucas brought his hand out from behind his back.

"I brought someone."

"Oh" Haley replied in confusion.

"Hey tutor mommy" Brooke gave a shy wave, but a huge smile broke out across her face when Haley ran forward hugging her and shrieking.

"Tigger! I haven't seen you in…"

"Five years" Nathan finished, waiting for Haley to stop hugging Brooke so that he could hand her Daniel in order to hug the brunette. "missed you Brooke" he said truthfully, grinning at Lucas who was leaning against the door frame.

"How's my favourite nephew?" he asked, taking Daniel from Haley's arms and kissing him on his head.

"He's good aren't ya dude?" Nathan said "He's got hair now."

Lucas laughed as he looked at the baby in his arms. He'd never really noticed before how much Daniel looked like Nathan. He had the same eyes and lips, now the same hair colour, and no doubt when he was old enough, would have the same basketball skills.

"I want a hold" Brooke announced, taking the baby from Lucas. Daniel giggled as Brooke swung him round before blowing a raspberry on his tummy, generating looks of admiration from Lucas, and a look of sympathy from Haley. She knew how much Lucas wanted to have a family with Brooke, a house together, a good life. All of the things that her and Nathan had.

"Come on" Haley said, leading Brooke inside, who was still holding on to Daniel, making him laugh by pulling silly faces. "I want to know everything about where you've been and what you've been doing."

* * *

"How you been man?" Nathan asked Lucas as he handed him a cool beer from the fridge. "You gonna tell me how you found her?" 

Lucas shrugged, letting the liquid wash down his throat. "I kinda gave up looking for her after a month, but then I bumped into her when I was moving my stuff into my apartment."

"Woah she lives in the same building as you?"

"nah" Lucas replied "She was walking along the street and I bumped into her."

"My God it's like a movie" Nathan laughed, punching Lucas lightly on his arm. "no seriously man, I'm really happy for you guys. How long have you been together?"

"We're not" Lucas told Nathan simply.

"I can't believe you're still using that line."

"What do you mean?" Lucas laughed.

"You used that all the time through the first semester at college."

"I didn't!" Lucas exclaimed

I used to wake up on a morning and you wouldn't be there, and then I'd see you in class looking like crap, and you'd say: _"Just had a late night studying and stuff." _And then I'd be like: _"you mean you and Brooke were having sex so you had to pull an all-nighter to get your assignment in on time."_ I would always say, _"can't your couple stuff not coincide with class?" _and you'd always reply with _"we're not a couple."_

"Now you're still using that line"

"Still using what line?" Brooke asked as she walked into the kitchen, still with Daniel in her arms.

"How he can't play a little two on two at the river court because he gets tired."

"Aww Broody, maybe Nathan's just scared you might beat him."

"Not with you on his team he won't."

"What? I never said I was playing! Lucas never said he was playing. I'm out of this conversation." Brooke took the bottle from the fridge and proceeded back into the living room to talk to Haley.

"Nice cover man" Lucas said uneasily, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I know" Nathan smiled. "I don't think I've ever thought that fast before."

"Thing is, I quite like the sound of a little two on two." Lucas grinned.

"Me too, and Haley looks so hot when she's playing."

"Eww Nathan, she's my best friend, I really don't want to think of her like that."

Nathan laughed "Yeah well, you'll have to try and not get too turned on by Brooke if we play. You know, since you're 'not together' and all that crap you're telling me and yourself."

"Easy."

* * *

It wasn't easy. Standing behind Brooke with his body pressed against hers, showing her how to shoot free throws, was definitely turning him on, and since Nathan and Haley were busy making out at the other end of the court having dropped Daniel off at Dan's, Lucas had nobody else to talk to but Brooke. And she didn't want to talk. She wanted to learn about basketball, and Lucas wasn't sure how much more of her chewing her bottom lip in that sexy way she always did, he could take. 

"Right, now that I can sort-of score a goal, we can play." Brooke announced.

"Brooke it's not called scoring a goal, it's called making a shot." Lucas told her gently, throwing her the ball.

"Whatever. Lets play."

The game resulted in Lucas and Brooke winning, but as Nathan said, only because Haley kept attacking him with her lips. And he could hardly resist now could he? Still, Brooke was convinced that she would make a good basketball player, especially if she could beat Nathan. Lucas had pointed out that in real basket ball games, Brooke wouldn't get extra points for effort and gracefulness, even if she didn't complain when chipping her nail polish. But Brooke being Brooke, nobody could tell her that she couldn't play basket ball if she wanted to. Shame she didn't feel that way about her 'real job.' Still, she had promised herself that she was done with prostitution now, that she was better than that.

"We can go pick Daniel up and then you guys can come over for dinner." Haley said, leaning in to Nathan so that he could wrap his arm around her and give her a kiss.

"Thanks Hales, but I was just thinking that we could go pick out suitcases up from my mom's café and then head to my house."

"Fair enough" Haley replied, shrugging her shoulders. "We can catch up more tomorrow anyway. I could do with going shopping and I was hoping Brooke would come with me."

"Of course! Ooh now I'm excited" Brooke giggled. Haley hugged Brooke and whispered in her ear "we need a girly chat." which was met by a nod and a smile from Brooke.

"K, well see you tomorrow guys." Lucas said as he and Brooke walked away, heading towards the café again.

* * *

"Now I figured you'd made a lot from this book of yours, which I will have to read by the way" Brooke said as she gazed around Lucas' house, admiring the perfects view of the beach through the glass front. "But I didn't know you'd made this much money." 

Lucas laughed and watched as, like she had done in his apartment, Brooke looked through all of the cupboards in the kitchen.

"But I think you have a problem."

"And what's that?" Lucas mused, replicating the scene from his apartment as he leant in the doorway.

"everything is plain and white."

"I thought you said it was a blank canvas which, if I remember correctly, you said was the best kind."

"I did say that." Brooke agreed. "But that was about an apartment you just moved into. How long have you lived here?"

"About a year."

"So in a year, you could have painted" Brooke made her way over to the couch, attempting to slouch in comfort "And bought a comfy couch."

"Well maybe you'll just have to help me decorate then."

Brooke's expression turned from one of happy, to serious. "I think your girlfriend should do that, not me."

Lucas looked down at the floor, not sure off what to say next. He'd gone and ruined all of their hard work of creating a comfortable friendship with one sentence. Brooke noticed Lucas staring at the ground and decided not to let the thought of Tammie get in the way of her enjoying herself.

"Come on broody, I want to see the rest of this house."

Lucas grinned and led her up the twisting staircase to show her the upstairs.

* * *

"Wow, big pimpin'" she laughed at the satin sheets on the guest bed. 

"Nathan" he replied simply, remembering back to when she had brought them over.

"_satin sheets Nate?"_

"_It's flashy"_

"_More like trashy."_

"_Hey! They'd go perfectly in that guest bedroom overlooking the ocean. Just try it. Besides, Hales wouldn't let me have them in our house."_

"_Okay, but if my mom thinks I'm into kinky stuff, I'm blaming you."_

"_whatever."_

"Say no more" Brooke laughed, making her way to the next room.

* * *

"Lucas I can't sleep" Brooke whispered softly, standing in the doorway of his bedroom. He'd offered to give her his bed, telling her that he would sleep in one of the guest rooms, bur Brooke had refused. He'd done enough all ready without her depriving him of his own bed. 

"Me neither" he replied, sitting up to see her with a robe wrapped tightly around her body, rubbing her hands up and down her arms. He pulled back the sheets, receiving a raised eyebrow from Brooke when she saw his sleeping attire: nothing but tight boxers.

"Sorry" he said sheepishly, making his way to the chest of drawers where he pulled out a pair of jogging pants and a white t-shirt. Brooke turned away as he put the clothes on, though she had no idea why. A small smile crossed her face as she remembered the many times when she had seen him in less than just boxers.

Lucas pulled back the large glass sliding door which led to a decked area with a comfy-looking couch. Brooke sat down, tucking her legs underneath her body to stop her from feeling the cold as much, but the breeze made her teeth chatter, giving it away.

"Hang on"

Brooke smiled as he brought out a throw which looked very different to the rest of the furniture and accessories belonging in the house.

"My mom made it as a home-warming gift" Lucas laughed, draping the quilt over Brooke before sitting down himself.

"It's certainly homely" Brooke giggled at the patchwork and large stitching. It was definitely Karen.

"Yeah well I keep it in a cupboard." he told her, moving so that he was both closer to Brooke, and had more of the cover to keep him warm.

"Kinda contradicts the whole pimp image you have going with the satin sheets"

"I told you that was Nathan's doing!"

"Yeah, yeah" Brooke giggled, moving a stray strand of brunette hair from out of her eyes.

"You okay with going shopping with Haley tomorrow? I don't want to leave you if you're gonna be uncomfortable."

She was lost for words. How could someone she'd left without warning be so thoughtful and loving towards her?

"Brooke?" he asked again.

"Oh…um yeah I'll be fine thanks Luke."

"Okay" he smiled, reaching out a hand to stroke her soft hair. She just wanted to get lost in that moment, to never think about anything else other than her and Lucas, to have him hold her and kiss her and tell her everything was going to be alright.

But he didn't. Instead, he thought about how he was sure there was something she was hiding from him, the sight of the large purple bruise on her arm frightening him more and more as it replayed in his mind. Nobody got bruises like that from falling in the shower, or hitting their shoulder against a wardrobe. The more he thought about it, the more things made sense. He'd never known her working at this restaurant she said she did. Brooke hadn't provided its name or location, and she never seemed to be working there.

He hated not knowing. He hated the fact that she didn't trust him enough to tell him what was going on, and he hated the way that he still loved her more than anything, because that made it so much harder. Tammie was next on his list. He knew it couldn't continue, that he could never grow to love her, especially now that Brooke was back in his life. It wasn't fair on any of them to keep the saga running any longer, and he knew that Tammie suspected there was something going on between him and Brooke. There wasn't, but Lucas wasn't sure how much longer he couldn't refrain from kissing her. He needed to consult Nathan on this one.

And that's how they spend their first night back in Tree Hill. Contemplating their relationship as they relaxed in each other's arms, her taking in the beauty of the town she'd missed for the last five years, him taking in the beauty of the girl he'd missed for the last five years.

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Please review guys, xxx 


	16. Time That Passed & Came Back To Show Us

**Author- **Emily-Grace Mendes (Brookebynature)

**Disclaimer- **I only own Tammie. Damn her.

**A/N-**Sorry I haven't updated in a while, but I have been busy with exams. I'll probably have to resit one, but nevermind, i'll sort that out if and whenit happens. Hmm...so thank you very much for the reviews. i dodn't get as many that chapter, so maybe you could make it up to be by lots of super long reviews this chapter? Please?

Anyway, enough of that, I think you may like this chapter...I'll say no more...

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**Life Is What You Make It**

Chapter 16- Times That Past And Came Back To Show Us

He'd woken up to find himself with his arms still wrapped around her, the cool breeze blowing her hair onto his neck, tickling it and leaving a tingling feeling in its wake. She'd not woken, at least, not as far as he knew, but deciding that it was best to continue sleeping inside where they couldn't catch a death of pneumonia from the night air, Lucas had carried her sleeping form to his bedroom, laying her tiny body on the bed with extra care.

He'd watched her for a moment. No, that was a lie, he'd watched her for a few hours, staring at the bruise on her shoulder, contemplating who had given it to her, and more importantly, why.

His eyes barely left her body, even for a second, because he couldn't bare to be apart from her. Knowing that coming back to Tree Hill would have a huge effect on him, Lucas had been somewhat sceptical of returning, especially with Brooke. But knowing that Haley and Nathan didn't blame her for leaving, and the atmosphere was anything other then hostile, he was glad they had returned, be it only for a few days.

Lucas' thoughts soon turned to Tammie, and the way he was going to break up with her. Watching Brooke laying there in front of him, he couldn't even begin to imagine loving anyone else as much as he loved her. Unable to stand looking at the bruise any longer, Lucas tucked the comforter under Brooke's chin, smoothing it down around her body so that there were no gaps of cold air reaching her.

A simple dimpled smile in her sleep left Lucas with a large grin on his face, wondering what she was dreaming about, whether it was shopping, partying, or maybe, just maybe, she might be dreaming about him.

* * *

"Lucas?" she asked in confusion, wondering why it was that his arms weren't wrapped around her, and also, why she was lying in a bed, _his bed_, with him staring down at her with a large smile on his face.

"Morning Brooke" he whispered, sitting on the edge of the bed, being careful not to sit on her. "I thought we might catch our deaths if we continued sleeping out there." he gave a little laugh and she scooted over, making room for him to lay down.

"Thanks" she replied gratefully, in love with the way he took care of her.

"It's no problem, besides, I didn't want to wake you, and you're hardly the heaviest person to carry."

"I'll take that as a compliment" she giggled softly, her voice still hoarse and showing tiredness.

He smiled and nodded, tracing patterns along the comforter with his index finger, capturing Brooke's gaze with his own.

"So I'll go and let you get some sleep." he said, starting to get up from the bed when she touched his hand, sending those shivers through his body again.

"Stay here, there's room for the both of us, and besides, it's your bed."

"That it is." he agreed, and laid back down beside her body, his hands resting beside her. She moved her brown hair out of her face, and turned to mirror him, her eyes shutting with tiredness. He watched her again for a few minutes as she slept, before finally shutting his own eyes, hoping that when he opened them again, Brooke would still be laying next to him.

* * *

She wasn't, but he could smell fresh coffee, an indication that her cravings for a latte still hadn't subsided, but nevertheless, telling him that she was still here, and that the previous night hadn't caused any awkward tension between the two.

"Latte?" she asked, with a smile on her face, her white robe wrapped around her body and her hair in a messy bun.

"Sure"

She set his mug in front of him, smiling when she read the writing on it. 'Worlds Greatest Uncle'

"You spend much time with Daniel?" Brooke asked, taking a sip of her own drink.

"I used to, before I relocated" he admitted "But it got kinda hard."

"How?"

"It's going to sound awful, but I was jealous of Nathan and Haley, and of what they had together."

"Their family." Brooke finished, knowingly. Lucas nodded, a guilty smile crossing his face. "You're only twenty three. Ooh, twenty four I guess now. Happy Birthday."

She let her lips linger for a moment on his cheek, only millimetres away from his lips, which seemed to be screaming at her to touch them. She refrained though, opening her eyes to see him standing there with his still shut, opening them after a few seconds.

"thanks" he whispered, letting a breath out that he'd been holding for no apparent reason.

"But I know what you mean about the whole family thing." Brooke told him, making sure that her body was still near him. "I always knew that they'd have kids before we….um…I did."

That was it. Right there and then, Lucas knew that he had to break up with Tammie and tell Brooke how he felt.

"Same here." he agreed. "But it doesn't stop me wanting that kind of a life any less."

"You'd think that at twenty three, and twenty four, we'd have sorted out our lives." Brooke said, contemplating telling him that moment about her life in New York.

"I guess we still need a little more time."

"Yeah, when you think about it, we're not that old, it's just the things that we've gone through…."

"makes us seem older" Lucas finished, smiling at the girl in front of him who was talking so much sense.

"But this isn't very good birthday talk." Brooke chirped, placing her mug on the counter as she bounded up the stairs, disappearing from Lucas' view.

* * *

"I have your gifts" she said, holding out the silver bag which contained five wrapped gifts, and five evenly sized cards.

"What's all this?" Lucas asked in confusion, picking up the cards as Brooke looked on.

"I wrote you a card and wrapped you a gift every year, the day before your birthday." she admitted "I just never got the courage to send them."

"Brooke" he chocked, his fingers tracing the perfectly formed handwriting on the front of the envelopes. "I just…"

Tears were forming as she thought of all the birthdays she'd missed, all of the years that he'd thought maybe, just maybe, he'd receive a card from her, a letter, or a phone call. And he got nothing.

"I'm sorry I never sent them back then." _One tear fell _"And I'm sorry that I never wrote to you." _Another tear _"I'm sorry that I left without telling you where I was going, or what I was doing." _Tears spilling down her cheek _"And I'm sorry I never called, not even to let you know that I was thinking of you."

He moved forward, ready to hold her in his arms and tell her that none of that mattered now, especially since she was here, and had, in fact, shown how she had thought of him every year. But she held up her hand, indicating that she hadn't finished.

"I'm sorry that I'm crying on your birthday and ruining the special moment that we should be having" she laughed back the tears, smiling through clouded vision. "But most of all, I'm sorry about the time we lost."

She let herself fall into his arms, feeling them instantly wrap around her as he rested his chin on her head, smoothing down her hair until he reached the messy bun where it was tied together. "We're not going to get that time back."

He swallowed hard, making sure that he didn't cry too, but whispered to her. "we have the chance to make it up."

She nodded underneath him, nestling her head into his warm chest which provided so much comfort.

"C'mon pretty girl. We have birthday celebrating to do." He kissed the top of Brooke's head and wiped away the tears that were streaking her face.

* * *

"Are you hanging out with Nathan while Haley and I go shopping?" Brooke asked, fresh from a warm shower.

"I guess so. I was going to go see my Mom for a bit, ask her if she needs any help with things tonight."

"Oh" Brooke replied somewhat disappointed.

"Is there something wrong?"

"No it's just, I wanted to go see Karen again too. I thought maybe we could go together."

Lucas smiled "You don't want to be on your own when she starts asking those personal questions she seems so keen on?"

"No!" she hit him lightly, making him fake a pained expression "I like your Mom Lucas, contrary to what you may think."

"I know you do" he laughed, looking at the unopened presents on the counter. "I'll open them tonight, so everyone can see."

Brooke nodded, unwrapping the towel from her head to reveal wavy brown hair, framing her face as it fell down around her shoulders. "I just want to talk to your Mom a bit more."

Had he been dating Brooke right now, Lucas would have made some joke about her liking the future in-laws for now, but she wouldn't in a few months when Karen started picking out names like Beatrice and Henry for their kids. But they weren't dating, so he couldn't make that joke, because things would be too uncomfortable.

"You look Broody." Brooke commented, throwing the towel over one shoulder.

"I was just thinking."

"Well, you have to live up to your name I guess. Okay, so I'm going to get dressed and then I'm good to go."

Lucas watched her walk away, desperate to talk to Nathan about how he could break up with Tammie.

* * *

"I was thinking, a few things for Daniel, and then some hot lingerie for me. Give Nathan a treat." Haley winked at Brooke causing her to laugh.

"Things definitely changed while I was in New York." she giggled.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Haley looked mock offended, but knew what Brooke meant.

"Well before I left, you wouldn't even talk about boobs in front of people, but now you're shouting out how to want to give your husband a treat with hot lingerie." Brooke shouted the last part in a bid to made Haley embarrassed. It worked.

"Brooke! Announce it to the whole mall why don't you?"

"Nice to know I still have my touch" she smiled, linking arms with Haley who was keeping one hand on the stroller.

* * *

"What's the deal man?" Nathan asked as he walked into the kitchen in Lucas' house. "You sounded weird on the phone."

"I have a problem."

"Let me guess. Brooke"

"Why would you assume that?"

Nathan gave Lucas a look, making him look down at the floor and nod. "Yeah. Thought so. So what's up?"

"I have a girlfriend."

Nathan looked taken aback. "Well that didn't come up in our last conversation."

"Nate you're not helping."

"What do you want me to say Luke? Dump her and hook up with Brooke? It's not gonna work out just like that."

"how do you know?"

"Life's not that simple, especially when it comes to you and Brooke. Look at how your relationship was in high school. After you finally got together it was nothing but drama."

"Well that was six years ago. We're older now."

"But clearly none the wiser" Nathan chuckled slightly, grabbing two sodas from the fridge. "Going back to your first point."

"I have a girlfriend." Lucas said again "Tammie."

Nathan curled his nose up. "Sounds like a girl I would have dated in high school. She a hooker?"

"Nathan! I'm not like that."

"Sorry man, I couldn't resist that one. But seriously, what are you doing still with her if you feel this way about Brooke? She know you're here?"

"Yeah and she wasn't too happy about it. She thinks there's something going on between me and Brooke."

"Well there is!"

"No there's not, we're just friends. I said I wouldn't ever cheat on another girl. Not after what happened with Brooke and Peyton."

"But leading Tammie on isn't gonna help anybody. Especially Brooke."

"What do you mean?"

"Well if you're still dating her, Brooke's gonna think that you like Tammie, more than her. You're twenty four, you don't need to play games any more."

"Wow, Haley's really done you some good." Lucas laughed. Nathan shrugged.

"Either that, or being a dad. Seriously Luke, having Daniel was the best thing we ever did."

"And I want that." Lucas admitted "With Brooke."

"Then you know what you have to do."

* * *

Brooke and Haley collapsed onto chairs in a diner, amused that Daniel, who had been sleeping the whole time, was oblivious to the mad rush going on around him, what with Haley buying him clothes left right and centre, and Brooke with a thousand paint swatches from different home decor stores. She had decided that if Lucas wasn't going to take any action with decorating his house, then she would have to start him off, and starting off meant going through every paint option there was, so that she could find just the right colour.

"So you and Lucas" Haley started, sipping on the diet cola she had ordered.

"What about us?"

"How long is it gonna take you to get together? I can see how you look at each other. He still loves you Brooke."

"I don't think so tutor Mommy." she replied, somewhat sadly "He has a girlfriend"

"What?" Haley shrieked

"Tammie. He met her in New York before…"

"He found you" Haley finished, a frown on her face. Brooke also looked confused. Why was everybody saying that he found her? They just bumped into each other. Right?

"Yeah." Brooke said quietly. "So there's nothing going on between us."

"But you want there to be?"

Brooke didn't know how to answer. She did love Lucas, but now, thinking about it, she wasn't sure whether it was just jealousy that was making her want him.

"I just keep thinking about all those things we used to do together you know? Like hanging out at the café, or I'd watch him at the River court. He used to be mine."

"And now?" Haley asked.

Brooke shrugged "And now he's hers."

* * *

"So I should just ring her right?" Lucas asked Nathan, referring to Tammie, and his current 'situation' He wasn't sure why things between him and Brooke were so complicated, why there was always so many obstacles in their way. Maybe they were signs that they shouldn't be together, but Lucas wasn't going to give up that easily. Not now he'd gotten her back in his life. Not now that he loved her more than anything. Those obstacles would be merely just obstacles. They might get in his way, but he'd get passed them if it meant he and Brooke could be together.

"Ring her and tell her the truth" Nathan said. "You love Brooke, and you're sorry."

"Right." Lucas slowly dialled the number "You're sure?"

"I'm sure that you should ring her before anything further happens between your and Brooke."

* * *

"Is Peyton coming tonight?" Broke asked hopefully. She didn't want to make Haley feel like she wasn't good enough, but at the same time, she hadn't seen her best friend in all this time, maybe now she should try and get things back on track. After all, she was in Tree Hill anyway, so it would be rude not to call.

"No" Haley replied "We don't see that much of her now. She has her own life with her boyfriend."

"And her boyfriend's not Jake." Brooke said, a little sadly.

"I thought they would have stayed together. She was so close to him and Jenny. They were a family. Kinda sad if you think about it."

"But if she's happy, it's all good right."

"Sure is." Haley replied. Truth was, she hadn't seen Peyton in months. She hadn't a clue whether she was happy or not, but it was Peyton who stopped wanting to hang out. Haley had done her best to stay in touch, but settled for just seeing her on the odd occasion.

* * *

"There was a lot of shouting." Lucas told Nathan as he opened another beer for them, flopping down on the couch. Since Brooke had pointed out that it wasn't comfy, Lucas was now very aware of this, and was becoming increasingly attached to the couch outside, where they had slept the previous night. Brooke was right: it was the only comfy couch he had.

"I figured" Nathan laughed a little, taking the bottle from Lucas.

"But at least it's done right?"

"Right"

"_I knew this was going to happen. I knew you'd cheat on me with that skank."_

"_I didn't cheat on you, and Brooke's not a skank."_

"_Yeah right."_

"_What do you have against her anyway?"_

"_She thinks she can get anybody. First the guys from the bar we were at one night, then she has sex with my boyfriend, and now you. Ask her what she does for a living Lucas. I'm sure she's not told you that."_

"_I'm not doing this Tammie, we're over. I'm sorry if I hurt you, I had no intention of doing that."_

"_Yeah well you did it all the same."_

"_But I love Brooke. I told you when I first got to New York why I was there. You said you understood."_

"_I did. But I thought things had changed. I thought you really liked me."_

"_I do. But the difference is, I love Brooke."_

"_Well I guess that's a good job then., cos her life's hardly perfect."_

"_I don't want to argue Tammie, I'm just telling you that I think it would be best if we broke up."_

"_Do whatever you want Luke. But if you think that you and Brooke are going to have it good, the think again. And do me a favour."_

"_What do you want."_

"_Find out who she really is."

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Please review guys, lots of love xxx 


	17. Just Want You To Know

**Author- **Emily-Grace Mendes (Brookebynature)

**Disclaimer- **Oooh! I don't have to say thatI own Tammie, because she doesn't appear in this chapter. I finally got rid of her! Go me!

**A/N- **Again, sorry that it has taken a while to get another chapter up, but my parentals have gone away for the week, leaving me to look after my little sister who likes to have my attention. So it's safe to say that I haven't had much time to write, but I kept her occupied with a giant beach ball in the pool today, so I've been able to write this for you guys.

Thank you so much for reviewing, and please keep them coming. Enjoy xxx

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Life Is What You Make It

Chapter 17- Just Want You To Know 

_Find out who she really is. _Those words played over and over again in Lucas' head. What had Tammie meant by that? He of all people knew who Brooke really was. She was sweet and sexy and beautiful and caring and loving all at the same time. Nobody else knew her like he did, and that felt like a privilege. She'd let him in, and now he was the one that could understand, that could make things better if they weren't right.

Nathan had left a while ago, telling Lucas that he had to go home and 'shove a pizza in the oven' as he so bluntly put it. Lucas found it somewhat funny, how Nathan had become so much of a family man, and a damn good one at that. You could see how much he loved Haley and Daniel, and how he enjoyed every moment he spent with them. Watching all of this happen in front of him made Lucas want it even more.

But he had gotten passed the first hurdle: Tammie. The break up hadn't been too bad, and now he had no excuse not to stay a couple extra days in Tree Hill, providing that Brooke's boss would let her have the time off. It hadn't been a problem so far, so he saw no reason why a few more days would harm things.

* * *

"Okay Broody, I know I said your girlfriend should help you with this whole decorating thing." Brooke threw some bags on the floor and made her way to the couch, where Lucas had been deep in thought. "But I figured that you've been dating her for a while now, and she hasn't proved much of a help in that department. So I took the liberty of collecting a few paint swatches, for ideas mainly."

Lucas looked at the girl before him in utter confusion, trying to make out what she was saying through the constant stream of words flowing out of her mouth. He could see things in her hands, which seemed to be very brightly coloured, and he had the words 'girlfriend' and 'taken the liberty' so he was sort-of following.

"You don't have to use them, or decide right now, but I just saw the home décor store and thought of you and your desperate need for a bit of colour in your life."

He heard that bit. Was she just talking about the colour of walls, or was there something else behind it? Either way, Lucas had gotten up and hugged her, willing to stay in that position for the duration of the night, if it meant he could smell that sweet scent of cherries in her hair.

"Wow, I never received that reaction for paint swatches before" she giggled, still content to stay in his embrace, loving the feel of his arms around her.

"Well nobody ever spent as much time as you must have, just choosing me paint colours." he chuckled, offering her a drink.

"Latte" just seemed to roll off her tongue, and naturally, Lucas made it, no questions asked about her constant need for caffeine.

"Tammie and I broke up" Lucas blurted out, handing Brooke her drink.

"What? Why?"

"We just weren't going to work, besides……" Now he was going to tell her. He was going to admit how much he loved her, how much he wanted her.

"Besides what?" she urged, her heart beating ten times faster than it normally did when she was around him.

"I have more fun without her." _there. He'd chickened out, and why? He'd had everything planned, he knew exactly what he was going to say, predicted a couple different reactions from Brooke, but he'd gone through this so many times in his head. So why hadn't it gone to plan?_

Brooke nodded, half upset, half relieved. She hadn't wanted her and Lucas to get together in these grounds. He knew nothing about her really. She didn't want him to make his judgements based on a lie.

But she'd tell him. She'd tell him everything right after tonight. After all, it was his birthday, and she wasn't going to do anything to spoil that. He deserved a day with his family and friends without any drama.

"So which colours do you like best?" he asked, intrigued to find out what Brooke's style was, and whether it had changed over the past five years.

"Plum seems to be fashionable" she replied, receiving a scrunched up nose from Lucas. "But you don't want something too common."

"I like that one." Lucas pointed to a pale blue, this time though, it was Brooke who scrunched up her nose.

"Blue's a cold colour. Besides, if you're only going to paint one wall that colour, you need something to stand out."

Lucas smiled at her, watching her sift through the thousands of different colours she had spread out on the floor. "You've thought this through."

"Well I spent that long in the store, I had to have some kind of idea what I was looking for." she smiled back at him, pointing to a section of a swatch. "I like that, I always wanted a wall that colour in my apartment, but it just wouldn't look right."

Lucas looked at the coral colour she had picked out, and envisaged his centre wall that colour. "I like it."

"Good. Because I'd decided on that one anyway."

"What if I hadn't liked it?" he asked

"I knew you would." she replied simply, shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly.

"But we're not painting now right?" he asked, confused as to why Brooke had had a sudden change of heart about helping him decorate.

"Of course not Broody." she shook her head, smiling "But tomorrow is a different story. If we're only here for a few days, then maybe we should start asap. I think you've waited long enough to paint this place."

"I guess I don't really have a choice do I?" he chuckled, helping her pick up the swatches from the floor.

"Nope"

He didn't care. He loved how excited she seemed, how her face lit up when they talked, how they could finally hold a conversation without either of them getting embarrassed or uneasy. He loved _her. _

* * *

They flopped onto the outside couch exhausted. What with Karen's 'I'm so proud that you're my son' speeches and attempting to entertain Daniel for longer than five minutes without him whimpering, Brooke and Lucas could hardly hold their eyes up. But they didn't want to go to bed just yet. He wanted to sit by her, watching her watch the waves crashing against the shore, averting her gaze to the starry sky from time to time. She wanted to snuggle up against his body, with his arms around her, just like they had done the previous night. She'd been feeling somewhat dizzy since her and Haley had returned from their shopping trip, and that wasn't helped by the fact that her stomach was churning. After all, she hadn't eaten _that much _food. Well, a few helpings of pasta bolognaise followed by chocolate pudding and then fruit salad had passed her lips, not to mention the numerous lattes. Brooke couldn't find an explanation as to why it was that she was constantly craving milky coffee, but it was yummy, so what the heck?

But leaning against him slightly made her feel better, especially since his body was radiating heat, keeping her warm and cosy, and utterly content. His eyes barely left her body, not that she could see him of course. He'd noticed a change in her since they had first encountered each other again back on that street in New York. It amused Lucas, how much of a cliché their lives were: the troubled romance, constantly thwarted by those obstacles, high school sweethearts still in love, or at least, he was. Then there was the way they met up again, a chance encounter. And now, here they were, back in Tree Hill, snuggling up to each other on a couch while they watched the tide turn, causing large waves to break against the soft sand, the sun creating an orange reflection in the water.

"I had a good time tonight" Brooke said softly, finally breaking the silence between them.

"Really? You weren't bored by my Mom's speeches?"

"Well maybe a little, after the first fifteen minutes"

"You lasted longer than I did" he chuckled "I was bored after five."

"I guess it's a good thing you and Tammie didn't get married then."

"Why's that?"

"Who knows how long the speeches at your wedding would have lasted. Probably at least another half hour longer than tonight." she giggled, letting out a content sigh. This was comfortable. Their situation may have been slightly complicated, but right now, in this moment, everything was good, and she wouldn't have changed it for the world.

* * *

There was no smell of coffee when he woke up, no sound of Brooke walking around the living room while some music he didn't like blasted out of the television.

Maybe she'd gone out shopping with Haley, he thought. But then, it was unlikely of her to go out without telling him, especially since she was staying in his house. He moved back the comforter, letting his body wake itself up slowly, rather than jumping straight up from the bed like he had been used to. He pulled on some jogging bottom that were draped over a chair, making sure that he wasn't exposing too much skin. After all, he didn't want it to be awkward before he told Brooke how he felt. That would come afterwards.

Walking into the living room, he noticed Brooke half laid, half sat on the couch outside of the door. Lucas made his way out there, taking a quilt with him. Being Spring, the mornings in Tree Hill still weren't particularly warm, especially with the sea breeze cooling the air further.

He frowned when Brooke didn't move for him to sit down, but shrugged to himself, perching on the end of the couch.

"Hey, what're you doing out here?"

She turned slightly to look at him, her eyes watering, teeth biting her bottom lip.

"You okay?" he asked, worried. Brooke shook her head.

"I feel like crap"

"No offence, but you don't look too good." he tried to offer her a smile, but she couldn't return it, prompting Lucas to lay the quilt over her body.

"Please take it off." she said quickly "I'm really hot."

Lucas touched her forehead with the back of his hand, becoming more worried by the second.

"Brooke you're burning up. I'll take you to the doctor."

"No it's fine." she rubbed her clammy hand against her leg, trying to get it to stop shaking. "It's probably just a virus. It'll pass."

He took the quilt inside, and returned with his grey hoody on, and a glass of water in his hand.

"Here, try and drink this" he handed her the glass, squinting at her shaking hand as she took a tiny sip before handing him it back.

"Thanks"

"Brooke, I really think you should go to the doctor."

She nodded her head, unable to be bothered to refuse. Her stomach felt tight, like someone was sitting on it. Her head hurt, and she could barely focus on Lucas's face, let alone other things going on around her.

Her body shook as he picked her up, her teeth chattering as Lucas did his best to warm her up. He set her in the passenger seat and immediately took off the hoody, carefully putting it over her head as she lifted her arms up for him to continue dressing her. Brooke tried to focus on him, but after a few seconds, he would spin away from her, leaving her looking at black spots.

Lucas locked the house quickly, before driving to the hospital, his stomach knotted with worry, increasing every time Brooke winced in pain, or shut her eyes.

* * *

"Do you think you can walk inside there?" Lucas asked, pointing to the emergency entrance doors in front of them. Brooke nodded her head, as he opened the door for her, catching her tiny body as her legs threatened to give way beneath her.

Had she not been to weak to cry, Brooke would have surely had tears streaking her face, caused by the incessant thumping in her head.

"I've got you" Lucas said softly, not taking any chances as he picked her up in his arms once again, carrying her to a seat in the waiting room. He looked at the way her eyes were shutting, the beads of sweat forming on her forehead, even though she was cold to the touch. Her hands were shaking, and when she clutched her stomach in pain, Lucas knew this was more than just a virus.

* * *

"If you could remove your clothes Miss Davis, and change into this gown, I can examine you." The doctor instructed as he left the room, leaving a very weak Brooke leant against Lucas' body.

"I'll give you some privacy" Lucas told her, but mustering all the strength that she could, Brooke told him to stay. After struggling to lift her arm out of Lucas' hoody, he did it for her, followed by the red shirt and sweats. He smiled at her, making sure that she wasn't uncomfortable, and after receiving a tired nod, he placed the gown over her thin body, tying the ribbon at the back of her neck.

By the time the doctor had returned to Brooke's room, she had gone from cold to hot again, yet her body was still cold and clammy to the touch. Lucas sat on the chair, rubbing the back of his neck harshly as the doctor felt around Brooke's glands, taking her blood pressure level and pulse, while Brooke laid there silently, wishing the doctor would hurry up so that he could give her some drugs to make her feel better.

"How long have you had these symptoms?"

"Since last night." Brooke answered "But they weren't anywhere near as bad."

The doctor nodded and felt around Brooke's stomach, frowning, and pressing on it again. Lucas watched in confusion as the doctor took what seemed to be a plastic cone out of a drawer, and place it on her stomach. He put his ear to the end of the instrument, which caused more anxiety and confusion among both Brooke and Lucas, especially when he moved around various areas of her stomach, looking at it, then putting his ear to it, and repeating the action again.

"What it is?" Lucas asked anxiously "What's wrong with her?"

"Sir could you just give me a minute to run a scan on Miss Davis"

Lucas paced the room as the doctor ran something along Brooke's stomach. There had to be something really wrong with her if he had to run a scan, it was obvious that this wasn't a routine procedure.

"Miss Davis, look up at the screen." the doctor pointed to a monitor behind his head, and both Brooke and Lucas looked up in confusion, wondering what it was they were supposed to see.

"I don't see anything." Brooke forced herself to say. "I can't focus on the screen."

Lucas squinted his eyes, but was still unable to make out anything on the monitor.

"Miss Davis you're pregnant."

* * *

dun dun dun...don't worry guys, I'm not going to go all predicatble. Please review, even if it's justa little.

Emily-Grace xxx


	18. A Broken Hallelujah

**Author- **Emily-Grace Mendes (Brookebynature)

**Disclaimer- **I do not own the characters, but I guess I own the plotline. I thought I owned the title of this story too, but it turns out that there is also another story called 'life is what you make it' Damn. Oh...I should probably state that I don't own the song either, because Jeff Buckley might sue me otherwise. Now he can't. Ha!

**A/N- **I would appologise for not updating sooner, but this website hasn't allowed me to upload any documents for three days, so if I'd had my way, you would all have been reading this three days ago. So it's not my fault.

Thankyou very much for all of the reviews you've left for me, I really love reading them, so keep it up guys. I also now know who those silent readers are, because I can see you on my stats list :P

Enjoy xxx

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**Life Is What You Make It**

Chapter 18- A Broken Hallelujah

They'd driven home in silence, Brooke clutching the photo of the scan that the doctor had given her, Lucas with his eyes firmly on the road. She didn't know what to say to him, he didn't know what to say to her. He had questions, sure, and a hell of a lot of them at that. And he wanted answers, but judging by the look on Brooke's face, she had had no idea of the fact that she was pregnant, so she needed time for in to sink in before she had to start explaining.

She knew he was avoiding her gaze. She knew he'd have questions, and she'd have to tell him everything. That was the worst thing. Because she didn't want him to find out like this, in the heat of the moment. And she knew he'd be disappointed, and angry and whatever else there was to describe this situation. Confused was the word that sprung to her mind.

She had no idea who's baby it was, hell, she had had no idea that she was even pregnant. But she was, and there was no denying the fact that unless she made a decision soon, she would be a mom in less than six months.

The doctor had given her leaflets explaining the choices there was: adoption, termination, surrogacy, or she could have the baby. But right now, the latter seemed the most complicated and hard of all of the options.

Lucas turned off the engine and just sat there, staring at his house in front of him. A house that up until a few hours ago, had been filled with contentment and happiness. But now, the prospect of going inside, to an even bigger silence was too much to bear.

He finally looked at her to see tears forming in her eyes, and he just couldn't help himself. His hand reached out and held hers, stroking the soft skin with his thumb as she just looked at him, as if silently asking what she should do.

"Lets go inside" he said softly, releasing her hand from his grasp. "wait there."

Brooke watched as Lucas made his way to the passenger door and opened it, letting her slide out so that he could carry her to the bedroom.

They said nothing again until Lucas placed Brooke gently on the bed, moving the hair out of her face as her eyes continued to cloud with tears.

"Lucas" she chocked, barely able to speak, partly from how bad she was feeling, partly because she wasn't sure how to tell him about her life. But she knew she had to, and she needed to do it soon.

"Brooke it's okay. Just get some rest" he started to get off the bed, but she used the remaining bit of strength she had, to pull him back.

"I need to explain."

He nodded, shutting the door, as if someone would be listening.

* * *

"I'm not a waitress" she started, trying to sit up, but the dizziness forced her to lay back down again as Lucas moved closer to her. 

"I thought when I went to New York, I'd just get a job in Macys or Barneys ya know?"

Lucas nodded, trying to figure out what this had to do with Brooke being pregnant.

"But they wouldn't hire me, and neither would anywhere else." A tear fell from her eye, the first of many. "And I needed to pay the rent for my apartment, and other bills, so there was this guy. I didn't like him, but he said he could get me some work as…." she trailed off, not being able to look Lucas in the eye. His heart was starting to pound in his chest, wondering just what it was that Brooke was going to tell him.

"He said that a pretty girl like me could make a lot of money from prostitution."

Lucas ran a hand through his hair, gulping as Brooke continued.

"I figured that it was the best option if I had to pay the bills. I was only going to do it as a one-off."

Her eyes were pleading with him to say something, but he kept silent, wanting to scream or shout or hit something, but for some reason, nothing would come out.

"All I wanted to do was go back to Tree Hill, and you, and say that I made a mistake leaving college. To admit that I needed help, and that things were too much. But I couldn't. I didn't want you to know what I'd been doing, or how I'd been living because I knew you'd be angry."

"Brooke…" Lucas managed to get out, but trailed off. He wouldn't have been angry with her, but it hurt, knowing that even though he was the only one she let in, she didn't trust him enough to come to him when she needed it.

"So I just kept doing it. I hated it Lucas, I hated every single second, and I felt dirty, and cheap and worthless, but I needed the money. Anything I had spare went on vodka or something else like that, just so I could block out during the day, what I did at night."

"The bruises" Lucas said, looking at her shoulder which was covered once again by his grey hoody. "Is that were you got them? From those guys?"

Brooke stared at the comforter and nodded. "I thought if I ran away I could hide it from you, that if I lied, you wouldn't figure me out."

A few more tears fell from her eyes, streaking her cheek with black mascara, but Lucas could say nothing.

"I don't live in that apartment building I showed you. I live a few blocks in the other direction, and it's awful. I was ashamed to show you, so I just pointed out the first decent building I saw. But haven't got the money to get anything better, so I'm stuck there. You've got to believe me when I say I hate what I've become."

"I believe you" Lucas whispered.

"I have no idea whose baby this is" Brooke gestured to her flat stomach, more tears escaping her eyes "And I just don't know what to do." she broke down, her body convulsing. She expected him to be angry or disappointed, but he just let his arms wrap around her as he laid next to her on the bed, smoothing Brooke's soft hair away from her face. Her forehead was still hot, her hands cold and clammy, and Lucas could do nothing but lay with her. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't make it all better. He couldn't make it go away, he couldn't go back in time and change the past.

So he settled for holding her in his arms while she clung to him and cried into his chest, soaking the shirt he was wearing. He was amazed she had the strength left in her to cry like that, after everything she'd been through. But he figured the more she cried, the better it was, at least she was getting everything out.

"Lucas I….."

"Shhh" he whispered to her, continuing to stroke her hair as she rested against him, her chest heaving and her head pounding. "You don't have to tell me any more. It's going to be okay."

"It's not though is it?" she raised her voice, pulling back from his arms. "It's not going to be okay Lucas, because I'm pregnant, PREGNANT and I have no idea whose baby it is. What kind of mother does that make me?"

"Don't do this Brooke" Lucas told her calmly, his stomach knotted in worry.

"Don't do what? Don't think about what I'm going to do?"

"I mean, don't blame yourself."

"How can I not? I was me that got me into this, and now I just don't know what to do." she broke down into his arms once again as he rested his chin on the top of her head, shushing her and kissing her hair.

* * *

Lucas only moved once- to ring Haley and tell her that Brooke was sick, and that they were just going to stay at home for the day. He hated lying further, but figuring that Brooke had hardly had chance to come to terms with the fact that she was pregnant, let alone decide whether or how she was going to tell Haley and Nathan. And Karen, who seemed somewhat disappointed that Lucas told her she shouldn't come over, even if it was to bring some of the homemade spicy pasta she knew Brooke loved. 

Afternoon had passed pretty quickly as Brooke told Lucas more details about her life back in New York, feeling worse and worse as night got closer. It wasn't the dizziness that was bothering her too much, it was the constant thumping in her head, and the churning in her stomach, accompanied by a few sharp pains from time to time. The doctor had insisted that everything was fine on the scan, an that these symptoms could sometimes point towards an ectopic pregnancy, meaning that the baby was growing outside of the womb with limited oxygen supply.

Still, Brooke hadn't heard of many pregnant people who had the same symptoms as she did, but surely the doctor was right.

"Lucas I can't do it."

"Do what?"

"I can't have this baby, I just can't. I wouldn't know what to do, I have no money, nowhere decent to live, and this might sound really selfish, but……" she trailed off, a tear escaping her previously dry face. "I'm not sure if I can have a baby when I don't even know who the father is, when it was conceived like it was."

"Brooke that doesn't make you selfish" Lucas assured, rubbing the shoulder that wasn't bruised. He was still wary about touching that part of her, and both of them knew it.

"I might end up resenting it, and I couldn't do that to a child Lucas." she chocked, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "I don't want to become my parents, if I had a child, I'd want it to have a good life."

He had no idea what to say. He didn't want to say anything that would make her feel worse, and he had no idea of what would make her feel better. But while they were on the subject of the truth……

"Brooke I need to tell you something" Lucas took a breath, pausing to see if she wanted him to continue.

"Sure"

* * *

"When I came to New York, I didn't just come for writing purposes." 

Brooke frowned, wondering what this had to do with anything.

"I came because I needed to find you, to see you again." He looked at her, willing her to say something, anything. But she kept silent, her teary eyes searching his.

"I thought that maybe we could give us another shot, and I know this is bad timing, and I'm not asking you to even consider getting together, but I just wanted you to know."

"To know what Lucas?" she gasped, shaking her head. "Why couldn't you have told me this before? Why now?"

"I couldn't stand being with you any longer without you knowing the truth. And I just want you to know that I'm here for you, whatever happens, whether you decide to have this baby or not, I'll be there."

"I can't ask you to do that Lucas. It's not fair, this is my mess."

"It's not a mess Brooke. Can't you see that? I can take care of you and this baby."

"That's exactly what I don't want Luke!" she stressed, forcing herself to sit up while trying to ignore the pain in her head. "This is why I left."

"You left because you were pregnant?" he asked confused.

"No" she shook her head, instantly regretting it. "Because I knew that if I told you I was leaving college and moving to New York, you would have come with me."

"Exactly" Lucas said, even more confused. "All through that first semester, I wanted nothing more that for us to be together again, properly. I thought you felt the same way."

"I did!" she replied, sighing "But you would have given up everything Lucas. Look at the life you have now, a beautiful house and apartment, all because you finished college. Look what I have. A crappy apartment, job as a prostitute and now I'm pregnant! I didn't want to drag you down this road Luke." she said softly, resting back down.

"I wouldn't have cared" he said truthfully.

"I would."

* * *

They stayed silent for at least half an hour, both staring out of the window as they could see the sun fade, and the clouds start to form in the night sky. His hands had crept absentmindedly to her arm, and were now tracing soothing patterns along it, making Brooke's heavy eyes close. Lucas kissed her forehead lightly as she inched closer, feeling the warmth radiating off of his body. 

"Brooke" he said softly, just before she could fall asleep, her eyes sore and swollen from crying.

"yeah?" she whispered, opening her hazel eyes just a little, but enough to be able to see the soft, caring expression on his face.

"Don't think I'm going anywhere. Even if you want me to. When we get back to New York, I'll come with you to the doctors appointments, I'll help buy stuff if you decide to have the baby. You can move into my apartment if you want."

She nodded her head, a grateful smile on her face. "I don't deserve to have you in my life again."

"No Brooke. You do. You don't deserve what you've gotten, but don't ever think that you're alone, because I'll be there. If you need to call, at any time of night or wherever I am, I'll get to you. Make sure you know that."

_Well there was a time when you let me know  
What's really going on below  
But now you never show that to me do you?_

He knew she'd need to spend some time on her own, not just to process what he had told her, but to figure out what she was going to do, and how long she wanted, or needed to spend in Tree Hill.

But Lucas just wished that she would tell him more, tell him what she was feeling, and let him look after her, because all he wanted was to know that she was safe.

_But remember when I moved in you  
And the holy dove was moving too  
And every breath we drew was hallelujah _

They'd been so right, so happy with each other in that last year of high school. And college had seemed to wreck most things: their own relationship, Jake and Peyton's relationship, Brooke's self confidence. He had to get that back.

_Well, maybe there's a god above  
But all I've ever learned from love  
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you _

Lucas finished making his latte and took a sip, but frowned at the taste, wondering whether it was actually the coffee, or the way he felt. He could now hear Brooke trying to stifle her sobs in the bedroom, and his heart sunk to the pit of his stomach, wishing there was something he could do to make things better.

_It's not a cry that you hear at night  
It's not somebody who's seen the light _

The door of her room opened, and he looked up to see her standing at the top of the stairs, clinging on to the rail as she just looked at him and cried. Lucas set his mug down and decided against smiling, making his way up the stairs so he could carry her back down in his arms. He pointed to the outside couch, and she just nodded, sniffing as he grabbed the quilt from the couch in the living room.

He sat down, letting her lay against him as he tucked the quilt around them both, rubbing his hands up and down her arms, letting one lightly graze her hardened stomach as Brooke shut her eyes.

_It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah  
Hallelujah...

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_

A review if you would please guys xxx


	19. If You said This Life Aint Good Enough

**Author- **Emily-Grace Mendes (Brookebynature)

**Disclaimer-** I don't own the characters, or the words for the chapter title.I guess I don't own any words though...

**A/N- **this chapter, is essentially, a little fillerI guess. Thnaks for all of the reviews you've left for me, keep them up guys! Enjoy xxx

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**Life Is What You Make It**

Chapter 19- If You Said This Life Aint Good Enough

"You feeling any better?" he asked as her hazel eyes fluttered open to meet his blue ones, showing nothing but love and worry. She nodded her head a little and forced a smile, but he knew she was lying.

"You don't have to put up a front Brooke. It's okay to show me how you really feel ya know?"

She smiled and nodded, and closed her eyes again as he let his hand trace lazily up and down her arm.

"What do they look like at 16 weeks?" she asked suddenly, catching Lucas off guard.

"Babies?"

"Yeah. What would it look like?"

"I'm not sure" Lucas admitted honestly.

"But it would have arms? And legs?"

"I think so. You know, we could find out if you want."

Brooke shook her head. "It doesn't matter. I was just wondering."

"Brooke if you're having second thoughts…"

"I'm not having second thoughts" she said quickly, not even believing herself.

Lucas nodded, debating her answer. "Okay"

* * *

"Would it be able to move now?"

Lucas swallowed, knowing that there was no way she wasn't having second thoughts about a termination, and even though he didn't want her to, he knew that it wasn't his place to tell her that, and that things would only be made harder if he did.

"Wait here" Lucas told her, kissing her hair as he made his way off of the bed slowly, being careful not to jolt it in any way.

Brooke looked at him questioningly when he returned with his laptop, a pen and a piece of paper in his hand, accompanied by a glass of orange juice in the other.

"We can look it up."

"Lucas it really doesn't….."

"Don't say it doesn't matter Brooke. You know it does."

She nodded guiltily, hoping that a sixteen-week-old foetus would not resemble a baby in any way. It did.

"So I could tell what sex this baby is?" Brooke asked, gesturing towards her stomach. Lucas nodded. "It says here that you can tell from twelve weeks."

"That's the safe point right? Where things shouldn't go wrong?"

"That's what it says in the online book."

"And these books, they're often right? They tell the truth?"

Lucas chuckled a little "I don't think they can lie to you about this kind of stuff Brooke."

She nodded and gave him a little smile before sipping on the orange juice. Resting her body against his once again, Brooke decided that maybe she should think about this whole baby thing. After all, getting rid of a life that she had created was something her parents would have been likely to do. And she didn't want to be her parents.

* * *

"I just wished you guys could have stayed longer" Karen said as she embraced Brooke in a hug, watched by Lucas, Nathan and Haley.

"Me too" it was Haley's turn to hug the best friend she had missed for five years, worry setting in as she felt Brooke's bones underneath her skin. Exchanging an anxious glance with Nathan, Haley hugged Lucas and whispered in his ear

"Don't let her go again"

He smiled back at her, a grateful smile, confirming the answer to what she had just told him: he wouldn't.

"I love you guys" Brooke managed to choke before she had to stop talking for fear of crying and telling them everything.

"Brooke you're gonna make us cry" Karen sniffed a little and laughed, pulling the girl in for one last hug before Lucas and Brooke climbed into the taxi.

"I did the right thing didn't I?" Brooke asked Lucas as they made their way to the airport. "Not telling them? It was the right thing to do?"

"Brooke you don't have to tell anyone anything until you've decided what you're going to do. You don't even need to tell anyone after that if you don't want."

She smiled gratefully at him, resting her head on his shoulder.

The rest of the ride was silent, as too, was the flight home. Brooke giggled a few times at the nervous state that Lucas was in, and he returned a smile, glad that she seemed to be thinking things through, and that se could still laugh.

But when they landed in New York, her smile turned to a frown as she looked at Lucas. "I'll show you where I really live if you want."

He nodded, wondering what her place was going to be like, and whether he could let her stay there.

* * *

And when they reached the building after having dropped their suitcases off at Lucas' apartment, his stomach lurched. Brooke gulped, hoping that the usual guys wouldn't be hanging around shouting at her to fuck them. At least Lucas would think it was better that way.

But they were. And Brooke didn't know why she'd even so much as hoped they wouldn't be. Perched on the wall with cans of beer in their hands, they wolf-whistled at Brooke, making her stomach churn. She felt Lucas take hold of her hand and give it a small squeeze as he moved closer, his body shielding hers as they walked up the first flight of stairs.

"You're not going to give us a shag then?" one of the guys shouted, met with laughter from the others as Lucas turned, letting go of Brooke's hand. But before he could say or do anything. She had grabbed his hand back again, and pulled him toward the direction of her apartment.

"Work it baby!" he shouted again as Brooke dipped her head lower and lower, feeling that familiar fear and embarrassment setting in again.

They reached Brooke's door and she turned to face him, her back against it as she tried to avert his gaze from the leaky ceiling and damp walls.

"It's not that bad" she said softly, trying desperately to sound like she meant it. He just nodded, not even smiling this time or offering a reply. His heart started to hammer in his chest when she opened the door and he was met with the smell of alcohol, and the bottles to show it.

"Brooke…." he started to say, but trailed off, not knowing what it was that he wanted to tell her, or what it was that she wanted to hear.

"I…."

She watched as he made his way to the kitchen area, checking the cupboards as she had done in his apartment. Only this time, there was no joking between the two, no playful flirting or smiles. Just worry on his part, and embarrassment on hers.

He noticed that the cupboards held no food, the fridge no sodas or juice, just neat vodka. He met her eyes with his and she gave a little smile.

"C'mon" he took her hand and led her out of the apartment.

"What…where are we going?" she asked, a confused expression on her face, the total opposite of the determined one on his.

"Back to my place"

"How long for? What about all my stuff?"

"Brooke, I just looked, you don't have any stuff!" he had started to raise his voice a little now as they seemed to walk faster and faster out of that building.

"I do! I have clothes, and a couch….." she trailed off, knowing he wasn't listening to her. "Lucas!"

* * *

He finally stopped walking after a few blocks, when he saw that they were in the company of coffee houses and clothes stores, pet and grocery stores.

"Lucas what the hell are you doing?"

"I'm getting you out of there Brooke"

"You can't just make that decision, you can't just make me move in with you and think that everything's going to be okay!"

"How many good nights sleep have you had there? How many nights have you felt safe?"

She didn't answer, choosing instead to lean against the wall of a building, staring at the ground.

"And how many good nights sleep do you think I'm going to have, knowing that you're staying in that building with those guys?"

"So this is all about you now?"

"How can you even say that?" he asked softly, wanting to either scream, or cry, or punch something.

"I….I'm sorry." she swallowed, knowing that it was going to be hard to admit her feelings to him, especially in the middle of the street. "I just, I wanted to be the one that got me out of there. I wanted to be able to look at a nice apartment that I was living in and think 'I bought this' or 'I worked hard to get this' Now you've just come along and made everything all better, and I didn't want to be that kind of girl."

"You didn't want to be what kind of girl?" he asked softly, almost whispering.

"The one that had to rely on you for everything."

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you like? xxx

next chapter: Brooke makes a decision


	20. The Colour Of Despair

**Author- **Emily-Grace Mendes (Brookebynature)

**Disclaimer- **I don't own the characters, and I don't own this chapter title either. it comes courtesy of Cold Mountain.

**A/N- **A huge thank you to everyone who has reviewed. I think a shout out is long overdue to **elliemo**, **chebelle **and **photoboothromance **because you guys review everything! And to everyone else, thank you too, because I love reading your reviews.

This chapter is shorter than most of the others, but I think you'll like it. I did...

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**Life Is What You Make It**

Chapter 20- The Colour Of Despair

Brooke sat there, in the silent waiting room, the continuous tickling of the clock on the wall threatening to make her scream any second. So she'd told Lucas she was going to the grocery store, after all, there wasn't much food in his house and if there were to be two of them now, they'd need food. It wasn't a huge lie, because she had, in fact, been to the grocery store, but now she was sat, waiting for the doctor to perform a termination.

She had thought about it, she'd done nothing but. It was hardly something you could push to the back of your mind, and hope would go away. And she didn't have much time left to make a decision. She was nearly four months pregnant, not that anyone would have been able to tell, and within six months, had she not decided on this option, she would become a mother: someone who had to take care of another human being, be responsible for someone else's life. And she couldn't do it.

So Brooke was nervously waiting, sat in a chair that was supposed to be comfortable, but somehow, she couldn't relax. She knew these decisions wouldn't make most people feel guilty, but she did. And her guilt was beginning to grow the longer she waited. There were pictured on the walls, pictures of families from all different races, and Brooke guessed, all different backgrounds. But she figured that there was nobody on these pictures that had conceived their child through the way she had.

She was an exception, someone who could use their story as an excuse, as something to take away the feeling of guilt, to justify their actions. But she still felt bad. Her hand reached inside of her jeans pocket, stroking the scan the doctor had given her back in Tree Hill. And she felt tears brimming in her eyes once again, urging herself not to cry, to not have second thoughts. But she was.

* * *

"Brooke Davis, room 4 please" boomed over the speakers. She wondered, why it was, that this place felt the need to announce things so loudly. After all, nobody was talking, and the volume of the speakers made her feel even worse. But she rose form the chair anyway, making her way down the relatively short corridor to room 4, her hand still inside of her pocket, clutching the photo. 

It was as though the place was trying to persuade people not to have terminations, what with the large posters advertising different brands of powder milk, and support groups for young families. And when she reached the door handle, Brooke noticed how much her hand was shaking, and how much her heart was pounding, and how much she really didn't want to go through with this.

And then she turned and ran, as fast as her shaky legs would let her go, and as far as she could, her vision obscured by the tears that were falling down her face. Tears of relief maybe, but tears all the same.

* * *

Lucas ran to the door as she heard Brooke enter, screaming his name in between violent sobs and large intakes of breath. 

"Lucas!" she cried into his chest as she held her, his arms wrapped tightly around her shaking body as she tried to catch her breath.

"What happened Brooke? His voice started to crack as he waited for her to reply, his heart beating dangerously fast in his chest.

"I…..the….baby…..termination…." she fell against him again as he kissed her hair, trying to put together what she had just said.

"I went to the doctors" she managed to get out as his hands instinctively rubbed up and down her arms, trying to relieve them of the goose bumps that seemed permanently etched into her skin. "For a termination"

He swallowed hard, yet the lump in his throat stayed there as he processed her words, blinking back tears. So she'd had a termination without telling him. He wanted to be mad, angry. But he didn't have the right. It wasn't his baby, he had no idea what she was thinking, and plus, he couldn't be mad at her, not when she was so weak that she needed him to stand with her to hold her up.

"But I couldn't go through with it" she added, before breaking down once again, her arms clutching at his shirt, her sobs soaking the front as Lucas' heart rate decreased a little.

"So you didn't have a termination?" he clarified, which was met by Brooke shaking her head, the shiny brunette hair that he loved so much sticking to her face as more tears leaked from her eyes.

He shushed her as best he could, rocking backwards and forewords as if he were soothing a small child, her sobs subsiding a little. She reached inside her pocket once again and brought out the photo of the scan, handing it to Lucas.

"I created that, and I just couldn't get rid of it. It's not fair."

He smiled at her, moving her hair out of her eyes as his thumb wiped her cheek softly, stopping the salty tears from making their journey down her face.

"You're not going to be on your own Brooke" Lucas said softly, leading her to the couch which overlooked the bay window she had loved so much last time. "I'm here. For you, and for this baby."

She shook her head. "No, I need to do this on my own Lucas. I appreciate everything you've done for me, and everything you're willing to give up."

He started to move his lips in order to argue his point, after realising what she was going to say, but she held her hand up, telling him she needed to continue.

"But I can't rely on you for everything. I've done that too much in the past, and look where it's gotten me. I can get a job, and a decent apartment. I just need some time to do it."

"How much time Brooke? You're having a baby in six months! Why won't you just let me help you?" His voice was a lot louder now, a mix of fear and determination.

"Because if you help me Lucas, if I let you, then you're going to stay with me. You'll feel you have to, and I don't want that. This is my mess, a mistake that I made, and you don't need to ruin your own life through it."

"This isn't going to ruin your life Brooke!" he told her, his voice threatening to crack yet again. "And it's not going to ruin my life. I want to be with you okay! I don't feel like I have to, I want to! I came here to find you Brooke. Why? Because I needed you, just as much as I know you need me. And you can try as much as you want to convince me, or yourself, or anyone else otherwise, but you know it's true." He took a breath, his blue eyes silently pleading with hers to listen to him.

"Just let me in."

And then she pressed her lips up against his, a moment of passion and love and fulfilment. A need that both of them had had for the past five years granted, and as Lucas cupped Brooke's cheek delicately in his hand, still slightly wet from wiping her tears, she knew he was right.

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Please review xxx 


	21. A New Perspective

**Author- **Emily-Grace Mendes (Brookebynature)

**Disclaimer- **I don't own the characters, only the story.

**A/N- **Thank you for the reviews guys :) I didn't get so many that chapter, so i'm hoping to make it up now. Enjoy

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**Life Is What You Make It**

Chapter 21- A New Perspective

They lay on the couch, side by side, him careful not to press on her stomach, her just being careful. Their eyes were shut, no brown meeting blue, no dimples or warm smiles on display. They were content to just be with each other, Lucas' lips grazing Brooke's from time to time, her hands lingering on his sweater.

Not once had their tongues crossed into each other's mouths: the kisses weren't about desire or lust. It was just a communication between the two of them, him telling her that he was there, her telling him that she'd let him in.

And that was all they needed. They didn't need words, they didn't need to open their eyes to know what the other was feeling, and they certainly didn't need to have sex to prove the way they felt. Just laying together was enough.

He didn't want to think about the status of their relationship, what the kiss meant. But yet, it was all he could think about, wondering what he was actually going to say when one of them needed to speak, where he was going to sleep that night, whether she was going to sleep with him. He wondered whether she wanted him as a father figure for her child. He'd be that, she didn't even have to ask. But Lucas knew he couldn't just assume. Because that's how things could get screwed up. He knew they needed to communicate every step of the way if they even so much as had a shot of making this thing between them work.

But he stopped thinking when she inched closer to him, her hands which had been previously just resting on his sweater, now holding onto it as she bit his bottom lip lightly, sending a smile across his face. She smiled too, that dimpled smile that made him open his eyes and just stare at her, actually looking completely happy for once while her eyes were still shut, before he leant in to kiss her again.

His hand cupped her face, caressing the soft skin as her own hand moved to the back of his neck, playing with his blonde hair which had grown back to the length it was when he had first met her. The necklace she had given him in Peyton's father's car was present, as too, was the scent of his cologne which she loved so much. There was just something about that scent that she found comforting, making her want to fall asleep with it's musky smell still in the air.

But of course, for over five years she hadn't smelt that when she went to sleep, instead, the scent of her cherry shampoo was the comfort she had, no match for Lucas. But now, things were going to be different. She knew that she could go to sleep in the same bed as him, his arm around her protectively like she wanted with the scent of his cologne in the air, without so much as having to tell him she didn't want to have sex just yet. She knew he knew. And she loved him even more for it.

* * *

Brooke broke away, opening her eyes for the first time in over half an hour, and upon seeing Lucas' face that close to her own, a smile broke out between the two, his blue eyes shinning as she caught herself looking into them once again.

"So that was….."

"Just what I've wanted for the last five years" she told him honestly, receiving a nod, and a heartfelt smile.

"Me too"

"As good as you'd imagined it?"

"Different to how I imagined it" he admitted. Sitting alone in that big house for all that time, Lucas had had enough moments to think about the present in his head. And not once had he thought it would turn out like it had. And he was glad. Because it felt even better.

"Good different?" She questioned, but knew exactly what he meant. She thought that when they if and when they did finally kiss, it would have been something like you see in the movies: fiery and passionate and filled with lust. She thought they'd have been ripping at each others clothes in a frantic need to rid themselves of them by the time they had reached the bedroom. But it wasn't. And she enjoyed it even more.

"Definitely good different."

She lay her head against his chest, that soothing sound of his heartbeat letting her know that she was safe. Lucas kissed her hair lightly, smoothing it down with one hand while stroking her back with the other. He wanted desperately to rest one hand on her stomach, to have that contact with her and the baby. But even though she'd showed that she had let him in, there had been no mention about the future, no planning, no discussion.

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"What are we going to do?" he asked, feeling a sudden release as the words spilled from his mouth. She opened her eyes again, moving her head so that she could look at him.

Brooke simply replied "Take each day as it comes" And with that, she rested her head contently back on his chest, indicating end of discussion. But that wasn't enough for Lucas.

"But we'll do it together?"

"Together" she mumbled sleepily, interlocking her fingers with his as she brought their hands to her flat stomach, a large smile breaking out on Lucas' face.

"I'll be there Brooke" he stated, letting his fingers trace lazily along her skin as it tingled. She had no doubt that he would be there. But she was too comfortable even to speak. And she loved it. And she told herself that waiting five years for this was worth it, because if anything, she appreciated Lucas so much more.

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He awoke during the night to find her body missing from the small space on the couch where it had been resting for the past few hours, a mixture of disappointment and confusion written across his face. Lucas made his way from the living room down the hallway, pausing at each doorway to see if he could see her. His heart beat faster as he came to the last bedroom, praying that she was there, and hadn't just left him.

"Looking for me?" she asked. He nodded and smiled, placing a hand on his chest as if to steady his heart beat.

"I thought you'd…."

"Never" she cut in, moving closer to him. "I just wanted to think that's all."

"About?"

"About how things have changed in a matter of weeks. How I feel, how you might feel."

"And how do you feel?" he interlaced his fingers with hers as he kissed her forehead.

"A little scared, nervous" she admitted "But happy."

"So if you're happy….." he moved a strand of her shiny hair from out of her face, tucking it behind her ear. "Do you wanna come lay back on the couch. I was getting kinda cold on my own."

"As much as I like your couch Lucas, I'd prefer a bed." she giggled as he kissed her nose.

"Sure. You can have my bed and I'll"

"Stay with me" Brooke cut in, earning her a smile.

"You sure?"

"Positive" She gave him that dimpled smile, telling him that she was absolutely sure about this, and that he didn't need to ask again. She changed in the bathroom, into a pair of sweats and a tank top, tying her hair back loosely. It hadn't taken her long to find the clothes, after all, she only owned a few, and most of them were unsuitable to say the least.

Lucas changed too, a pair of sweats making up his sleeping attire, although he figured that he should put on a t-shirt, so as not to seem like he was encouraging anything. But Brooke's frown when she emerged from the bathroom was enough to make him ask

"What's the matter?"

"Where's the shirtless Lucas I used to enjoy sleeping with so much five years ago?"

"I thought that maybe…."

"Lucas, you don't have to tip toe around me" she half laughed, half told him softly.

He chuckled a little too, and removed his t-shirt, earning him an appreciative smile and a raise of the eyebrow from Brooke.

"If we'd have been doing this back in college neither of us would have this many clothes on right now."

He captured her lips in a kiss that said it all: how much he wanted to be with her, how much he'd missed her, how much he loved her. And she responded, not by pushing him away, or saying they should slow things down, but by opening her mouth just that bit wider to allow his tongue to slip in, moaning softly as his fingers dug lightly into her soft skin.

They moved to the bed, all the while kissing and caressing each other, but no items of clothing removed. They controlled themselves before anything got too out of hand, Lucas knowing that Brooke wasn't quite ready to go further, Brooke knowing that when they did eventually have sex, it would be that much more special, even if it did sound cheesy.

Lucas broke away after a few more minutes, content to just lay there with his arms wrapped around her, listening and watching as her chest rose and fell slowly, her eyes flickering until they were almost closed. And as she snuggled that bit closer, the musky scent of his cologne that she loved so much surrounding her, Brooke knew that things would be okay.

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Please review, and also, check out my new story 'just watch her move'

Emily-Grace xxx


	22. Needing You

**Author- **Emily-Grace Mendes (Brookebynature)

**Disclaimer- **I don't own the characters or the show, only the story

**A/N- **Sorry it has taken me so long to update, but I have been stuck for how to write this chapter, but it's turned out how I wanted :) A huge thank you to everyone who has reviewed, I love reading them.

Also, a few people have been asking if ths fic is nearly over. HELL NO! It's got ages to go yet lol, I have quite a few thngs planned, and now since it's the holidays, I should be able to update more frequently, providing I'm not hungover from all the parties. I love Summer break :)

Hope you guys enjoy xxx

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**Life Is What You Make It**

Chapter 22- Needing You

"You sure you want to come with me?" Brooke asked Lucas as he set a glass of orange juice in front of her. "I can go myself if you want."

Lucas chuckled a little and poured himself a glass of the juice. "Brooke I've told you I'm coming."

She nodded a little and smiled at him, her hair tied in a messy bun, sweat pants and a tank top covering her thin body. "Okay"

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"Okay Miss Davis, this gel is going to feel a little cold." The doctor told her as he squeezed some _very _cold gel onto her flat stomach.

"Just a little" Brooke laughed nervously, her hand clutching Lucas'.

Brooke and Lucas watched the screen to the left of the bed, a frown on both of their faces as they searched for the baby. Had they noticed the frown too, on the doctor's face, they might have had cause to worry more, especially as started to press firmly above the waist band of Brooke's sweats.

"Everything okay doctor?" Lucas asked as he finally noticed the look of concern of his face.

He didn't answer Lucas, but instead turned the screen a little more towards him, his frown growing.

"Is there something wrong?" Brooke asked. Her hand seemed to be excessively sweating in Lucas' grip as each second passed when the doctor said nothing.

"It seems as though there is a leak of amniotic fluid" He said finally.

"Well what does that mean? Is the baby okay?" Lucas asked, his voice raised, hand holding Brooke's tighter.

"The baby seems to be a little underdeveloped for four months and the heart rate is slightly lower than average."

"Well what does all of this mean?" Brooke almost cried, her heart hammering in her ears as she watched the doctor point to the screen.

"I'm sorry to tell you this Miss Davis, but there is a high chance that you may miscarry."

That's when the tears started to fall. That's when Brooke felt like screaming that it wasn't fair, that she finally deserved something right in her life. Other than Lucas, this baby was all she had. And she wasn't ready to loose it.

Lucas' thumb stroked Brooke's hand, which was now cold, and lying almost limply in his as the doctor continued to explain.

"The reason you haven't been gaining weight is due to the fact that the amniotic fluid is leaking, meaning that the baby isn't as protected as usual."

"But I thought four months was the safe mark." Brooke chocked, her salty tears once again clouding her vision.

"Your baby is unlikely to survive at sixteen weeks Miss Davis. I'm sorry."

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When they reached Lucas' apartment, Brooke finally collapsed into his arms, her tiny, convulsing body even frailer with the news that she might not have this baby, that she might loose it, that she'd never get a chance to see what it looked like.

"This is all my fault" She cried into Lucas' chest, his shirt becoming damp with her tears.

"Of course it's not your fault Brooke. It's just something that happens. You couldn't have prevented this."

"I drunk Lucas. Every night after I'd had sex with those guys" Brooke spat "Every night I'd drink myself into an oblivion. I didn't eat, I hardly slept. Who knew what having sex did. I drunk lattes, I went to places where people smoked. It was me."

Lucas pulled Brooke to him as she sobbed harder, his lips finding their way to her hair that smelt so delicately of cherries as he whispered. "Don't ever blame yourself. You had no idea."

They said nothing for a while, Lucas just letting Brooke cry in his arms as a huge lump continued to form in his dry throat. He knew it wasn't fair, as in _really _wasn't fair. Brooke had gone through too much and he had no idea what loosing this baby might do.

"_Hey Broody look what I got." She held up a little Lakers basketball shirt, the tiniest form of that shirt Lucas had ever seen. She'd known he'd love it, and judging by the smile on his face, Brooke wasn't wrong._

"_How cute is this?"_

"_Very cute" Lucas chuckled, taking the shirt from Brooke to smooth in his own hands. Now it felt real._

"_Well you're gonna have to teach it to play basketball, cos God knows I can't." Brooke laughed, her hazel eyes gleaming with happy tears, the first happy tears Lucas had seen for five years._

"_What if it's a girl?" Lucas asked "You wouldn't mind her playing basketball."_

"_I can have a sporty daughter." Brooke replied "But she'd have to know how to cheer. I can't let my teaching skills go to waste."_

_Lucas kissed her then, the kind of kiss that told her how happy he was, that showed how much he loved her. The tiny shirt never once left Lucas' hand as Brooke's own caressed the back of his neck._

"_We're really gonna do this Lucas?" she whispered._

_He nodded. "We're really gonna do this."_

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The sky was dark now, cloudy, Lucas could tell, as there were no stars visible. That was one of his favourite things about this apartment. The fact that the New York skyline looked so incredible at night, especially when all of the stars were shinning, matched by the bright lights of the city below. But he didn't care about that view tonight.

Still, he stared out of the window, a decorative cushion that Brooke had insisted he bought held to his chest. Hell knows he wanted to cry. He wanted to cry and scream and punch something. But that would get him nowhere.

Brooke had finally fallen asleep, so as not to wake her, Lucas had tiptoed around his living room, not really knowing what to do. Staring out of the window may have seemed a little dramatic-looking, but it was having a slightly calming effect on him. He knew that if Brooke could carry this baby for another month, it would have a much greater chance of surviving. But a month was a long time. There wasn't going to be a day going by that either of them wondered if Brooke would loose it. And Lucas hated that fear. The fear of not knowing.

He spun round when he hear the door creak open, tears streaming down Brooke's face as her hand rested on her flat stomach.

"It's happening Lucas……I'm loosing the baby"

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Please review xxx


	23. Letting Go

**Author- **Emily-Grace Mendes (Brookebynature)

**Disclaimer- **I don't own the characters or the show, only this story

**A/N- **Thank you for all of the reviews, guys. Last chapter wasn't quite so good, but I think this chapter is better. Hope you enjoy xxx

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**Life Is What You Make It**

Chapter 23- Letting Go

She'd spent the past week crying. Every night, Lucas held her in his arms until she fell asleep, her face streaked with tears, her throat dry and coarse, his hand stroking her brunette hair in a soothing rhythm until her breathing fell even, a silence creeping in upon his apartment.

The tiny basketball jersey was still in its place in the drawer, She knew she had to keep it.

They'd gone to the hospital, despite Brooke's protests that she just wanted to stay in the apartment, and that she didn't want to see anyone. But worry had taken over Lucas, so much so that he wouldn't leave Brooke in a room by herself. He didn't know what she might do.

The doctor had run a scan, told them that there might be a small chance that the baby might still be alive. But that chance wasn't in their favour, and as Brooke had suspected, she miscarried, the child that she hadn't even been sure that she wanted in the first place was now gone. She'd have done anything to have it back.

Lucas had asked if the doctor could tell them the sex, that they'd like to know. Brooke had nodded, and the doctor broke the news that Brooke had lost a son, a little guy that Lucas could have taught basketball to, a son that Brooke now desperately wanted.

She wanted to give him a name, that way, he wouldn't be a forgotten memory, but rather, a person. He just wasn't living in this world. Lucas had left the naming of her son totally up to her, but she'd insisted that he had to agree, that this would have been his son too.

Brooke suggested finding a name with a special meaning. Their son at least deserved that. Lucas always found himself smiling whenever Brooke mentioned the words _our son. _She knew Lucas wanted to help raise him, and every day she was grateful for that.

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They'd enlisted the help of the internet once again, in finding out information. After much deliberation and favourite-swapping, Brooke was sure she had the perfect name. They'd found it comforting, to focus on something else, even though it was still do to with the baby, it was slightly easier now, accepting the fact that they would never meet their son.

"Matteo" Brooke told Lucas. "It means 'Gift from God'"

He smiled and nodded. "It's perfect."

"I always thought that if I had a son, I'd name him Scott." Brooke said, leaning against Lucas' shoulder. She found it somewhat comforting to do this, having found herself almost falling asleep many times over the past week.

"But I couldn't do that, well…because you can't name a child Scott Scott"

It was the first time she'd laughed in a week, even if it was a little strained, guilty perhaps, those dimples were displayed once again. And Lucas felt some of his worry towards her lift.

"I think Matteo Davis is a perfect name." Lucas told her. "Matty for short."

Brooke nodded, but then shook her head, leaving Lucas a little confused. "Matteo Scott Davis. I can still call him that."

"Brooke you don't have to….."

"I want to name him after you."

She didn't leave it open to discussion, and Lucas knew that Brooke was fully decided on this name. He loved it, but it just made Lucas wish even more that he could see the son he would have been calling Matty. To hear him shout for his mom and dad, to see him shoot hoops, maybe at the river court, or maybe right here in New York.

But that wasn't happening, and they had to accept that.

"I just want to see him Luke" Brooke whispered when they lay in bed, no tears streaking her cheek this night. They hadn't told anyone back in Tree Hill what had happened, it was too much of a long story for Brooke to cope with.

"Me too." he kissed her hair as his hand lingered on her soft cheek, the skin beneath showing signs of healthiness, a lot more so than when Lucas had first found her again. He understood now, why she'd been dressed as she was, why her body was frail, her skin pale and thin. When he looked at her now, he saw none of that, no anger like before.

Now he saw a mother.

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When Lucas awoke, the sun was beaming through the window, the smell of what he thought was melted chocolate in the air. He could hear Brooke clanking spoons in the kitchen, a sign that she was probably attempting to cook something she'd seen on a film once, something that she thought would taste nice, and that would be easy to make.

Knowing Brooke, that probably meant the apartment wasn't safe.

"Whatcha making?" he asked, instantly noticing the puzzled look upon her face, the look that told him she had no idea.

"Um…..I thought I'd try and make chocolate chip pancakes." She offered him a raise of her eyebrows, in a sort-of 'help me' gesture.

"And?"

"And what?"

"How have they turned out?"

Brooke lifted up the saucepan and showed Lucas the lumpy, sticking goo that seemed welded onto the bottom. "Not good."

He chuckled lightly and took the pan off the heat, dumping it in the sink.

"First of all, you don't use a saucepan."

She shrugged her shoulders. "I didn't say I'd followed a recipe."

"That I can see."

"Hey!" She hit him lightly on the chest, the first play fight they felt they could have. Lucas caught her hands, and kissed them both, followed by her lips. He didn't stay there long, he didn't want to make her uncomfortable. But when he broke away, she was smiling, and he knew that she'd be okay now, that she could be strong.

"What possessed you to make chocolate chip pancakes anyway?" Lucas asked, scooping the mixture out of the bowl and into the bin.

"You had no chocolate chip cookies"

"Again, why the pancakes?"

"Well, I figured that they were the next best thing."

"So why not just bake some cookies?"

Brooke looked down at the floor, a sheepish smile on her face. "I didn't think of that."

"Lucky I'm here then."

They spent the best part of that morning baking cookies, not just chocolate chip, but when Brooke had seen the almonds, she'd decided that cherry and almond would taste good. Had it not been for Lucas putting his foot down, she would have added peanut butter too.

"I'd always decided that I'd teach my children to cook." Brooke said as she bit into a cookie, savouring the taste of the milk chocolate in her mouth.

"So that you didn't have to make them food?" Lucas laughed a little, waiting for her to hit him. But she didn't, instead, just shook her head.

"When I was little, I used to wish my mom would make cookies with me. Jello would have done even." She gave a small sideways smile. "But she never did. So I decided that when I had children I was going to cook with them."

"I remember helping my mom make lasagne once." Lucas said "It must have been after ten in the evening, and I was only six, so that was like waaaaaaaaay past my bed time."

He felt Brooke snuggle closer to him as he continued to tell her about his childhood, which wasn't something that occurred often.

"And she let me lay the little sheets of pasta on each layer, which she said was the most important job. It was the night before some inspector was coming to asses the café, so this lasagne had to be perfect."

"I love lasagne" Brooke cut in, licking her lips a little, which amused Lucas, considering she'd eaten most of the cookies, including the extra special one they'd made in honour of Matty.

"Anyway I remember thinking how lucky I was to have a mom like her, ya know?"

Brooke nodded, biting her lip a little now, wondering where this story was going.

"But I still wished that my dad would come. I had Keith, but all I wanted was for my dad to teach my how to slam dunk."

"I guess we all have different ideas of happiness huh?" Brooke said softly, playing with Lucas' hair. He nodded, taking her hand in his.

"But nobody's made me as happy as you have."

"You're just a total cheese ball" Brooke giggled, her hazel eyes shinning.

"It did sound kinda cheesy huh?"

"Just kinda?"

"Okay maybe it was totally cheesy, but I still mean it."

"You'd better." Brooke let her lips do the rest of her talking, choosing to press her body into his in a way that she hadn't done since high school, all those years ago when they didn't used to worry about this kind of stuff, about life. All of those years ago when they'd lived each day as it came upon them, holding hands through the school corridors, stealing kisses at basketball practise whenever Whitey left the gym for more than two seconds.

That had been their life then: a little chaotic, a little messy, not quite living in the real world. But they'd had a good year.

And now, they were living in the real world, and they were on their own. They didn't have the comfort of the school and their small town homes. They didn't have the luxury of their best friends right on their doorstep. But they were happy. And they were together. And they still had things thrown at them that they really didn't want, or didn't expect. But they were getting by. And that's all they needed.

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PLEASE review xxx


	24. Epilogue

**A/N- **Okay, so I know it's been many many moonths since I last updated this story, but recent reviews and pm's have persuaded me to finish things off with an epilogue. So this is what I've come up with. It's short, but to the point and I hope it concludes the story. A huge thank you to everybody who has ever reviewed this story, and to those who will be reading this right now, thank you for baring with me :)

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**Life Is What You Make It**

Chapter 24: Epilogue

They had wondered whether she'd ever really be okay. Lucas had wondered, and Brooke had wondered, yet neither had said anything.

She'd been almost sure that she was okay, when he'd asked her to marry him and she'd said yes, and that night, they'd spent the night simply watching terrible t.v.

He'd been almost sure that she was okay when she'd led him to their bedroom, brown eyes shinning in anticipation as he had kissed one shoulder, then the other, then all the way down her soft chest until she'd gasped for air and he'd had to stop. But he'd continued as soon as she traced her fingers across the hemline of his jeans.

"Broody will you please just move your feet so that Trixie can sit down?"

When Lucas and Brooke had gotten married, they had promised each other that they _were _okay again. He had begun work on his third book after the second had gained major recognition from both critics and the public. Brooke had taken a job at a local diner just a couple blocks away from their apartment.

Children weren't high on their priority list. If it happened, it happened, and that was the way they had learned to live now. Perhaps God had decided that it wasn't the right time or the right situation for Brooke to have her baby.

Matteo, or Matty, as the two always referred to him, still had his tiny basketball jersey kept safe in Brooke's drawer. They had said goodbye, because he wasn't here anymore, and dwelling on that wasn't going to prove helpful or beneficial to either Brooke or Lucas. He _had _been there, which was what counted, and the two of them were just grateful for the memory.

Trixie was Brooke's dog. Lucas hadn't named her, hadn't bought her, and had no idea Brooke had until he walked in on a messy apartment and a giggling wife.

"_So Broody, I kinda bought a dog today." _She'd told him, with that dimpled smile and a kinked eyebrow (because she was trying to be cute). _"Isn't she such a cutie?"_

She wasn't a cutie, Lucas later found out. She liked to sleep on his side of the bed, barked at him if he didn't let her, and occupied too much of Brooke's time. She wouldn't eat her own food, sleep in her own bed, or leave the two of them alone long enough for them to have uninterrupted (by barking) passion. He had begun to think that perhaps Trixie wasn't a dog after all, but a robot, programmed to send him crazy.

Brooke loved her though. That was all that mattered to Lucas.

"When is that damn dog going to realise that this is my house too?"

"When you start being nice to her." Brooke replied, petting Trixie as she settled down on Lucas' lap.

"I'd be nicer if she was nicer to me. Does she have to get dog hairs all over my jeans?"

Brooke raised an eyebrow and Lucas held his hands up in defeat. "You're not being nice to her Lucas. She loves you see? She just wants to be near you."

"Whatever." He grumbled, letting Brooke rest her head on his shoulder as she flicked through every station they had.

Lucas had always been told that life is what you make it. Brooke hadn't ever really been told anything. But she knew, Lucas figured.

This was their life now. They stayed in most nights, watching t.v. They took the dog for walks together and they grocery shopped, together. It might not have been exciting or hugely appealing, or even interesting.

But they were happy.

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So we have the end to this story. FINALLY! lol. Please review for the last time guys :) 


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